Random Thoughts on Dating and Relationship

How to seduce a woman, make her horny?

2008-12-28T17:28:00.000-08:00

There are quite a few comprehensive rule books out there about seducing women. In the real life it is never as easy, but here are some of the best ideas that I think are worth noting:

Act fast - the first rule out there is whenever you see a beautiful girl that catches your eye, act immediately within a few seconds. You will be forgiven for doing something stupid, saything something stupid or saying nothing special, but your chances drop to zero if you do nothing, stand back and stare at her from time to time, and undecisevely approach her later.
Talk to girls - the best way to date girls is to initiate conversations with girls whenever possible. Talk to them even if you are not specifically trying to pitch them, just be an attractive person to talk to and you'll feel extremely comfortable being with a girl. Being confident pays big time because women don't like wimps, they look for men who are ready to provide and confidence signals that.
Art of talking - you spend 90% of time together with a girl talking, so your conversational skills are important. The art of seduction teaches that the most important thing to lay a girl is, first, to get her thinking about something good, about positive feelings, her positive experiences and achievements, and later to drive the conversation to get her thinking about sex.
Keywords - some claim the best way to make a woman hot with talk is to scatter your language with sexual keywords, even if the talk is not about sex. Play with positive and sexual words like "great, best, top, good, together, us, connection, ride, inside, enter, penetrate".
Thoughts - a woman will want sex if she has been thinking sexual thoughts. That can be used or misused. But the idea is if you have established good contact with a woman or simply want to make your girlfriend hot and horny, you have to make her start thinking about sex. Don't get me wrong she will love it, as sex following the state of arousal is much greater for women as compared to sex without arousal. You can be sure of one thing - if you tell a woman dirty jokes, tell her some sex stories, or watch together sex video and she is still there with you not breaking the contact, then she is thinking about sex and chances are she is pretty wet, admitting it or not.

Q & A: How to Use Mystery to Attract a Woman

2008-12-23T19:48:00.001-08:00

Q. I have the hots for this girl I’ve known for about a year. We have spent time together and I know she feels the same.

My problem is, I’m separated from my wife and it's putting her off. I need to know how to make her jealous without making it obvious and also how to eventually win her heart.

Maybe she feels I’m not to be trusted cause I’ve cheated on girls before. I know she feels the same but I don’t want to make a fool of myself. Thanks...

A. Hello,

Well, you could get back with the ex and have the best sex of your life – that’d make her jealous! No, I think there’s a better way.

I think you really want to do two things:

1) Make her jealous; and,

2) Change her mind about you, your ex and your past.

If you just go out and start banging a bunch of women and make it obvious, she's going to think you're a player, which will just put her off even further.

On the other hand, if you just seem to be busy - and aren't around when she calls or wants to talk, her feminine mind will start working and you'll have the power you're looking for. So, do this:

1) Be scarce. Don't answer the phone, and take at least a few days to call her back.

2) Never answer the phone, or make return calls to her on the weekends - after all, you're busy, right?

3) Always cut any conversation with her short by saying, "Oh, sorry - I have to run. I'll call you later... bye." [click!]

4) Talk about the great time you had with a "friend" the other night. Don't specify the sex of this "friend".

5) When you are out with her, have fun! Make your time with her something to remember – but don’t hesitate to flirt a little with other women too. Bring them in and make the part of the party!

Finally, for God's sake - don't talk about your wife with this woman other than to say how much you’re over her! Every time you bring her up in a positive vein, you're just confirming her greatest fear - that she's still in the picture. No woman wants to have to compete with that!

Q & A: How To Handle A “Dry Spell”

2008-12-23T19:42:00.000-08:00

Q. I seem to have hit a recent dry-spell with women. Every woman I keep running into is already "involved" with someone else, have messed up lives, or something is mentally wrong with them! For a while I'll have plenty of women to choose from, then all of a sudden, the well runs dry! The old ones start boring me, and the new ones are basically fucked up! Is this common?

Is it really a numbers game like they say? I'd like to get back on the right track as quick as possible!

Thanks Doc!

A. Hello,

This is actually quite common. You're going to have the feast/famine scenario pretty regularly, but that's not a bad thing - if you make use of the feast side of things and plan for the famine.

The trick is to gather numbers when the gettin' is good, and to harvest those numbers when things get slim. Remember that you want to space things out a little bit so that you’re not calling women back before a week anyway. If you play things right, you can actually make contact with them and put them back another 2 weeks, make contact again, etc. You can only do this about 3-4 times before she’s going to go crazy wondering if you’re ever going to actually meet her however!

Further, yes - you're going to find that many women you meet are either crazy, demanding, game-playing, claim to already be hooked up, (even though they just spent the last 40 minutes flirting with you), or just down-right bitches! This is just the rule of the game. You won't know these things until after you call them back, so be ready. These are the hazards...

Q & A: Will we ever be the same again?

2008-12-23T19:37:00.000-08:00

Q. "I wanted to share my story with you all and get some feedback.

I have been dating this girl since the end of May, everything was great we have fun we laugh and we have a lot of intimate times together, not always sex but very enjoyable. About two weeks ago her ex came into town and she went to go hang out with him two nights in a row, she said she had some issues to clear up with him. Well the weekend passed he left but our level of intimacy has gone from 10 to a 1.

We spoke about what happened and she said that she was no longer in love with him and she now sees that they could not be together. They are just friends, she said that nothing happened. Ever since then we haven't even kissed for more than 30 seconds.

This past weekend I did something that I never do I asked her to come back to my place to be intimate, she said maybe and the night ended up me taking her home and thats it. I have tried to get close to her without any luck. I dont want to seem like a a-hole guy and say something stupid. So can you please help me? I need some advice."

A. "Whew! That was close, dude! I'm glad you sought out help before you wallowed too long in this unhealthy pool of delusion. Okay, here's the Bottom Line: It sounds like she got together with him again (slept with him, had sex, the Horizontal Bop) and now she's regretting it. Hence, her comment about them not being able to "be together." She's saying that the loving was good, but the drama was too much, even for her. (Yeah, I know she said "nothing happened", but if you believe that, I've got some quality real estate to sell you.)

Time for a little tough-love. (But you came here because you are strong, smart, and willing to change, right?) So here it is:

You are her rebound. For you to make it through this, you will have to be ten times as challenging to her so that you will overcome her attachment to the previous guy. HOWEVER, the reality is that you can hold NO hopes of actually raising the intimacy back up to the "10" it once was. Why? Because her "10" interest in you was only created by her romantic female desire for a new Prince Charming to come fill in the void left by the old guy.

The Total Bottom line: If she's gone from a 10 to a 1, she's telling you that you need to be moving on. She's (unwittingly) stringing you along because you're her convenient new puppy to help her get over the last big dog. (Two kinds of love for women: Doberman she has sex with and stays with, and the sad little Beagle she walks around the block -- until the next Doberman shows up.)

Here's the unhappy pattern that will be set in motion. See if it sounds familiar: Her unavailability (i.e., CHALLENGE) will stimulate your nervous system to chase her. She will then sense your clinging and desperation, and she'll pull even further away, leaving you to panic and chase her even faster, as she runs even faster from you ...

And the downward spiral has begun. And we know where it always ends, don't we?

This is harsh, but it's a wet slap of reality that you'll thank me for later: Drop her, NOW. If not sooner. It's the only way you'll stand a chance. The only sure-fire cure for this kind of rebound dementia is to get out there and DATE OTHER WOMEN.

Don't be a Sad Little Beagle (AKA: Masturbates Alone) who sits around with her as she weeps through another viewing of 'Fried Green Tomatoes' or 'Thelma and Louise.' If you're not her intimate sex-buddy, you're just a friend. And in the process you're killing your self-confidence and posture.

Bang.

Dead.

If you want to turn the tables (and you'll have to in order to get this woman's head turned back to you) then you'll have to give her a little Doberman action. Ask yourself what you would do if you had lost interest in this gal. You would probably first drastically reduce your availability to her. If she calls, you are just on your way out and you'll call her back. If you are making a date with her (or already have), make it then break it. With no explanation. And, finally, you need to show her a bit of unpredictability. Keep her guessing, about what you're doing and with whom you are doing it. The less she knows, the more mysterious you are in her eyes, and this will engage her attraction.

Most guys would hesitate to use such tactics because they feel that it is mistreating her. Not so! You are only demonstrating to her that she is not your focus (and you are not her tool), and this is absolutely necessary for you to exert your independence and earn her respect.

Here's your love meditation for the week: When a woman gets out of the pool, she's looking for the closest towel. But ask yourself, what happens when she's dry?"

Q & A: Working Women From The Inside

2008-12-23T18:50:00.000-08:00

Q. I have this friend whom I have deep feelings for, I told on how feel about her and she told me we are better as friends because she is involved with someone.

When I ask her if there is a possibility for us to be together, she said yes. We spend a lot of time together at my place talking about all kinds of different things, like for instance she will tell me all about her boyfriend and how possessive he is.

I do think about making a move on her, but I am scared I will destroy our friendship and I just couldn't take that. Even if I can make a move I do not know how to do it.

Could you please give me some advice on how to go about getting her into bed and if it is a good idea for me to make a move in the first place? She doesn't spend much time with her so-called boyfriend because she is either with me or at work. She may just be pulling my leg about all this boyfriend thing.

Please help me out!

A. It looks like she's got you by the short-curly hairs!

You see, she holds all the cards and controls everything. Further, she is getting everything SHE wants from your relationship. Because you're scared of losing her as a friend (or whatever!), you are just willing to take what she gives you.

My brother - this is no way to live! If you are satisfied with this, then you don't need my advice. If you're not satisfied with it, they you have to be willing to lose her friendship in order to get what YOU want. After all, if she isn't willing to go where you want - what is she really doing in your life in the first place, other than keeping you from meeting "Ms. Right"?

So, here's what you have to do. First, stop being her friend! That's right! You see, women organize men into two categories: boyfriend material and everyone else. Making the transition from one to the other is very, very difficult, but it can be done.

The first step is to stop treating her like your friend! Consider this - women don't make good friends for guys. Why not? For exactly the reasons you've already found. She comes to you when her boyfriend isn't around and talks to you about him! When she needs something, she goes to you; not him. If she wants to borrow money, it's you again, etc.

Many men make this same mistake - they think they can "work it from the inside". That is, they can build a relationship up from being a friend to something else. Chad - it can't be done. You've got to get over this!

Ok, so what do you do? First, you've got to get scarce - and do it abruptly. Stop returning her calls immediately (if she even calls you!) and get yourself busy doing anything and everything else! Especially, don't be around on weekends. If she calls, let it go to the answering machine - that's what it's for. You can return your friend's calls immediately if you want to, but let her wait a few days.

When you do call her, (in a few weeks), ask her out for dinner or a drink. Now, here's the important part: act like it's a date! Forget you were friends and start ACTING like a boyfriend. When she questions this, just tell her that YOU are ready to move on to something more mature.

Q & A: How to Make a Woman Bow Down to You

2008-12-23T18:47:00.000-08:00

Q. Here's the situation, Doc: She seems nice and sweet. She is also a bit of a smart-ass, which I like. She's always "subtly" hanging around me and talking to me, smiling, taking peeks at me. She'd always ask me how my day is going, laugh at my jokes, do things for me...You know..."nice"!

The funny thing is that so far I hadn’t met ANY resistance with her...none. Talking to her...no problem. Got her number...that was easy. Setting the date up...easy! No problems! Now on the "date"...there WAS a problem! Maybe you can figure out the problem because I'm lost!

You see, I didn’t frame it as a "date" but rather I set up a "get together". I always do that. She was there on time where we were to meet which was the mall and we did some shopping. When we first met my original plan was to go to this place that has an arcade, a bowling alley, ice-skating, and put-put golf. It sounded like fun to me! But she said she wanted to stay at the mall and that was fine because that was my second option. Plus she bought some things while she was there. So I had two possible plans in place.

We shared a few laughs and there was some kino going on. Not a whole lot but enough to keep it interesting. We talked a lot (well, I let her do most of the talking) and everything was going smooth until...

Her dreaded cell phone rang and it was some guy that asked her to meet her somewhere! She NEVER said anything about having a boyfriend and I felt it'd be AFC-ish if I asked if it was! So, I didn’t ask. In fact when the phone rang I told her "Tell them you're busy!" I think cell phones on a date are rude anyhow! Oh, but it wasn’t a "date" it was a "get-together!" Hmm. Whatever it was I still thought it'd be rude if she talked more than a minute.

Anyhow, she made it quick like I told her to and then when the phone rang again; she didn’t answer it that time! So, I'm thinking that’s just how I wanted it.

Now, the issue was that she was about to blow the other guy off but then she changed her mind and decided to meet this guy. I really didn’t understand what was going on there. It was shortly afterwards that I decided to leave. The thing is that she didn’t SEEM as if she wanted to go. She was thinking of making up an excuse to tell him but...she went anyhow! What could be going on here?

She was hesitant to go but...I don’t know.

I dare not ask her the story about this other guy...I don’t care but I don’t want to be wasting my time with her either. What to do? It could have been just a friend or something more. I have no idea! All I know is that she's known him awhile much longer than she's known me. Anyhow, when she decided to go meet that guy, I excused myself shortly after. I'll see her again, however.

Like I said prior to this, she's always trying to hang around me and talk to me and she gave me her digits and we met up right after that. And she's never given me any resistance whether it be touching her or talking to her or getting her number or setting up the meeting. But, could this have been some form of test? Is she just being nice and friendly or is she REALLY interested?

What you think? Should I invite her out again later or move on?

Thanks Doc!

A. Hello,

It sounds like everything went very well right up to the phone call. You had good communication working and even were getting signs of a high level of interest from her. By calling your meeting something other than a date, (a "get-together"), you took off the pressure. When the phone call came through, you even told her what you expected, and she ended the call early. Even using the line, "...it's rude on a date..." actually worked to your benefit. Everything so far is great.

Now comes the problem.

She told you that she wasn't sure about whether to see this guy or not. What she was doing was to give you a mini-challenge. She wanted you to decide for her that she should spend more time with you. That's why she was vacillating back and forth about whether to go or not!

Unfortunately, you let her make the decision for herself. In effect she was saying, "Am I important enough for you to stand up and tell me to forget meeting him, or do you not care?" By letting her decide what she was going to do, not only did you miss a golden opportunity, you also told her, in effect that she was in control here, not you...

Consider this: when you're on a date, (or a "get-together") with a woman, she's on YOUR time. You've planned everything and blocked off your schedule to spend with her. She owes you the time she committed to with you.

By letting her decide how she was going to use "your time", she also learned that it wasn't you that was in control! Of course, you WANT to be the guy in control!

Here's another way to have handled this: when she began wondering what she was going to do, you should have said, "Look, if you want to rush off and see him, go ahead. It's very rude however, and I won't waste my time with rude people. You've already taken one phone call, but the choice is yours." Then, I would have turned and continued walking down the mall.

There's a number of subtle things going on here. First, you haven't taken the decision away from her - it's still hers to make. However, you've outlined the potential consequences of making the wrong choice - that you won't see her again!

The second thing is that you've told her that your time is valuable, (remember that from the book?), and that you don't appreciate it wasted. The third thing is, that by walking away, she has to follow you! Isn't that really what you want anyway – her to chase you?

So, now the question is whether you can salvage this situation or not. I believe you can, but you have to be clever about it. To do this, start seeing what this situation really is. She "chose" this other guy over you, even if she did so reluctantly! You don't have to lie down and like that.

So, the next time you can see her, why not bust her on it? Just say something like this, "Hey, you know, it was fun seeing you in the mall the other day, but I didn't appreciate you breaking off the date [get-together, or whatever] early. How are you going to make it up to me?"

Then, get very quiet. Don't say another thing until she tells you how she's going to "make up" for her bad behavior! You'll have to establish a minimum level of penance in your own mind, and if she doesn't meet it, just say, "Ok, and then what?"

The bottom line here is that women want you to have some direction in your life, and your relationships. They want to chase you, not the other way around, and if you keep that firmly in your mind, you can lead your relationships anywhere you want them to go.

Q & A: She Won't Have Sex When The Rules Change!

2008-12-23T18:24:00.000-08:00

Q. I've been in a relationship with this one girl for a while. In the beginning, things were fun and sexual. But as time has progressed, things have taken a turn for the worse. It all started right around the time I met her. Boy, I should have watched for those warning signals more closely!

Right from the start, she said she was tired of men only wanting her for sex. I feel sex is an important part of the relationship, but she doesn’t think so. We were sexual before but now she says it's not important and she wants to wait until marriage before she has sex again. I have no intention on marrying her and this "no sex" deal is really putting a strain on this relationship and me. I can’t deal with it, Doc. It's important to me.

But if she even THINKS I'm talking to other women, she gets angry, hostile, and extremely jealous. I could be talking to my mother and she'll think it's another woman and she explodes like a ticking time bomb. It could be a female friend or a family friend and she gets furious. The insecurity and jealousy also has become a problem as well as her lack of trust and she admitted openly these have always been issues with her.

Another thing is that even before we were together, she didn’t like me talking to other women, when we were just dating! She didn’t like them near me, over my house, nothing! Also, as this relationship has progressed, she has become increasingly more demanding and trying to be controlling too. She gets mad when I miss her phone calls, she gets upset when I ignore her for any length of time (even if I'm busy running errands or with work) and this whole situation is pushing me closer and closer to the door. I confront her on her bad behavior every time and she'll simmer down for a while, then she gets started again. Her immaturity has shown it's ugly head! Things aren’t fun anymore and it's a constant power struggle and verbal fighting because she can’t grow up. It was a lot more fun in the beginning but that’s history. She is a good person and very pretty but I have to get out unless you see a way this can be saved.

I haven’t dated other women in awhile since I've been with her but that may be my only choice. I can’t deal with being in a sexless relationship, and her behavior has got out of control. What should I do? Find the door as quickly as I can or try to salvage this?

A. I fully agree with your point about NOT marrying her! Just consider this - you're in a sexless relationship now. How would you like to be stuck the rest of your life slaving away to satisfy her every whim; financial and otherwise, while being in a sexless marriage? Well, that's exactly where you're headed with your current path!

Here's the bottom line: sex IS important to any HEALTHY relationship. I don't care what anyone says. If they (including your girlfriend) think not, they are unhealthy themselves!

OF COURSE she doesn't want you talking to any other woman and is insanely jealous! If you ever found out the fact I just gave you, or found some other woman that WOULD enjoy sex like you do, she'd be alone. Talk about a controlling bitch! What the HELL are you doing with her anyway????

Here's what I would do in your situation:

I would tell her, “I respected your wish to not have sex. However, that isn't my wish, my choice or what I will devote my life to. Thus, I’m going to start dating and looking for a sexual partner IMMEDIATELY.” I'd still date her too (occasionally), but she'd have to understand that I was moving on and that my time for her would be reduced commensurate with your hunting time away from this "relationship". Further, you absolutely MUST NOT feel compelled to discuss your actions with her beyond this. She is entitled to only the part of your life that she earns - just as you are with hers.

I'd also absolutely demand that she DOES NOT date anyone else if she wants to continue to see me! That may seem unfair at first, but consider this: you're already making huge sacrifices in your life for her to choose her lifestyle! She owes you AT LEAST that loyalty back. If she can't do that, and won't have sex with you - bye-bye!!

My brother, don't just sit by and take this abuse, (and it IS abuse!) Just because the rules change doesn't mean that you have to continue playing the new game. You are allowed to have your own rules - and game - too!

Q & A: Two Girls: Who to Choose?

2008-12-23T18:17:00.000-08:00

Q. Hi, I'm sort of in a complicated situation and in need of some advice. There's this girl I'm really interested in (I'll call her Lisa), and I knew her for about 7 years (I'm 22), but we've just recently got close (4 months now) and are in the same circle of friends.About 2 months ago, it seemed like she was really interested in me, and we had a lot of nice chats, etc.But a few weeks ago, I think one of Lisa's close friend (Cindy) told her that she was interested in me. Now, being a nice/sorta shy girl, Lisa seems to be backing up and I feel she tries avoiding me sometimes.. while Cindy is starting to be a lot more friendly and tries to spend more time with me.

I'm the type of guy that sticks to one girl I like, and nearly ignore all other girls.. So I would still like to go for Lisa. Now her birthday is coming up in just a few weeks and im not sure if I should do something to give her a clear hint that im interested in her, or if I should hold back and see if anything will happen naturally over time. (sorta doubt this will happen 'cuz of the situation with Cindy). Lisa doesnt seem to show as much interest in me as before, while Cindy seems to try talking to me more often, as well as hanging out with me. Plus, I know they have "girl talks" with each other.. and Cindy tells everything while Lisa mostly listens.

I'm just not sure her birthday is an appropriate time to make my move since.. lately, Lisa hasn't been showing as much interest as before

Lastly, I'm sure there's at least one other guy that seems to be interested in Lisa.. but I dont think she wants to be anything more than friends with him.. I'm mentioning this just in case (sorta feel rushed, since I really like her and dont want to lose her to some other event that could happen).

please help, thanks.

A. Ah, two women to choose from. Hang on while I play a little sad violin for you....

Okay, now let me see if I can help you out of this dilemma ....

First of all, keep in mind that things don't just happen 'naturally.' If you want something to happen, you must be willing to take action. Things don't improve by default, they improve by design. So if you want something to happen with you and Lisa, you'll have to take a risk and make an advance. If she's interested, she'll respond. If she doesn't (no matter what reason you can invent for her not taking action) she is not REALLY interested. The bottom line is the result you get, and if she doesn't respond, you can blame her shyness, or whatever, but the reality is that you don't want a woman who can't act on her desires (any more than she would want a man who wouldn't act on his.)

Next, you sound like you're in a hurry. In fact, you mention you feel in a rush. Why? It's been 7 years. What's the hurry? If something were going to happen, a few more weeks wouldn't make a difference at this point.

Also, you state that you are "the type of guy that sticks to one girl I like, and nearly ignore all other girls." I don't know what your reason is for making this your identity, but I can only tell you that it will cause you much more pain in your dealings with women than it will help you.

1) Your single-minded focus will come across as smothering and obsessive on that one woman. (They can smell this a mile away, and it's a BIG turnoff.)

2) The confidence you exude when you date more than one woman will rub off, and you'll experience even more success with the ones you decide are a priority. Success breeds success.

3) Women may lead you to believe (by subtle comments and cultural stigma) that they don't want a man who dates many women. Nothing could be further from the truth. They are attracted to a man that is in demand. Now, if you settle into a regular relationship, they will want you to stick with just one. But that's your decision.

So, what advice do I have for you? In addition to the above, here's my recipe of action:

- Call up Lisa, ask her out to something short, sweet, and fun. At the end of the date, bust a move -- kiss her at the end. If she resists or balks, find out what her objections are. If they can be overcome, go on. If it's too complicated, then on to ...

- Call up Cindy. Same plan.

- Call up next girl. Same plan.

- Repeat until goal is reached.

It sounds like Lisa's interest is low -- probably because you two have been friends for so long, and she isn't going to jeopardize that -- and that you should set your sights on someone who is interested -- Cindy.

BIG POINT: And you might notice that Cindy is probably keeping a high interest level because you are NOT focusing all your energies on her. You're probably a little aloof and ignoring her -- and she responds to this. Lisa probably would, too. See how this works? This is why the ones you want always keep you at a distance while the ones you don't want are flocking in the wings.

The Bottom line? There are too many girls out there to get too hung up on one. Think of how foolish you'll feel in six months if you look back and see all the precious time you wasted on women who weren't interested. The time to act is now!

What to Look For When Choosing a How-To Book on Meeting and Attracting Women...

2008-12-23T18:01:00.000-08:00

What to Look For When Choosing a How-To Book on Meeting and Attracting Women...

Have you ever noticed that there are at least as many sites out there proclaiming to know how to get game with women as there are women out there?

How many of these 'writers' can actually score chicks? Answer: not very many.

Hmmm... I wonder if they've got a scam going...

Well, I'm here to clear the air for you on this one, and help point you to the best online dating information has to offer. I'll show you how to spot the fluff from the Real Stuff.

Let's look at the warning signs:

First of all, do you get the impression when you load their sites or look at their documents that these guys haven't quite finished fourth grade? They pepper their information with plenty of crude terminology and misspelled words, or they're promoting the concept of getting easy one-night stands with ANY woman at ANY time -- claims that no man could make. Take a look at their content and decide whether it's someone you'd take credibly for any kind of service, much less dating and sex advice. I'd have to click away from a site that looks like it was cobbled together with sappy graphics and a bad font. And if he can't show me more than a miracle penis-enlargement cure, it's time to move on.

Next, what do you think the credibility is of a guy who looks like your perverted uncle, has a PHD from a school in Outer Mongolia, and looks like he's been dating since they first scribbled the word on papyrus? Ask yourself, is this short, bald guy with a beer-belly REALLY getting some ass, or just your cash? There's a lot to be said for the guys who appear to be getting laid. Not that you should judge solely on appearance, since we all know that's not the essential trait, but if he looks like a fashion nightmare on Elm Street, and your first thought is, "Dude! I think that's my dad!" I'd wonder ... a LOT. (Say what you will about Billy Clinton, but you could look at him and still know the guy was getting some serious tail.)

And is the information they're promoting mostly common sense? There's a lot of programs and techniques out there that teach you how to hypnotize women by stroking their wrist and using seduction code words, but these things only work on women with the intellect of a ten-year-old, and even then they require an unbelievably ugly numbers ratio to get your first success. Who wants that much pain for so little gain...? Steer clear of any seduction product that requires you to go clubbing and look for emaciated model-wannabes with the self-esteem of a whipped dog.

Now, let's take a look at the bookshelves of most retail bookstores...

- "How to Be Her Prince Charming" - Crap

- "How to Marry A Rich Man" by Shallow Woman - Garbage

- "He's a Jerk, You're a Goddess" - For wimpy guys in need of a testicle transplant

- "Blessed Union of Eternal Love for Couples" - For spiritual dweebs in search of the "white light" of love

C'mon. Around 80% of the books you see on the shelves of any bookstore are complete crap when it comes to giving you the goods on being successful with women. And considering only a handful actually cover the topic of men's dating, you'd be lucky to get a couple of real-life valuable tips from the authors.

Let's get one thing straight: WOMEN buy most of the books today, especially those labeled "Relationship" or "Dating." And nearly all of those are written to cover every disfunction you could imagine (primarily for women who got themselves involved with a guy they aren't compatible with and should only have dated a couple of times, got her fun, and then moved on.) Or, the authors complain incessantly about men and how to reform them into someone they can marry.

Still others are in pursuit of the "perfect" relationship where two souls unite in one spectral rainbow of pure goodness. Man, I'm gonna be sick... Nice goal, but for the 99% of us out there just trying to make it work on the basic compatibility and sex level, they are of no practical use at all in attracting and dating women.

Considering the fact that most of the books are BOUGHT by women, who do you think most of the books are written FOR? (If you need time to think about that one, come back to this page when you're ready.) Yup, that would be "Women" for $500, Alex. Would you like to go for double-jeopardy?

Don't even get me started on magazines. When was the last time you found ONE good, lengthy article for meeting and attracting women in ANY men's magazine? Why do you suppose this is?

Here's what you want to find in a book or site that gives you the real deal on women and dating:

– A newsletter: Do they give you a little free taste from the buffet? If you get valuable information in their FREE advice, you can bet their products are more than worth the price. Join the newsletter and read the articles. See what you think.

– Simple approach: No dumb hypnosis and complicated mirroring techniques to "trance" her, or "pattern" her. If it's a "system," chances are it's like your computer "system" - hard to work and more frustrating than trying to read subtitles on a French chick-flick. You want the information to be practical, real-life, and workable. If it sounds too good to be true, it often is.

– A quality site with great links: Some sites are more focused on the actual advice and helping, and others balance it out with more links to other resources. If they appear to live in a vacuum, where there is no one else but them, they may just be afraid of quality competition. And the appearance and organization of the site does go a long way in projecting the author or publisher's approach and thoroughness to detail.

– Breadth of information: The book, e-book, or website should cover multiple facets of information, from dating to sex, from attitudes and motivation to strategies and tactics. If it's solely about pickup lines, you're going to feel ripped off when your line works – but you have no clue how to take it from there.

– A money-back guarantee. Most men are honest, and when they find a product they like, they don't mind paying for it. A guarantee just assures you that you can trust the author and take a risk.

– Don't be fooled by cute gimmicks, like emails to you from a woman's name to get you to think that they're somehow in on it with hot love-slave women named Fiona or Desiree.

Here's the Real Deal: The sites I list below all meet the criteria I've just given you. Consider them worth our stamp of approval. Common sense should tell you that this isn't marketing baloney; they're run by guys who are out there, meeting women, attracting women, and GETTING LAID.

# DatingDynamics.com - Fantastic e-book and supplementary materials, like their e-zines. Get on the mailing list for tips, advice, and strategies.

# Remingtonpublications.com - Dennis Neder has provided excellent dating information for single men through his book Being a Man in a Woman's World and his web site.

# DatingInsider.com - Superb members-only content, with a message board for getting your questions heard and answered. (Of course we're going to mention this one!) In addition to a recent feature in Maxim Magazine, there are many testimonials to the program's effectiveness available at the website. Get on the mailing list.

# AskMen.com - Good dating advice, though heavily commercialized. Wide variety of writers.

# SeducersWorld.com - Home of Robert Greene's book, The Art of Seduction. Psychological and historical profile of the many facets of seduction.

So, stop listening to Uncle Ned with the bowl haircut and an expired counseling license. He can only help you AFTER you have your mental breakdown from the bad advice that all the other sites out there are giving you.

My old boss in the financial services business used to say, "When I want to get information on making money and getting rich, I go find a guy who's got a bigger pile of money than I have. Not the stockbroker in debt up to his ears - I go find the guy WHO'S DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO. And I listen to HIM."

Q & A: Being A Sexual Being

2008-12-23T17:49:00.000-08:00

Q. A few months ago left I left my country and girlfriend of two years as a transfer student. My girlfriend became tired of a long-distance relationship and we stopped keeping in contact. However, I met a girl whom I fell for at first sight, but owing to my "loyalty", would not approach her. A few days ago, I put everything about my former love life behind and finally asked this girl out. That was when something happened - I found out that this girl has a the identical personality as my girlfriend! The way she speaks, looks at me, laughs-even her jokes have the same ring to them. I'm not imagining this!

I was thrilled at first, but to my horror I found I had lost the ability to get turned on by her! My former relationship hovered around sexuality but we never got down to it since we felt it would destroy the "magic" of the whole thing. Well, after meeting this girl, I cannot be turned on by anything, I have no sexual attraction towards her, but I've fallen in love with her.

In addition to that, I've developed a fear that I'm not good enough for her. I'm just a poor transfer student in strange place falling in love with a girl who has everything I don't. Believe me, I never had these fears before - Dating-Insider completely dispelled them and radically changed my social life. But what should I do? Is my inability to get turned on psychological? It seems to be getting worse! Maybe the solution is damn easy and doesn't require much, but I need to be set in the right position to start rectifying things.

Please help me!!

"On the brink"

A. Hello "Brink",

Very interesting situation!

You'd be surprised how common it is to find someone that is very much like, or, even exactly like someone that we've been with before. People talk about this all the time, but it is usually in having made a mistake with choosing someone bad for them. You, on the other hand, have found someone you already know and love!

As you've also discovered, sex is as much a mental game as (if not more than) a physical one. It really isn't that hard a stretch to see that you've tied your entire emotionality into a sexless relationship, and that is exactly why your current problem exists. You've learned to equate love for a "personality type" with sexual frustration.

Interestingly, this is usually a problem that women have! They spend their dating lives trying to deny their sexuality because of religion, parents, misinformation, fear, etc.; suppressing and ignoring it, and then have tons of problems being sexual people in their married lives. Why do we keep doing this to people? Why do entire societies keep inflicting this hideous damage as though it somehow makes us better people?? Well, actually, the main reason is that parents, community and religious leaders, and many, many others learned a long time ago, that if you can just control a person's sexuality, you could control that person. This is because we are first and foremost sexual people! I equate this "purposefully inflicted" damage on people with other types of sexual barbarism like female clitoral circumcision, pedophilia, censorship, lying to kids about where babies come from, telling people that masturbating will make you go blind, and the like.

You say you've fallen in love with her. Are you sure it's love? Is it possible that you have tremendous familiarity and friendship with her instead? This isn't really a critical point, as frankly, it doesn't matter. However, I raise the question for you to consider.

Ok, so what do you do about all of this? First, you've got to get your self-image back in check. Nobody, not you, the Pope or me is any better or any worse than any other person, living or dead, (well, I'm not sure about Rosy O'Donnell - what's up with her?). Anyway, I digress...

This woman may have things you want or things that you equate with a "higher level", but it's a false image. All of these are just things. What's really important is the character, experience and soul of a person. Practice seeing all people this way. You'll be much the better man for it, and you'll also gain an important understanding of life. After all, she's just a person like you or me or anyone else.

Consider this, you've spent your entire relationship with your ex-girlfriend learning how NOT to be sexual. Is it any wonder you're having trouble now? You've got to re-learn to be sexual with your new girlfriend. You do this by practicing. I'm assuming that you masturbate (all of us do, by the way!) What do you fantasize about when you're spankin' the monkey? Something must turn you on. Use this time to re-learn sexual feelings for this woman.

Imagine making love to her. Take some time - don't jump right to the "horizontal bop" portion of the program. Imagine kissing her, undressing her slowly, exploring her body - every inch of it. Recreate the sexual feelings you had with her as the object. These are powerful emotions and will be re-learned very quickly because of them.

Once you begin to see her sexually, putting it into practice won't be difficult. Try to focus on her however; don't worry about yourself - that will come (if you'll pardon the expression!) Learn about her sexuality, and in it you'll find your own.

What is it that girls really want and why isn't it me?

2008-10-09T13:30:00.000-07:00

Note to the reader. If this seems to be a very self-centered and drawn out whine that's because that is what this basically is. What some would call a whine I shall call the discussion of my problems and if this seems self-centered that's because I can only discuss things from my own perspective.

Ok what is it that girls really want? I mean come on, all you hear about today is girls wanting someone that they can talk to and relate to. That they want someone who will listen to them and at least pretend to give a damn. That they aren't really looking for those "bad boys". Yet who do they always end up with, the "bad" boys of course. Nice guys finish last because THEY ARE NICE GUYS. Nice guys don't say the degrading and sometimes insulting pickup lines that gets you noticed by girls. They don't draw a lot of attention to themselves like bad boys so they aren't going to be noticed this way either. If you are at club the "bad" boys are going to be hitting on girls left and right, bumping and grinding, and feeling them up. The "nice" guys will be the ones that will dance with them but won't be all over them and speaking from experience the girls go with the "bad" boys on this score.

OK let's take a quick look then at why the "bad" boys behave the way they do versus the way "nice" guys (for the sake of convenience BB will be "bad" boys and NG "nice" guys). The BBs tend to be the good-looking jocks with egos that could fill a stadium. They really could care less about the girl or a relationship as long as they can score. This means that they will be all over a lot of different in a short amount of time. They will also be more outrageous and outgoing because they don't care about starting a relationship so they have nothing to lose. The NGs on the other hand are most likely shy and reserved gentlemen. They tend to be the intelligent ones who always got picked on at school and don't have enough self-confidence to fill a balloon. The NG has two major handicaps that the BBs don't have to worry about. First off, NGs generally have low self-confidence to begin with so a rejection or even the fear of rejection can often be enough to keep him from doing anything. Secondly, a NG isn't looking for a one-night-stand. He's not out cruising for chicks just so that he can get lucky. A NG is looking for a lasting relationship. Something that means something and that is a lot harder to find than a willing girl.

I think that covers most of the main differences between BBs and NGs. Now we get to the personal stuff. I am an eighteen-year-old boy who: has never been very popular/outgoing, went to an all boys high school, is a "brain"(honor roll and all that stuff), has always been a "good" boy (I went drinking for the first time this past week!), and I'm a NG. What it basically boils down to is I don't know jack shit about girls and I'm to shy/nice of a guy to just go out cruising.

I We all make our own choices though and I am sick and tired of getting the short end of the stick so I'm starting to do something about it. The problem is that I'm at a loss as to what I should do. By the accounts that I have been given by different girls that are friends of mine I should have girls lining up around the block to meet me. I'm intelligent and moderately good-looking. I can cook, bake, give great massages, love to talk/listen, like to dance, enjoys a well-done "chick" flick, and I write poetry (yes, mostly love). For those of you out there who are thinking it no I am not gay. Most of my best friends are or have been girls and most of the time the friendship started because I was attracted to them. But none of these friendships have grown to be more than that. I'm not saying that I'm only friends with these girls because they are attractive. I'm not the superficial and shallow. Most of these friendships become something that I truly value and they become something of a foundation in the rest of my life.

Well since I'm up the creek without a paddle should I abandon the boat all together? Should I become one of the BBs and content my self with just scoring? I don't think I will do this even it is the most immediately gratifying answer and the easiest. So on behalf of all NGs everywhere I entreat you, I beg you, take a close look at the people around you, at the guys you meet. Try and look past the exterior and the first impression to see what a man is really made out of.

Pickup lines: How YOU Doin'?

2008-10-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

A man walks into a bar. He looks at the voluptuous blonde seated next to him and asks innocently, "Why don't you sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?" She giggles delightedly, and they go home together.
Yeah, that might happen.

Pickup lines can be one of the cheesiest elements of the American social scene. Skanky men approach tube-topped nightclub sluts and ask them if their father stole the stars out of the sky or if they are an angel fallen from heaven. In maybe one out of a thousand cases, the woman actually takes the bait and offers a dance — or maybe more. But more often than not, super-obvious lines just don't work.

"Pick-up lines are a big turnoff," says Sarah Tierney, a junior at the George Washington University. "Guys say stuff like 'What's your name? Can I take a shower with you?' It's so gross. The worst part is that you know he's tried that same line on half the girls in the place."

"Why do people think that pick-up lines are sexy?" asks Elizabeth Hoeffner, a senior at Dartmouth College. "Guys use these gross, worn out lines."

Guys aren't the only ones on the lookout for a mate, however; women often approach guys in the hope of kindling a quick romance, or maybe just for some flirting entertainment. Women twirl their hair and reveal some leg then offer subtle, innocuous questions like, "Do you come here often?" or "Didn't I see you once in a college soccer game?" to lure men in.

Forth Bagley, a junior at Yale University, says girls use more subtle techniques to express interest. "The other day a girl in my apartment building knocked on the door, and when I answered she giggled at me and asked if I had a Bruce Springsteen CD she could borrow. It was kind of lame."

There are a few distinct types of pick-up lines. The outrageously forward ("Nice shoes, wanna fuck?") works in some cases, whereas a more clever line ("Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?") gets a laugh and may make you look mildly sweet. Sometimes a bizarre comment works best, like "You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear." Then there are disgustingly graphic lines best suited for the extremely drunk: "You have over 200 bones in your body. Want another?"

"A line I like to use," says Chris Hawkins of California State University, Chico, "is 'Would you like to see my pickle?' It could mean a multitude of shit, but it breaks the ice, and loosens girls up. Most chicks are intimidated by the penis, so by talking about it up front, it seems to relax them, and let the conversation begin."

Of course, not all pick-up lines have to be obvious. An innocent query often does the trick, like "Hey, can I join you?" or "Have you tried the margaritas here?" More forward types can "accidentally" bump into someone, and "inadvertently" grab a part of his or her body to keep from falling — but this could get you slapped or sued if you grab the wrong part. Be careful, and make sure that a biker resembling The Rock isn't also pursing the target of your affections.

Toni Konkoly, a junior at Macalester College, bartends during the summer and hears more than her share of drunken pickup lines. "People who seriously try to use pickup lines are definitely major losers," she says. The worst lines she's ever heard are "Do you come here often?" and "Wanna get a six-pack and fuck?" She says that when lines fail, guys often try to send drinks to women; the girls like the drinks, but the ploy rarely succeeds.

She also finds that guys ask about her eyebrow ring, like if it hurts or if she has any other piercings. They then proceed to tell her how sexy the piercing is, as if that is going to arouse her. Konkoly says that guys usually use pick-up lines as a lead-in to asking for a phone number or name — or making a move.

Nobody admits to using pick-up lines, but everyone's guilty of trying them at some point. Whether they're subtle or comically blatant, at least they make for good stories. So the next time someone says to you, "Hey, what's your sign?" don't get annoyed. Instead, tell 'em, "It's a stop sign, and you better slow down."

Dating Again?

2008-03-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

Re-entering the dating scene as a single parent can often be a difficult process. After the heartbreak of a death or divorce, it is hard to starting dating all over again. Dating with children can add to that difficulty, but shouldn't be considered a burden.

If you don't want to jump back into the bar and club scene, look online! Online dating services are used by thousands of people, seeking casual or long-term partners.

Never let your online date pick you up or drop you home on a first date. Don't let them into your home until you have been on several dates, and you feel like you can trust them. Date rape can happen, even in a long-term relationship.

Your children do not need to know about your sexual experiences. Get the kids to stay overnight at the other parents, with your parents, or with a friend. This is especially true of casual sex relationships.

Don't talk about your dates with your children. They may be hurt or upset still. However, depending on the age of the child, you may need to divulge some information.

Use your lunch hour wisely. Baby-sitters can be expensive, so why not organize a lunch hour date when the kids are at school?

If you start dating seriously with one person, you should introduce them to your kids. However, do take your time. Don't have your partner come to every social activity, or stay every night. Your children will feel confused, and possibly annoyed with the sudden "intrusion".

Treat every date as a learning experience. If you feel as if every date is a failure, don't be concerned. Experience and age have just refined your tastes.

At all times, remember that you should be looking for a companion for yourself. Don't look for a "replacement parent" - but look for a good match that has parent potential. Most importantly, have fun and enjoy re-entering the dating scene!

Online Breakups

2008-03-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

Online relationship breakups can often be tougher than offline breakups. While you may never have met them face to face, or even spoken to them on the phone, you will still have had a personal connection with them.

Because we are inclined to open up more rapidly to other people online, an online break-up will often hurt much more. Understand that what you are feeling is natural, and that the hurt will pass.

Post Breakup Tips

Get away from the computer. You have probably spent a lot of time on the computer, so take the time to go outside, and enjoy the outdoors.

Clean your house. Use all that negative energy inside you for a good purpose.

Call up some old offline friends and catch up. You may not have seen them much recently, because you were caught up with your online relationship.

Find some old online friends too. They can help you through you through the tough times as well. An added bonus is that they will understand how you are feeling after your online breakup.

Stop using the chat you were using while you were going out. Find another chat room or message board.

Pack away any photos or anything else that you received from your online love. It is not necessary to throw anything though, unless you really feel like you need to.

When you are ready to try online dating again, sign up to an online dating service. Don't bring any resentment from your past relationship into your new one though!

Online Dating: Personal Safety

2008-03-26T09:26:00.000-07:00

Online dating can provide a great, anonymous way to meet new people. While many online dating services provide a safe environment to meet others, you should never automatically assume you
are safe from Internet predators.

Before You Agree To Your First Date

Never agree to meet someone from an online dating service without first knowing a lot of information about them. Females especially should first obtain the other persons full name, address,
and home telephone number.

If the other person is only willing to give you a work phone number, or a pager, you should be very wary. This may mean that the other person has a spouse, or partner.

Test your potential online date, by calling at an unexpected time. If you do not know the person who picks up, there's a big chance that you have been lied to.

Before Your Date

Trust your instincts. If your gut feeling says "don't go" - then don't. If you do agree to meet someone for a date, you should be the one who sets a time, date, and location appropriate
for you.

Remember that your safety could be at stake. You will need to spend some time with the other person before you really begin to know them well.

Tell someone where and when your date will be. Give a friend or family member the full name, address, and telephone number of your online date.

Arrange to "check in" with your friend sometime during the date. Let your friend now if there are any change of plans.

If your online date starts saying that they want to keep the date secret - you should start to question their motives.

On The Date

Never get picked up by your online date. Take your own transport to the date and back. By taking your own transport, you can give yourself a chance to escape if things go wrong.

Arrange to meet in a very public place. You should choose to go somewhere that you know, or at least can check out beforehand. Meet in daylight, or stay in an area that is well-lit, with
lots of people.

If at any point, you begin to feel awkward or scared about the date, you have every right to leave. Excuse yourself, and make a phone call to a friend.

There is a chance that your date may truly frighten or alarm you - leave immediately, and call the police if necessary.

After The Date

No matter how great the date is, you should never let your online friend come back to your house. They may have been lulling you into a false sense of security.

Date smart, and date safe!

Online dating: Photos For Your Profile

2008-03-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

To give other singles an idea of what you look like, most online dating services will require that you include a photo with your profile. Just as you would want to look good for your first date, you'll want to look good in your photo.

It is best to use a color photo. Black and white photos do not have the same level of realism as color photos. Color photo representations are far more accurate.

Make sure that your photo is clear and focused. If you don't have a recent, focused photo of yourself, get one taken. If your features aren't clear in the photo, people may wonder what you have to hide.

Don't wear sunglasses or hats in the photo. Your face should not be hidden behind hands, pets, people, trees, furniture, or signs. Once again, people may wonder if you have something to hide.

Use a photo that shows you looking good. Photos can often express some of your personality and originality! The photo should be a recent photo, not from 10 years ago.

Try to avoid using a group photo, unless it is you with your children or grandchildren. Be proud of your family. Don't use photos where it is hard to who you are in a group of people (for instance, you with friends of the same age).

Avoid any "suggestive" photos. This will attract unwanted characters. If you are unsure of a particular photo, ask yourself - would I want my date's family and friends to see this photo?

Online dating: Trust, Honesty & Safety

2008-03-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

Online dating presents the modern single with many new opportunities. At the same time, more opportunity brings more risks. Until you meet a person face to face, it can be hard to know the truth about them.

In any relationship, there must be a certain degree of trust, honesty, and safety. People in online relationships can often mask the truth about themselves, bringing trust, honesty, and often safety into question.

Is your new online relationship built on trust? Are you being honest with each other? Are you ensuring your own safety? Our guidelines below are designed to help you with all of your online relationships.

Never reveal any personal information. Your first name should be sufficient. If anyone begins to pester you for your last name, you should consider avoiding them. Use a webmail account for any email correspondence - don't use your ISP-assigned email address.

You should also never tell anyone where you live. Never let anyone know the street or surburb you live in. If you live in a small town, it may be safer to only mention what state you live in.

Be cautious when answering any personal questions, as you don't really know who the other person is. The less personal detail you provide them with, the safer you are.

You may be wondering how anyone can trust you if you are not telling them the truth about yourself. Remember that your safety is much more important than being truthful. Check every email and message you send, to ensure that you do not accidentally give any personal information out.

If the other person begins to get angry with you because you won't tell them your street address, this should be an indication that they may not be entirely trustworthy.

Some people that you talk to online may make you feel quite awkward, either through their topics of conversation, as well as their questions towards you. Remember that no one has the right to make you uncomfortable.

If you don't like a situation, leave it. Report any abusive or harassing contacts to a chat room or message board moderator. They will be able to take appropriate action against the abusive person.

These warnings are not meant to discourage you from beginning online relationships. Many people have found life-long love and friendship via the Internet, but you must take care. Not everyone is honest or trustworthy - so take care.

The First Phone Call

2008-03-26T09:12:00.000-07:00

At some stage, you may wish to take your online dating to the next level - a phone conversation. If you are nervous about your first phone call, don't be. Soon enough, you'll be talking
on the phone like you've known each for years.

So whether you've already fallen in love over email - or you want to test them before you get serious - our advice will help you make a great first phone call.

Smile and Calm Down

Remember to smile while you are talking. Smiling can calm you down, and make you fell more comfortable. The other person will be able to "hear" your smile - which will help them relax
as well.

When to Make the First Call

Plan your first call. Make sure you have no distractions around at the time - like other people. Your attention should be focused solely on them.

Topics of Conversation

If you are scared about awkward, uncomfortable silences, take the time to prepare a "Topic List". Write down a few topics to talk about, so if you get stuck for conversation, you can
pick something from your topic list.

Chose a few topics that you have been talking about on line. This help you both feel comfortable with each other, as you have already discussed the topics online.

How to Finish the Call

Don't just say "goodnight" and hang up. Organise your next phone call, or at least mention that you would like to speak again.

If you don't want to speak with the other person again, mention this also. It is best to be honest! If the other person isn't interested in you, remember that there are plenty of other
people looking for love online!

Online Dating Tips For Men

2008-03-26T09:08:00.000-07:00

You may have impressed someone online with your great profile and emails, but your first real life meeting could make - or break - your relationship. Our advice can help you make a great first impression on a potential partner.

First impressions are often made in under ten seconds. If you can present yourself well in the first few seconds, and the minutes that follow, your first date will be a big success.

Remember to be yourself. Be confident in your own skin, and it will show. Even though you may be incredibly nervous, remain calm. A great icebreaker could be making a joke about how nervous you're feeling!

Be on time. Plan to leave your home 15 minutes earlier than you would need to, just in case anything happens along the way. If you are running late, call ahead.

Smile. A smile shows that you are a positive, attractive, vibrant person. Smiling will also help you to calm those nerves, and your dates.

People will judge another person on various characteristics. This doesn't mean that you need to be a tall-dark-handsome-man or a blonde-blue-eyed-femme-fatale. Instead, pay attention to the little things, like:

your posture and body language

eye contact

personal hygiene

good dress sense

outward confidence

your smile

Women should not dress in revealing clothing for the first date. Wear something that makes you look and feel good. Guys should wear stylish clothing that is clean and ironed. First dates are not the best times to wear your new outfit for the first time.

On the rest of your date, you will need to build on that first impression. Concentrate on being happy, fun, kind, humorous, confident, and most importantly - yourself!

Negative impressions are just as easy to create as positive impressions. Your date will not be impressed if you act immature, shallow, self-centred, materialistic, and judgmental.

If you are nervous about making conversation, review a few email conversations you have had in the past. Think of a few questions that you haven't asked yet. This is the time when you get to know your date better, face-to-face.

Avoid talking too much, in an effort to fill silences. Don't babble, just accept the silences as a temporary lull in conversation.

Also avoid talking about current events. Viewpoints vary wildly on topics like politics, world events, and religion. Leave the serious talk for later dates. Fighting over differing viewpoints is a good way NOT to get a second date.

During the date, you should pay attention to your partner's body language. If you notice negative body language, try to fix the situation. Positive body language will show that you're doing a great job at impressing your date.

At the end of your date, don't ask straight up for another date. Leave the possibility open. Mention that you had a great time, then, instead of asking for a date, just say, "Let me know if you'd like to come out again."

First impressions last forever, so you should focus on making your first impression a good one. Who knows, your first date could be the start of a life-long, satisfying, relationship.

Conversation Tips for Date

2008-03-24T13:29:00.000-07:00

To keep your date interesting and lively, it’s important to strike up some good conversation.

For some people, this comes totally naturally, but unfortunately for others, it can be the start of a nightmare.

As a general rule, avoid the following areas of conversation:

Death or tragedy
How much you earn
Politics
Religion
Sex
Your plans for marriage and family life

Don’t reveal too much about yourself early on.

Never discuss you past dates or sexual conquests.

Stay clear of the old “chat up lines”. These don’t work on date. You will end up feeling stupid if you crack an old chat up line or pun that your date does not find funny at all.

One for the men here. Do NOT talk to her breasts. Women hate this and find it degrading and will soon run a mile.

You may find this difficult as you obviously find her attractive to be on the date in the first place, but keep those eyes well clear.

You want to try and sound confident during your date, but not cocky. Try not too talk about yourself too much and if you do, only when asked. You need to sound confident in yourself, but not overconfident !

You want to sound like you are comfortable holding a decent conversation in any situation.

Keep the conversation flowing nicely by using open-ended question. For example.

“If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?”

By asking why at the end, prompts for more than a one word answer and will inevitably lead to more questions from you. Be genuinely interested in the answers.

Try to be witty, funny and entertaining, but don’t act like a clown. Your date will soon disappear.
Never lie. If you are asked about a particular situation or subject, and you feel your date is not going to like answer, try to steer clear without looking like you have something to hide.

Wait until much later in your dating to start talking about romance. Don’t feel the need to tell her all the reasons why you would make such a great partner. Give it time. Too much, too soon, will have your date bolting for the door.

If you think that you are running out of ideas for conversation and you can't think of any more subjects to talk about, look at what your date is wearing. Is there an unusual watch, ring or piece of clothing? Ask them about it. This will get them talking about themselves, and you can keep asking more questions to keep things going nicely.

Learn To Be Confident And Take Rejection in Your Stride!

2008-03-24T13:22:00.000-07:00

No matter who you are or where you are from, rejection will happen to you at some point, whether it be a job interview, a loan application or asking for a date. The key to success in dating is knowing how to handle the inevitable rejections. When you get rejected it can be quite upsetting and you may start to question yourself. DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

The most successful date seekers laugh in the face of rejection and simply try again.

Do not expect high success rates in singles bars and dance clubs. Try normal, everyday, common places instead.

Broaden your horizon.

If you must date only the best looking men or prettiest girls, your rejection rate is going to be much higher.

Be realistic.

The more you date, the more skilled you will become and besides, there is no known link between physical appearance and dates that are the most fun.

Rejection is definitely not fun. However, a rejection is only one person's opinion. You don't like everyone, and everyone isn't going to like you. If someone says no, then he or she misses out on getting to know great you really are.

Take care of yourself and always improve physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.

Looking out for yourself and feeling good about yourself will make you confident. Again, if you can take care of yourself, there is a good chance you can take care of others. If you appear that you can fulfill the needs of others, you are attractive.

Brainwash yourself by looking in the mirror everyday and telling yourself that you are an attractive person. If you could convince yourself that you are attractive, you would soon feel attractive. Feeling attractive will make you feel confident. Confident, in return, will make you attractive. This is a classic self-fulfilling prophecy.

The First Date Tips: Keep things light hearted

2008-03-24T13:13:00.000-07:00

Great, so you have secured that all-important first date. This is a positive step in that he or she has agreed to “go out” with you and hopefully for both parties, trying to get to know each other a little better.

In this section we will cover the etiquette of the first date and a few pointers on what to do and what not to do. Places to go on a first date are covered in more detail on our date ideas page here.

If your date is someone who you don’t really know all that well and you would like to get to know them a little better, then perhaps lunch somewhere might be the best option.

Keep it simple, maybe a pizzeria or a pub lunch. Stay away from the flashy fancy stuff at this point, as no one likes a show off.

Over lunch or a drink, the atmosphere should be light and casual and it will give you a chance to talk and find things out about each other, rather than going to a movie where there is very little interaction involved. You might also feel awkward if you choose a movie and it turns out to be rubbish.

The great thing about lunch is that it is during daylight hours, which may make things a little more comfortable if your new date is female. If things don’t go to well during the date and you realize that it will never work out, then it’s easy for either party to make an excuse to get away. Such as “I have a hair appointment, doctors, dentist etc”.

On the other hand, if things are going exceptionally well, then you could always extend the date a little and opt for a walk maybe, or a few drinks in a nearby pub or bar. One tip though, never over indulge on alcohol on the first date as this can lead to all sorts of problems and you might end up no second date and a bad hangover thrown in for good measure. So, what is the proper way to greet someone when you pick him or her up or meet him or her at the chosen venue at the start of the date?

A lot of people find this an awkward moment, but it needn't be.

In this situation, I would recommend a warm, two-handed shake. When they shake your hand put your other hand over theirs - it simply shows warmth and takes the formality out of the shake.

Even the continental kiss on a first date is too much - you would be entering your date's personal space without their consent, save the continental kiss for date two or later.

Try to view the first date as a casual, informal job interview. Both parties are interviewing each other at this stage, finding out if you are suited to one and other and deciding on whether there is scope for a second "interview".

Keep things light hearted, try to stay away from politics, religion etc unless of course these topics are your date’s line of work or interests.

At the end of the date.

Hopefully you will have made it through to this point and you will have a good idea how things went and whether you both want to see each other again.

If you have exchanged telephone numbers already, this is a good sign. So how long should you wait before you try and arrange the next date?

Well, if both of you have mobile phones, it would be polite to send a brief txt message or email when you get home from the date or later that evening.

You could say something like how much you enjoyed his\her company and that you will phone them in a few days to arrange another date. Don’t be tempted (I know it’s hard) to call straight away when you get home and bombard them with txt messages or phone calls as you might appear pushy, needy and desperate and scare your potential partner away.

A simple message will suffice and leave it there. This adds to the sparkle and mystery, which makes dating very exciting.

So, who should pay on the first date ?

Well, I believe that whoever asked he\she out on the date should pick up the tab. If an offer is made to go half and half, you should accept and find a way of showing your appreciation for that gesture.

Do NOT get into an argument about money. If you feel this may happen, settle for a 50/50 split on the bill.

Art Of Flirting: Tips for Men

2008-03-24T13:07:00.000-07:00

Appearance

First impressions really do count. Make sure you are looking good and feeling fresh. Nobody wants to snog a slob. Check out our fashion section here for some great ideas on the hottest gear to get hold of.

Catch her eye

When you have spotted your potential date, simply try to catch her eye and raise your eyebrows up and down.

If she responds in the same way, that is a good sign. If she responds with a big smile, lips open, she is definitely interested. If you get no response at all, it may be that she is just very shy and looked away because she is embarrassed.

If you are with a group of lads, try standing away from the group slightly to demonstrate your individuality and point your body in her direction to show her that you are interested.

If after a couple of times trying and you get no response, leave it at that. This will happen sometimes for a number of reasons. Don’t take it as a personal rejection, move on.

The initial approach

So, you have had some really encouraging signs so far and now is the time to actually talk to her. For some, this is daunting, but it shouldn`t be, just remember, you are already half way there.

Do NOT use cheesy chat up lines. They don’t work and make girls cringe.

Instead, go for icebreakers. Compliment her about something she is wearing or talk about the venue where you are.

For example: “Hi, I couldn't’t help but notice that really nice necklace you are wearing, it really suits you. My name is James, by the way, pleased to meet you.”

I know that sounds really cheesy. I am not suggesting that you use that word for word, instead, adapt it to your current situation and surroundings. Be flexible.

Another example, in the supermarket this time.

Perhaps at the wine section. You could start a conversation something like: "Excuse me, sorry to interrupt, I don't normally drink red wine, could you recommend something that goes with beef"

Always maintain eye contact at this point and don’t talk to her breasts.

Make her laugh. Be light hearted, tell her what you like about her (again avoid the breasts), avoid serious subjects, maintain eye contact. Remember, the eyes are the gateway to the heart and that is what you want ultimately, her heart.

Keep your eyebrows slightly raised when she talks to you and lean in towards her, giving her your full attention.

Look at her mouth (not the breasts) when she speaks, deep down she'll be wondering whether you're thinking about kissing her, which in turn will make her think about kissing you.

Signs that she is interested in you

- Nice big smile, showing off her pearly whites

- Biting her lip or showing the tongue

- Putting a fingernail between her teeth

- Raised eyebrows together with a smile

- Playing with her hair

- Playing with a glass or other object close to hand

- Laughs in unison with you

If all goes to plan and you are getting some of these signs, then you are well on your way to hopefully getting your first date.

I don't know if I have mentioned this lads, but don't talk to her breasts!

Women Are Big On The Little Things Men Do For Them

2008-03-24T12:58:00.001-07:00

Women want men who possess these qualities

Sentimental and romantic without being mushy
Funny without being embarrassing
Intelligent enough not to make her look stupid
Adventurous but does not leave her behind
Smell good, but is not drowning her with his perfume
Committed but not jealous

If you want to know how to attract women, get good at doing the little things. The average single woman is not looking for perfection but she wants a little piece of heaven once in a while.

Hold her hand

Holding a woman's hand announces to the world that you are proud to have her walking beside you. It is also a statement that says you are taken, which is a form of respect she will be impressed by.

Take Notice

Take notice when she has changed her hairstyle or bought a new dress. This is a clear indication that you really see her. A few compliments will not hurt either!

Be a Gentleman

Women still love to have a door opened for them or a chair pulled out for them when they are at a restaurant.

Cook for Her

There is nothing more special to a woman than a man in the kitchen cooking the meal. It says that you appreciate her and want her to relax and be pampered.

Call Her

When you call just to say I miss you or I love you, you have struck gold! She will be thinking of you all day.

Buy her a little something

Women love the little things, like love notes and cards. You can spend a lot of money on expensive jewelery and she will still consider those love notes to be among her most cherished possessions.

Top Ten Turn Offs for Women

2008-03-24T12:53:00.000-07:00

You can tell a lot about someone on a first date. Tone of a voice, posture, body language and what a person talks about are all things that make a heavy first impression.

1. Scent - When a man doesn't have good personal hygiene it sends a big signal of laziness to a woman. Women often wear their boyfriend's favorite shirt just to carry his scent around with her. A woman won't want to get ten feet around you if you smell bad. Here's a tip: use pheromones.

2. Bad Teeth - A smile speaks a thousand words. When a man takes care of his teeth he becomes more attractive to a woman. Nobody is going to fantasize about kissing a man with bad teeth.

3. Bad Posture - The way a man carries himself says a lot about his character. If he slumps or carries his shoulders downward she will think that he is cowardly or weak.

4. Self Absorbed - When a man's favorite topic is himself he won't make it to second base with most women. A woman wants to know that a man is interested in her, and wants to get to know what she is all about.

5. Laziness - This is one of the biggest complaints women have about men. A relationship will usually sour within a short time can if the romance dwindles. Men can get lazy in the romance department rather fast. Once a guy has won over a woman he will usually stop trying. Interest in each other should never wane or the relationship will surely fail.

6. Penny Pinching - The majority of women hate men who keep track of every penny they spend. This sends a message that the man will be cheap on a date or will have a problem with spending money if they were to become a couple.

7. Womanizer - Women like to be a man's one and only. While most women do not mind if he looks at another woman, she would be turned off if he were to flirt with others.

8. Too Quiet - Being shy or quiet can be associated with boring or reserved. When a man is very quiet or shy a woman will usually move on. Women like to be pursued. Talkers tend to reveal more about themselves which can make them more approachable.

9. Coming on Too Strong - A woman wants to be pursued but usually will lose interest if a man comes on too strong on the first date. Part of the thrill is the chase. She wants a relationship to reach intensity over time. Groping and pawing on the first date can change her opinion of her date really fast.

10. No Ambition - Women want men who have a plan for the future. Men are attractive when they have a vision or direction he strives towards. She will see passion in his everyday living and a future that might include her someday.

The Basics of Getting Laid or How to Find the Girl of Your Dreams

2008-03-24T10:55:00.000-07:00

Let's face it, pal.

Most men are more the scanning type than they are the scholarly type. And this includes you. Yeah, there's a reason you've been making regular trips to the library and it has little to do with checking out books. The real reason you're there is to check out a few looks--like the looks on that curvy librarian.

OK Einstein. You've impressed us with you ingenuity. Now impress Brandy by going up to her and thinking up something clever to say. What's that? You can walk the walk but you can't talk the talk? We see. Your feet have no problem carrying you to great lengths to be near the babes. It's your lips that suddenly become glued at the thought of actually talking to a woman.

Well there's good news. If you have a pulse, there still is time. With the help of some women, I'm going to give you all the advice you need to find the girl of your dreams.

SHOOT IF YOU WANT TO SCORE

Forget all that nonsense you've heard about defense winning championships. If you want to bring home your trophy you have to go on the offensive. Nothing worthwhile was ever attained by sitting back and waiting for something to happen.

Think about it. You are a major player in the game, but so is Debbie. There's a reason why she spends an hour in front of the mirror making sure her appearance looks edible. It's to entice you. Women try to look good so they can use it to their advantage. If you can keep in mind that women are trying to attract you too, half the battle is over. All you have to do now is bring that runner home from third.

"If a guy wants to talk to a girl and he's just afraid of being rejected, he should just take that chance," says Victoria, a 23-year-old graduate student with out-of-this-world looks. "Or else, he'll never know. He has to decide whether or not it's worth it to him."

I'm willing to bet a woman with out-of-this-world looks is well worth it.

WHAT'S MY LINE?

OK you're psyched now. You didn't realize women were out there looking to get picked up. You thought only guys had one-track minds. Well, now it's time to put that one-track mind to work. Even if the only reason you want to meet Sally is so you can bury your buddy in her um...., you can't just blurt that out. Be cautious.

Women want to be won over. They have a certain public image to uphold. They can't be as open as men are with their desires due to the social ramifications. That's why your approach is very important. And using a line just won't cut it.

"A lot of guys go out of their way with all these types of pick up lines," says April. "They should just use a genuine comment. A compliment would probably grasp my attention better than anything else."

"You don't want something that sounds like a line." adds Victoria. "Just something that sounds sincere. Something just like, 'I saw you and wanted to come up and talk to you.'"

So what do we take from all of this? First, you should sound genuine in your approach. Make her believe there's something really special about her besides her curvy figure. So, be complimentary, but be sincere. Also ask her about herself. Women like to talk about themselves. And when they open up to you, they feel closer to you which is exactly what you want--to get as close as possible to her delicious body. Remember, she needs you as much as you want to knead her--but be polite, sincere, and complimentary in your approach.

LOOK BEYOND YOUR LOOKS

We're not going to lie to you. Looks matter. You know it yourself. You're not after her for her mind. It's the same for women, but only to a certain extent. Yes, an attractive man catches a gal's eyes, but usually they get over that and look for something more.

Don't think so?

How many times have you witnessed Joe Average with a different knockout every other week? What secret does he possess that makes him desirable to the type of woman you want? Well, he's probably just himself. That's it. Himself. It can't be money. If a gal is really gorgeous, she can get any man she wants, right? Good looking guys have money, too.

His car? Please. See the above theory. Good looking guys have been known to drive nice cars. It comes down to Joe Average taking pride in himself and his appearance. Confidence in yourself is really appealing to women.

To help, make yourself more desirable. For starters, shower regularly. Brush your teeth. Get a decent haircut and use that exercise bike that's been collecting dust in your basement. And most importantly, remember to smile.

OK, you passed the test. You bathed, rehearsed your approach, and thought of something meaningful to say. After scouting out the girl with the sizzling legs for weeks, she has agreed to go out with you. Depending on how she feels about you, she may even decide to end up under the sheets with you.

KEEP HER COMING BACK FOR MORE

Now you're going to need to know how to please her. Yes, you have to please her! You can just think of your needs. If you're good and you know what you are doing, she'll reward you with more sex. And that's what you want. When you're a good enough lover, she'll come back for more.

Yes, that gorgeous, beauty will want you all for herself.

A woman needs to feel her partner is sensitive to her needs and desires. So, you might have to spend some time learning about what she likes and dislikes. This is also the time to bring on the compliments about her body. Tell her how much you love it and how much it turns you on. Telling her how voluptuous a bod she has will help her get rid of any inhibitions and will lead to more pleasure for both of you.

And then work over every inch of her body. Keep in mind you're doing it for her and not for yourself. Your goal should be to get her so excited that she will be ready and willing for you when the time comes to take that plunge. If you take enough time to do right by her, she's going to be as excited for it as you are.

Now get to work boys and good luck.

Top 5 Ways of Improving Your Relationship

2008-03-24T10:19:00.001-07:00

Make sexual episodes spontaneous.

Avoid making your sex life routine. Try to make surprises for her. Instead of inviting her over everynight at the same

time in the same place do something different. Take her out and go to a lover's point and try it in the car or even outside if she's real kinky. Grab her while she's doing dishes or while she's on her lunch break. Find a time where neither of you are expecting it and creep your hand down her pants or something. She will be surprised but happy that you did it.

Have special day for your partner

Instead of having the same boring night it will be good to try to make a special night. Make a nice dinner or go out somewhere you haven't been to. When you come home, have candles, flowers, incense, etc. ready for the occassion and instead of jumping into intercourse. Make her feel special. Rub her all over with a smooth oil or even with your hands. Do your own initimate things with your lingerie or even those handcuffs. Let her relax while you pleasure her slowly and have a long period of foreplay before you get into your own passionate or wild sex night.

Make yourself look better

Making yourself look better can range from the way you dress to your style of dress or even your body. If you want to impress your woman friend, try improving yourself for her. If you know that all your clothes are old and you have holes in most of your shirts then maybe it's time to go shopping. She will appreciate it more than you. If you don't feel like spending that money and rather spend time then work out! It doesn't take that much to start noticing a difference and not only will it change your looks but it will alter your sex life. You will be able to last longer and pump harder.

Help your partner relax

Your and her life are most likely stressful. A way to improve your evenings alone and overall spirituality is to get rid of the unwanted stress. First, try helping her out to get rid of her stress to feel more at ease during your evening sex. Offer her help with her daily routine. (i.e. cooking, laundry, cleaning, homework, shopping or anything of the sort you can help with). After you remove some of her stress in this matter, encourage her to do something for herself. Give her a gift of money or certificate to give her time to go shopping. Give her a chance to get a manicure or massage or even money to buy lingerie or clothes. After all of this said and done, try making occassional romantic evenings and have her try on her lingerie for you.

Change the way you argue with her

Usually when you argue, you want to be right and usually when you try to be right, one of the two of you will be wrong thus making it a no win situation because someone will be wrong. Arguments are healthy for a relationship as long as it is an argument and doesn't turn into a uncontrolled fight. When neither of you are satisfied, it is the wrong situation to be in and these types of situations must be stopped. When you and your honey argue, try not to make it such a big deal and get out of the argument when both of you are satisfied and happy with the outcome. If one of you is feeling mad about it and not satisfied, it's always good to

apologize about it to make it better. Never let one of you go off while mad. This will just create an unhappy partner and a negative feeling. The outcomes of all the arguments will add up to the anger of the person over time as well. Control your arguments and even if you're right about something, it is better to give in than to make your partner feel bad. Have friendly "fights". Don't let the fights make you sleep on the couch.

Long Distance Relationships

2008-03-24T10:16:00.000-07:00

Everyone always wonders about having a relationship where the partner lives hours away. This is a very hard subject to work with because there are many cases where the relationships do work. But in most cases, do not work, or do not work correctly. Much of the time a person will meet someone else and cheat on their other partner. Since they live so far away it seems justifiable to the person, but it is very wrong.

Long distance relationships are always tough. You might have to wait long periods of time before even seeing your partner. This is a strong test on how your relationship will last mentally instead of physically. If you have a strong psychological bond with your partner you will have a much easier time than someone with a stronger physical relationship. You will also have to be able to trust the person greatly.

There are so many factors in long distance relationships. This article could be pages but most of our articles are kept short due to simplicity. Long distance relationships are known to fail almost all of the time because the partner will either move on, or get tired of not seeing their mate enough.

The final decision in this as all of the other tips is up to you, but it is suggested not to have a long distance relationship because of all the factors that will separate the couple anyway. We suggest you move on and start meeting new people.

In the case that you are in love, then hopefully the long distance relationship will not be for a long period of time. There are always things you could work out, but in most cases we found the best way to deal with a long distance relationship is to completely stop talking or slow talking down to friendly conversations.

How to Know a Relationship is Over

2008-03-24T10:15:00.001-07:00

Sometimes it is hard to tell if the relationship is really over or if your just taking a break. If you broke up with her and you change your mind, it's also hard to tell if she wants you back. If it was a sudden breakup then the spark between you two has a good chance of still being there. There are always signs to help you understand where you stand. If it is not totally obvious to you, check out some of our hints:

If she treats you differently than she treated you before...perhaps friendlier...then you know you're in the unescapable friend stage.

If she starts talking about other guys with you.

She insists on paying for herself.

She wants to have group dates rather than individual dates with you.

She says nothing when she knows you are talking to other women.

If your relationship slowly deteriorated then the spark usually goes out for good.

She doesn't seem excited to talk to you.

How to Know If She Is Interested

2008-03-24T10:12:00.000-07:00

Some of us guys don't know when a woman is interested so we don't know when to make a move. So keep in mind these things when you meet a woman or you're on a date with her. Usually you can feel the vibes right? Not always though, sometimes the signs are a little more subtle, so here you are:

She will touch you. It doesn't have to be a big touch. But just contact on the thigh or arm. However; women vary and if she is interested she might be too shy to touch you. That takes us to numero dos.

She will compliment you. Again it might not be obvious and it also might just be friendly but be aware. The compliments might range from your clothes to your looks. Look into her eyes and try to read her. You can tell a lot if you pay attention. Hopefully she will compliment your nice cologne that you have. That is usually a good sign that shes interested.

She'll ask many questions about you and possibly relationship related questions. That would be a dead giveaway. Be careful with your answers. Look at her reactions to your answers; you will know what she's thinking. She will ask many other questions as well possibly to test you or she is interested in what you have to say.

She will indirectly ask you or give you the opportunity to ask her on another date. She might make a reference to doing something with you in the future. She might ask for your help with a school subject or work subject.

At the end of the date, it is always good to pay attention too. If you try to kiss her and she let's you passively or turns her head so you kiss her cheek....uh oh. If she is comfortable with you and kisses you warmly then you might be in. If you're the shy type try at least kissing her cheek but don't back away after, stay close she might kiss you back or you might lock tongues!

How to Control Your Partner

2008-03-24T10:07:00.001-07:00

If you have ever been in a relationship where you have the stronger feelings, then you will realize that you had less control of that relationship. Whichever person has less feelings or takes the relationship less seriously, that person will be able to manipulate all of the situations. If this is the case for you then you have to try to turn the situation around so that you are in control or you are at least sharing control.

As the relationship starts:

The best time to put yourself into control is as the relationship is forming. If it forms while she is in control of things then it will most likely stay like that until there is a big change in the relationship. (i.e. feelings change) So do not give into her every desire just yet at least. Even if you like to spoil your girl, hold back on it and just make her happy. Women will test you at the beginning of relationships. She might ask you to take her shopping or to buy her this or that. Any one of those things is an obvious sign. Instead of always reluctantly accepting, take control and decline in a nice way. English is fortunate to have ways of saying no in very nice ways. There are many euphimisms that can be put to good use. Tell her you will get it for her on her birthday. After you say that, if you really want to spoil her, get it for her as a surprise at the end of the week. This way you make her happy, but she is not in control.

You're in a relationship and she has control:

If you are unfortunate enough to not be in control of your relationship you are probably always going through ordeals and it seems your partner is having it on easy streak. This is not so. In almost every case when lovers have arguments both of them are in distress, it is just that only one of them will show or tell how they feel. If you want to be in control of the relationship you must first learn to control yourself. Learn to control not telling your feelings all the time; after all, they are your feelings.

When your partner has control over you they know it. You have to find a way to turn it around. You have to show them that they do not control you. Do not always be the person to call them back when you hang up on each other. This situation is very important and happens in every relationship. Give her the orders. If she hangs up on you and waits for you to call back...don't! Get comfortable doing something else and take her off your mind for the moment. When she calls back stay mad at her for hanging up. Make her the one that apologizes. It is okay if the woman takes control sometimes but you have to put your foot down for things that you want to do. If the superbowl is on you tell her there is nothing that will pry you off of the couch and make her understand that. The main thing is put your foot down and do not give in. She will come to her senses. Most women like their man to have a sense of control over them anyway.

5 Tips on flirting

2008-03-24T09:25:00.000-07:00

Be friendly; women know that when a guy approaches them it is because they think they are attractive, if you don’t give this woman that impression she will like it. Approach her in a friendly manner asking about something that does not seem too personal so she will not think you’re hitting on her just yet. Ask a question that you might ask anyone, and then pretend you did not notice her for a couple minutes then try initiating a conversation. If she finds you attractive she will most likely start to talk to you before you start to talk with her again anyway.

Give her compliments, but do not sound corny, say something you really believe. If you like her hair, or shoes, tells her that you do. Tell her you like the way she smells. She will be flattered.

Let her talk. Just try to listen to what she has to say. Most girls take control of the conversation by talking…a lot. If you let her talk you will not sound conceited at all and she will feel you want to hear about what she has to say. She will ask you a question if she is really interested in something about you. Prepare questions for her and she will ask questions in return.

Sound interested. A lot of the time she will be babbling on about something you have no interest in, but even if you’re not listening at least act like its important to you. If you’re interested in everything she has to say it ups your conversing points with her. If your interested in what she is saying she will feel more comfortable to talk even more and eventually you will be interested in something she has to say…I hope.

Be touchy. If she lets you, and is comfortable with it, then try to be touchy with her. Put your arm around her or tickle her once in awhile. Only do this occasionally or it will get annoying. If she is tickling you back in return, putting her arm around you, or making any physical contact back to you, you will know you’re in there and that she is flirting back with you.

5 Things to Avoid in a Serious Relationship

2008-03-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

Do not be eager to sleep with her.

Better yet, pass up your first chance to sleep with her. If you do this she will know that you respect her and that you are not just looking for a good lay; women worry about being used.

Absolutely avoid the relationship to get based on sex.

We all know sex is a great thing, but in a serious relationship that cannot hold. If both of you are freaky that is fantastic, but on the reverse side, you might have to make sure your mentally attracted to each other as well. Do fun things that do not end with sex at the end of the day.

Do not start problems with her friends.

I know it is rough sometimes, but you have to do it. If her friends seem to upset you every time you are around them then either change their point of view on you, or simply do not be around them so much. Some women rely on their friends support (I know it is incredibly sad). If you start by having trouble with her friends, most of the time it is not that difficult to remedy the situation. Try to be nice, but not so nice to the point where your girlfriend will think you’re too much of a pussy.

Avoid being fake.

Do not pretend to be someone you aren’t. Just be yourself, if there is a small change to make; for example, being more relaxed, or calm, then you will be able to slowly change into the habit of dealing with situations differently, but in no way should you try to be something you are not. Later on in the relationship your true self might come out and ruin your relationship. If she does not like you for who you are she does not deserve you.

In no way let her lose trust in you.

If she loses trust in you it takes forever and a lifetime to get her to trust you again. Losing trust in your partner or vise-a-versa will make the relationship much more difficult so avoid losing her trust. Try not to lie to her, especially about big things. Some white lies are okay…if she never finds out, and if it isn’t a big deal; after all, ignorance is bliss. Do not get into a habit of lying or not telling her things; she will mistrust you. Just let her be able to trust you and things will be great.

5 Signs That You Gave Her Great Sex

2008-03-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

She is weak

You have just finished and you see she looks exhausted after you did all the work… and that is a sign she had an intense time. Her knees will be weak and she will just need to lay there in bed for awhile. Now you can be proud of yourself as a man to have dominated her the way you did.

She is very happy

You will look over and see her smiling. It will be obvious she has had a good time because she will smiling and will talk about how great it was. She might even refer back to “last night” or “that one night”. She might even mention it two or three times the next day. If anything of the sort occurs you will know you did some damage.

She cries

Sometimes it’s scary when a girl cries after sex, but when it’s for the right reason it’s a compliment. If she experienced a huge orgasm and it brought emotions out, she is not crying for some weird reason; she is crying because you made her feel very good.

She is still aroused

These are more of the obvious signs that she had a good time if you couldn’t already tell.

After all the work and physical contact you went through, she will obviously not be cold, and yet her nipples are still looking up at you…hmm… she must be happy. If she was yelling and screaming and squirting her juices, that would be another dead giveaway that she loved you loving her.

She is emotional

Much like the crying part, except without the crying, she will be very emotional and want to hold you and not let go. This is always healthy to do, but when she really wants you to squeeze her tight you know something was different about that time. So put your arms around her and be satisfied she liked it and that she will want more tomorrow.

Top 10 Ways to Impress Girls During Sex

2008-03-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

If you want to enhance your sex relationship, do the following:

Cuddle after you orgasm

Many guys make the mistake of leaving or falling asleep right after sex; this seems very legitimate to us men, but women have a whole different mindset. If you want to impress her, then after you dump your load, cuddle and talk to her for a good amount of time before you hop in your truck and go home.

If you visit a girl and fuck her, then leave right after, which isn’t such an uncommon thing to do, she will most definitely think you’re a jerk. Even a little talking, cuddling or saying some nice things before you bail will go a long way.

Physical contact

Women love physical contact during sex. Whether it is fondling her breasts or kissing and feeling the shape of her body it will make a huge difference to the woman. She will feel more intimate with you and love you for it.

Try the many things you know during sex to enhance her time. You might want to try licking her ear, whispering in her ear, biting her ear, rubbing her breasts, etc. Try to be touchy feely.

Take some control

Men do most of the deciding on positions so learn them! Read our Kama Sutra section for positions. During sex you will have to take control of the situation—know what you’re doing. Do not be rough about it. In a gentle way, move her into the positions you like. Make sure she is alright with the positions before you start pounding away. Not all men are gentle and caring. Be that man and you will win her over.

Try to please her

If you want more sex she will obviously have to like it; so please her as well as yourself. Try to last longer and give her a great time. There are condoms that help delay your time of arrival incase you need that.

Pay attention to her

Many times us men will get caught up in the enjoyment and beauty of her body that we will neglect what she wants. Next time your in bed with a woman, pay attention to her, even ask her what her favorite position is beforehand to enhance your night. Make sure you're paying attention to her desires as well as yours.

Try new things

You don’t want sex to be the same every time or it will become routine and boring. Add new positions or games. There is a myriad of new things to try out that will spice up your sex life. But as you are trying new things, make sure she is alright with it and don’t try a really crazy thing without speaking with your partner first.

Be careful what you do

Sometimes we get carried away with language or too much physical contact. If you’re going to call her names in bed, cum on her, or “slap her ass”, you will definitely need to be careful. She might eventually think you do not respect her (and of course you do). If you and she are into these sorts of things in bed, you should make sure to have more intimate and special nights to remind her that you do respect her.

Take it slow

Instead of constantly ripping off her clothes whenever the two of you are alone; try taking it down a notch. Once in awhile, at least, take her clothes off slowly. Just because you’re up and ready to go this instant does not mean you have to. After you’ve stripped naked, feel her body and have some fun with foreplay before you enter her.

Be thoughtful

What more can be said? She is a person and has feelings too. Don’t take her out for fastfood or have her cook for you everyday. Make her a nice meal after she has had a long day and be romantic. Put wood in the fireplace and dim the lights. Women appreciate things that most men never do. Make her feel special before you climb into bed.

Be sensual

The more you touch, whisper in her ear, massage, lick, and kiss her the more the both of you will enjoy the night. The longer the episode lasts the better it will be. Rub her back, or lick her neck before you get going. Touch her all over and have her touch you. Kiss intimately and take your time. The longer you wait, the more she will want you and the better the night will be.

Beyond Sex: Why Would a Woman Want To Come Back For More

2008-03-24T08:58:00.000-07:00

Please accept my congratulations on getting your rocks off. Now that you've taken care of that little problem, suddenly you remember that you have important business to transact elsewhere. So you are ready to put your pants back on and head outside. But SHE WANTS TO CUDDLE! Bummer...

Here comes another crucial moment when you really can make a mess of things. On the other hand, if you play your cards right, you can more than make up for any horizontal under-performance on your part. Truth is, for many women the post-coital cuddling is the best part of the whole sexual experience. To understand why this is so, please consider why the woman wants to be with you in the first place. You may think it is your big this and that which makes you so irresistible.

Sorry to burst your bubble, pal, but most women (as well as men) have figured out a way to satisfy their physical needs on their own. A woman doesn't REALLY need a guy to get off. She can probably get herself off much better and much more reliably than any guy ever could. After all, she knows her own body much better than the guy, having spent a lot more time with it. What they want to get from a guy is a sense of appreciation, caring, support, protection, and being cherished. All of these things (called "emotional needs" in woman speak) are more than a mere dildo can deliver. In other words, she needs to feel that you cherish her, both in and out of bed.

Relationships with guys are very important to women because they measure themselves by their ability to maintain a quality relationship with a quality guy... Relationships with guys are their source of self-esteem and self-worth. A woman needs to be able to attract attractive guys. This is how women earn their status in the world of women. No money in the world or professional achievement can substitute for that.

If a woman doesn't have a boyfriend, or the boyfriend that she has is an unattractive nerdy uncaring bald guy with a ponytail who generally sucks, she feels like a completely worthless person, she gets depressed, she cries into her pillow, she is going around asking herself "What's wrong with me?" But if she gets a prize boyfriend or husband, her self-esteem is off the scale! All this is very difficult for a guy to grasp. For you, a girlfriend is something that is "nice to have", but she certainly is nowhere as important as maintaining your Web site! If you don't have a girlfriend, do you cry into your pillow? And let me ask a rhetorical question here, if you were given a choice between a girlfriend and a latest notebook, what would you choose? I know what I would choose...

So your job is to continuously show her that she is desirable and attractive. You accomplish this by sleeping with her, by telling her how attractive she is, by showering her with compliments and/or attention, by being seen together with her by other women who turn "green with envy"... You are a combination status symbol/ therapist/motivational coach, and yes, also a sex toy. I almost forgot that last one.

There is even a theory out there that what a woman looks for in a guy is an image of her own father, the Father-Daughter relationship being so important to a girl during her formative years, blah blah blah... If that relationship wasn't working, she is likely to grow up into another one of those needy insecure and pathetic women with low self-esteem. In other words, she is looking at you and hopes to find the father that was, or maybe meet the Dad that never existed. For instance, if the woman's Dad just wasn't there, or was emotionally absent as she was growing up, she may spend the rest of her life sleeping with older guys, old enough to be her Dad. Sounds like incest to me...

Anyway, it may really help the situation if you THINK FATHER. Kind of like caring, but also strong, willing to listen, but also ready to show who is the boss if she gets out of line... Then you'll begin to fulfill those mysterious feminine "emotional needs". On the other hand, if the woman feels you forgot all about her even before your sperm hit the walls of her vagina, and she is left there like a discarded Kleenex, she'll feel insulted. Talk about a rude awakening. So go ahead, cuddle away. I know cuddling after sex is a royal pain, but if you do it you will still be considered the greatest lover in the world, whatever your physical attributes (or lack thereof).

And if you still absolutely cannot stand it, here is a tip for you: after the act, say something like "I'm thirsty, would you like something to drink too?" This tactic, number one, gets you out of bed, and number two, it shows you as a nice CARING guy! Maybe even find out what her favorite drink is beforehand. If you perform a woman's wish without her even having to ask, it is such a turn-on for her!

So go ahead, be caring. Show an interest in her problems. If you can't do interest, at least be curious. Call often. But not TOO often. I know I probably already have you confused, but nothing kills romance like too much familiarity. So how close you will eventually get is something you definitely should think about and try to control.

Stay too cold and aloof, and she'll go to someone better equipped to fulfill her "emotional needs". Get too close, and you'll become more like a good old friend to her than a hot lover boy. Then she'll go and find someone more mysterious and therefore more interesting and romantic. So it's always a balancing act, and how much is too much is a judgment call. But don't worry, you'll get the hang of it.

I Love You For Your Personality, Baby. Now Get In Bed

2008-03-24T08:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, you were shown how to make the woman fall in love with you on your first date. She thinks you are NOT like other guys. Now how do you make the transition from mushy romantic to your true self (horny S.O.B.)? The answer is: slowly.

Fact: Women are always wondering: does this guy want me for "one thing only"? Or does he like the whole package? Does he love my personality as well as my assets?

The answer to the last two questions should be a resounding YES! if you want to get the woman to sleep with you. What to do?

For starters, try treating her as a person from day one, not just a piece of meat that a horny S.O.B. like yourself wants. Treat her with respect and dignity above all, not at all like a slut, even if she IS a slut.

Ask her name. Pay attention to what she is saying, like what she is saying is real valuable. TALK to her about stuff (but not about something that will bore her to extinction, like computers). And avoid sexy topics like the plague (like your body parts, or what you'd like to do to her, or to have done to you). Otherwise she would think: He thinks I am a slut, he wants me for one thing only, he is showing me no respect! Light gossip about people you know makes for good conversation.

Don't try to grope her on your first date and don't drop your pants either, for reasons outlined above.

Another idiotic strategy would be to show the woman porn movies in the hope of "turning her on". That's a sure way to turn a woman off! Porn is strictly a guy thing. In short, try and avoid revealing your true horny self for as long as possible.

Show respect

Above all, take your time with her, what's the rush? First you have to pass the various tests: Does he like me? Does he like me for one thing only? Only then will you be allowed to do the heavy-duty stuff that you really want. Remember the rules of etiquette that your parents taught you? That's terribly important around women. If you remember those, that means you respect her "personality" and you are a "sensitive" guy!

To top it all off, tell her in a sincere tone of voice:

"I am a not the kind of guy who would want you for one thing only. I am in love with your whole being! I am not gonna deny it. I am physically attracted to you. But I love you so much that I don't even care if we have sex or not. Being around you, with your effervescent personality, is reward enough for me!"

If her eyes don't well up with tears and she doesn't fall in love with you after hearing these noble sentiments my name isn't Dr. Casanova. She'll want to hear more of this crap, and it just so happens that there is no better place to express your appreciation of her personality than the good old bed...

That Crucial First Date

2008-03-24T08:51:00.000-07:00

You are afraid of women. You feel scared when you are out on a date. Well, I got good news for you. THEY are even more afraid. Women are extremely insecure creatures. And you thought you were insecure.

Well, get a load of this: at least you don't spend your waking hours putting stuff on your face and you don't spend all your money to buy clothes to appeal to the opposite sex!

Women are always forever asking themselves the same question: How do I look to this guy? Does this guy really like me?

Where does that leave you? You can start out by liking her. If you are scared, and she is scared, that's no good. That's not a good place to start a relationship. Don't worry about what you say or do. Concentrate on liking her. Just sit there, find something that you particularly like about her (after all, if there is nothing about her that you like, what are you doing there in the first place?) It could be her smile, her "boobs", or whatever, just stay with the thought, think about the things you like about her, until you feel a real good warm feeling glowing inside of you.

Again, don't worry about what you say or do. Women have their antennas out, probing for psychic current of like/dislike floating towards them. It's really hard to fool their radar, so don't even try any Oscar-winning performances, please. Just assume for the time being that she can read your mind, OK? If you really like her (inside of you), she'll know it.

No need to try to impress her with your accomplishments, your effervescent personality, your sense of humor, or tell her your problems. She wants to talk about the most important person in her life -- herself. Let her. Your goal is to make her talk, and listen. Surprisingly few guys listen to women, or maybe they listen but they don't pay attention.

Again, don't worry about how you look to her or what you are saying. Focus on her and your good feelings towards her 100 percent. And CARE about her story. If you can't do "care", at least you can do "kinda curious", can't you?

Look her in the eyes. That establishes an unspoken communication channel that conveys your feelings (and turns her on, as an added bonus). And once that invisible "flow" between you and her begins (don't worry, you'll know it when it starts) the right words will come to you.

WARNING: You wouldn't think of going out on a date wearing dirty smelly underwear, would you? And you probably won't be wearing your work clothes that you work on you car in, either? Well, get a load of this: showing up on a date when you are seriously upset about something, or worried, is as bad or maybe worse than showing up smelling like an elephant's butt. Because she will sense your bad feelings and take them personally, she will think it's about her, your upset will pollute the whole atmosphere.

So she is sitting there, basking in the warm appreciative glow coming from your direction, and she is beginning to think "Hey, this guy really likes me". And since you like her, she'll like you back! We all like people who like us, it's only human...

She'll probably do most of the talking anyway, so your job is mostly to just sit there, completely relaxed, and like her. Once your feelings are firmly established in her mind, man, you've got credibility. How about some compliments! Don't overdo it though. And above all, don't be crude. Limit your comments to the VISIBLE parts of her body, like hair, smile, eyes, hands. Leave the boobs and butts alone for the time being. And above all, don't be phony. If you think her hair sucks, don't say it's beautiful. Just shut up, will you. But if you kinda like her hair, why don't you just say she has beautiful hair? It won't kill you, you know.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER Unless you get to like her inside of you, NONE OF TIPS ARE LIKELY TO WORK. Once she feels you like her, you can exaggerate your feelings and generally bullshit and get away with it. If you feel nothing, then she feels nothing. Just leave her alone, find somebody else. There are billions of other women out there. If you try to b.s. your way through, you will be exposed for the fraud and creep you really are. Don't be completely phony!

How to be a "Sensitive guy": the quick fix

2008-03-24T08:46:00.000-07:00

Myth: You need to be a hunk with a Porsche and an expensive stereo to get laid.

Fact: You don't REALLY need any of the above (although it wouldn't hurt). All you need to be is be "sensitive". If you are not "sensitive" you can learn. It's a small price to pay, believe me.

Ever heard women talk about "sensitive" guys and wondered what they have in mind? Before we begin, let's examine women's motivations more closely.

Fact: Women like to complain about their life, about everything. The shortcut to a woman's heart is: get her to start bitching to you. Once upon a time, there lived a Russian writer guy who wrote: "If you want to seduce a woman, just listen to her complaining". And God knows, he was really on to something.

This is really sweet. You just sit there and listen. SHE does all the talking. But don't just sit there like a rock. You've got to pay attention to what she is saying. Don't interrupt. But make sympathetic noises from time to time, like "Yeah", "This really sucks" and so on. She is getting your undivided attention, which means you "understand" her, which makes you a "sensitive" guy and her friend. Well, you get the idea.

A sensitive guy is a guy who listens to women's bitching. The best gift that you can give to a woman is the gift of your attention.

The Horror of We-itis

2008-03-24T08:16:00.000-07:00

I'm having a bit of a problem -- I need to figure out how to tell one of my friends she has become that which she most hates. Or hated.

I've been friends with Kelly for about two years. During most of that time we've been each others default date... you know, the person you can always call when you need a member of the opposite sex to accompany you to some couples event. Or someone to go to the movies with, or get a beer, or check out the fun new restaurant that just opened down the street... for anything really.

We used to sit and laugh for hours, mocking those who were saddled with the responsibilities of a relationship, while reveling in our singleness. And Kelly would make retching noises and lament the lost friendships whenever one of her friends would meet the "perfect guy" -- yet another one lost to the dreaded We-itis, a terrible disease that causes the infected person to take someone else's opinion into account before going to the bathroom.

You know the type. You want to go out for a beer with your friend... she needs to check with her boyfriend. The kind of person who will break plans you've had for two weeks on the off chance she'll get to spend 15 minutes with HIM. The guy who starts missing the Wednesday night poker game he's been coming to for years.

What the hell is wrong with those people? How can they forget about those who've been there for them through everything? We'd clink beers and swear it would never happen to us.

And then she met Mark.

To be fair, he's a really nice guy. He treats her well, has a good job, and he's pretty cool to hang out with. I'm honestly happy for her -- for him too, they're a good couple. And yes, I expected to see less of her, it's totally understandable.

But so much for her not getting we-itis.

A few weeks ago I invited them both over for drinks before going out. Kelly called around 5 to say she and Mark would be here around 7:30. Not a problem. 7:30 came and went. 8:00. 9:00. By then I wasn't waiting any more. But the phone never rang, they never showed, I ate too much cheese, and I still have an enormous bottle of gin in my freezer.

And her excuse? Nothing. Sure, she apologized for not coming -- she's not THAT bad. But she actually couldn't give me a reason why they never showed -- and why she never called.

Well, maybe I'm too nice. I can forgive a lot, and while it was incredibly rude it wasn't the end of the world. I let it slip.

Then there was this past weekend.

A friend of ours was having a 30th birthday party on Saturday. We got a group together to have dinner and then go out dancing. Perfect. Of course Kelly and Mark were invited, and sure, they were only two of the eight or so people who were going to be there. So would they come?

I mentioned it to Kelly on Tuesday -- can they make it? She hemmed and hawed, and I got a definite maybe. She wasn't sure yet. I checked with her again on Thursday, but she still wasn't sure -- she had to check with Mark and he was away in New York on business. Presumably the phone between here and there wasn't working.

So I get a call on Saturday -- at least she remembered to call this time. They're not coming. Why? She gave some excuse about a wedding "thing" she had to go to. Now, what wedding thing could she possibly have to go to starting at 7 or 8 on a Saturday? Well ok, I can think of a couple. But how many of those would be a surprise?

People! Don't do this to your friends! There's a middle ground here . . . a place where you don't blow people off for no reason, and you make it to important events like birthday parties. A place where you can do things with your friends and your new S.O.-- and at the SAME TIME! If he's really the perfect guy there will be plenty of opportunities to spend "quality" time alone together . . . like the rest of your life. If he's not the perfect guy, why are you ditching your friends for him? The perfect guy wouldn't want you to.

So yeah, I'm pissed. And I'm sad. See, I had this friend . . . now she's lost but doesn't know it -- and I can't quite figure out how to tell her she's gone. I need to hold a mirror up in front of her so she can see she's become this horrible thing she used to mock incessantly -- except I don't know where to find her. And even if I did, I'm not sure she'd care.

She's one of them now, and I don't see that there's anything I can do. Except celebrate who she was before she got sick.

And find a new default date.

Owing Your Ex

2008-03-24T08:10:00.000-07:00

When we enter into relationships, they come with certain obligations -- everyone knows that. All of the sudden you have to take someone else into consideration before you make a decision. Want to pick up and move to Phoenix for no reason? Better discuss it with your boyfriend. Staying out all night with the boys? You might want to call you're live-in fianc鮠Buying a new car? Unless you're a dot-com millionaire, you'd better clear it with your wife.

But at which point after a relationship ends do you stop owing someone an explanation? When can you stop filling someone in on the details of your life?

A lot of it depends on your current relationship with your ex. If they're still a part of your life and you talk every few weeks, you might prefer that they hear certain things from you rather than someone else.

But if you haven't spoken in a few years you almost never need to tell them anything.

Examine your motives -- that should give you all of the answers you need. Are you sharing to make yourself feel better or because it will hurt them? No confessions of cheating to assuage your guilt, no gloating over your latest honey when your ex has been single and depressed for six months. Always keep the other persons feelings in mind. Does she really need to know? Ok, your doctor tells you you're HIV+, and may have gotten it as much as five years ago because you're a dumb ass and didnt get checked. YES, she really needs to know. Does she need to know that you most likely got it from the prostitute you cheated on her with in NY when you were there on business? No.

Of course, just because you don't owe them anything doesn't mean you get to be rude and insensitive (unless you were dating Evil Incarnate).

In fact, if you can get past the feelings of obligation, you can come through for him on the big things with much purer motives. I'm not talking about "being there" so they can call and whine about the status of your relationship, but for when they seriously need you . . . and I'm speaking from personal experience.

A couple of years ago I was in a really bad situation -- I may fill you in on the details another time, but let's just say my mom was not well and leave it at that. I called my ex, Michelle, whom I hadn't spoken to in a year and a half. Without giving me any crap about calling out of the blue, she left work and came to the hospital to see me. She talked to me a lot during what was a really tough week for me, and she went to the funeral when
it was all over. There's no way I can thank her or repay her for helping me through one of the most difficult times of my life.

But did she owe it to me? No. Not even after five years of dating.

Once someone's your ex, you really don't "owe" them anything -- besides taking their feelings into account when you talk to them or about them. No explanations. No rehashing what went wrong. Not even phone calls to let him know you're engaged even though you haven't spoken in two years.

But obligations aside, if you can come through for him when it really counts, that's what matters. And he'll thank you for it, one way or another.

Surviving the Holidays Alone

2008-03-24T08:07:00.000-07:00

The holidays have reputation for being lonely and stressful for those of us who don't have anyone to share it with. But it can be a fun time too, if you know how to handle it. And trust me, being single is way less stressful during the holidays than trying to juggle all of the different things that need to happen when you're in a relationship.

Take Thanksgiving for instance. My plan? I'm going to get my turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes ready the night before. Then I'll get up around 6 in the morning, stick the turkey in the oven, and go back to sleep. I'll get up around 9, which will give me enough time to settle in on the couch in my underwear, watch a little pre-game show, and see the Pats and Lions kickoff at 9:30. I'm going to spend the day eating, drinking beer, and watching football. Sound lonely? Stressful? Not to me -- it sounds like heaven.

Now I'm not saying that if you don't have anyone to spend Thanksgiving with you should do what I'm doing -- it's not for everybody. But surely you can come up with your own plan -- something you enjoy doing on a day when you don't need to take anyone else's opinion into account. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or go on a road trip. Hey, Canadian Thanksgiving was back in October -- ever been there? Nothing will be closed. Whatever's going to make you happy. The same goes for Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah or whatever holiday you celebrate in December.

Just think -- if you're single, who do you have to buy presents for? No stressing over the perfect gift, except maybe to buy one for yourself and get your nephew something. By that token, I'm done with my holiday shopping already -- I got myself a new cordless drill last weekend, and I'm damn happy about it.

On the other hand, if you were in a relationship, you'd have all sorts of complications. Visiting your own family is hard enough, try working out the details of coordinating with someone else's family. Everyone has their own traditions, but you can't be in two places at once, at least not together. Do you spend Christmas Eve with her family or yours? What about Christmas Day? What do you do for Boxing Day? What the hell IS Boxing Day?

Then there's New Year's Eve. There's no way around it: if you're single, New Years just sucks. But you have to make the most of it so get together with some friends or go to a singles party. I spent last year at a concert with a half dozen of my best friends from school -- and their girlfriends. Fortunately I was with a big enough group that I didn't feel like a third wheel, but I wouldn't recommend it if it's just going to be you and two couples. And if you're lucky, maybe you'll find someone to give you a kiss at midnight, even if it is just a peck from one of your friends' girlfriends (thanks Rachel).

So if you know how to prepare yourself, being single during the holidays can be one of the most gloriously happy times in your life. You just have to be ready -- make a plan, keep busy, and do the things YOU want to do. Even if that means blowing off a holiday party to sit half-naked on your couch stuffing yourself.

Jump Start Your Social Life in a New City

2008-03-24T08:04:00.001-07:00

Being in a new city can be really tough -- in my whole life I've never lived in the same place for more than six years, so I've got lots of experience with it. My most recent move was three years back when I moved to a new city -- with no friends, no job, and no place to live. Of course my first goal was to find that job and place to live -- but then what? How do you find a new social life?

Tip #1 -- You're going to have to be a LOT more social than you're used to if you expect to get to know anyone.
This means going out a lot until you find a place you like, then going there frequently. It can be a bar, a park, or even the public library . . . you just want to make sure you have the opportunity to interact with people outside of work, hopefully with people who share your interests. Of course, that doesn't mean you can sit in the stacks of the library reading obscure literature and waiting for someone to come up to you. Nor does it mean you should drink like a fish and accept a dare to do a topless lap around the bar. The key is just to get OUT of the house. It's too depressing to stay cooped up all of the time, so get out during the week and then plan to spend the weekend nights home alone. That way you can avoid the most stressful of evenings, when everyone seems to be out with others, and people who are out alone are viewed askance. And no matter how dogged you are, it's going to take longer to find new friends than you expect. Most people say it takes at least a year to find a groove.

Tip #2 -- Moving is the perfect time to reinvent yourself, but think about who you want to be AHEAD of time.
Ever decided you wanted to be a vegetarian, but were afraid of what your friends would think? Or maybe you wanted to start shooting photos instead of deer, and abandon your Guns&Ammo past? Perhaps you were thinking of becoming a kayaking guide, a career that lacks prospects in the Midwest? Moving gives us all a chance to become more of who we want to be without the pressure friends can put on us to conform to their expectations. No one in the new place will know you haven't been a picture-snapping-veggie-kayaker for years -- they won't think anything of it. But be careful, like everything in life you have to do what makes you most comfortable. If you're faking your way through an awkward persona you're not going to relax enough to meet anyone.

Tip #3 -- Moving is an opportunity to get rid of the dead weight -- but hold onto your real friends.
Moving is an excellent chance to "lose touch" with people who just aren't worth your time in the first place -- and it's also easier (not easy, but easier) to end a bad relationship that way. Especially if you move twice in a short period of time, and neglect to give them your new phone number. Not that I've ever done that, of course. Ever. Just make sure you keep in touch with your real friends, because they're the ones who will cheer you up when you drink-and-dial them at three in the morning on a Wednesday.

Relocating is a tough proposition, but if you go in with the right attitude it's a total adventure. Sure, there's a chance you'll risk everything to pursue a dream and end up hitchhiking back to town with your tail between your legs. But there's also a chance things will work out great -- maybe not as you expected, but great nonetheless. So when it's especially tough, you feel completely friendless, and you think nothing can make you feel better, sit down for a minute and contemplate the immortal words of Jack Handey:

"We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town."