- Act fast - the first rule out there is whenever you see a beautiful girl that catches your eye, act immediately within a few seconds. You will be forgiven for doing something stupid, saything something stupid or saying nothing special, but your chances drop to zero if you do nothing, stand back and stare at her from time to time, and undecisevely approach her later.
- Talk to girls - the best way to date girls is to initiate conversations with girls whenever possible. Talk to them even if you are not specifically trying to pitch them, just be an attractive person to talk to and you'll feel extremely comfortable being with a girl. Being confident pays big time because women don't like wimps, they look for men who are ready to provide and confidence signals that.
- Art of talking - you spend 90% of time together with a girl talking, so your conversational skills are important. The art of seduction teaches that the most important thing to lay a girl is, first, to get her thinking about something good, about positive feelings, her positive experiences and achievements, and later to drive the conversation to get her thinking about sex.
- Keywords - some claim the best way to make a woman hot with talk is to scatter your language with sexual keywords, even if the talk is not about sex. Play with positive and sexual words like "great, best, top, good, together, us, connection, ride, inside, enter, penetrate".
- Thoughts - a woman will want sex if she has been thinking sexual thoughts. That can be used or misused. But the idea is if you have established good contact with a woman or simply want to make your girlfriend hot and horny, you have to make her start thinking about sex. Don't get me wrong she will love it, as sex following the state of arousal is much greater for women as compared to sex without arousal. You can be sure of one thing - if you tell a woman dirty jokes, tell her some sex stories, or watch together sex video and she is still there with you not breaking the contact, then she is thinking about sex and chances are she is pretty wet, admitting it or not.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
How to seduce a woman, make her horny?
There are quite a few comprehensive rule books out there about seducing women. In the real life it is never as easy, but here are some of the best ideas that I think are worth noting:
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Q & A: How to Use Mystery to Attract a Woman
Q. I have the hots for this girl I’ve known for about a year. We have spent time together and I know she feels the same.
My problem is, I’m separated from my wife and it's putting her off. I need to know how to make her jealous without making it obvious and also how to eventually win her heart.
Maybe she feels I’m not to be trusted cause I’ve cheated on girls before. I know she feels the same but I don’t want to make a fool of myself. Thanks...
A. Hello,
Well, you could get back with the ex and have the best sex of your life – that’d make her jealous! No, I think there’s a better way.
I think you really want to do two things:
1) Make her jealous; and,
2) Change her mind about you, your ex and your past.
If you just go out and start banging a bunch of women and make it obvious, she's going to think you're a player, which will just put her off even further.
On the other hand, if you just seem to be busy - and aren't around when she calls or wants to talk, her feminine mind will start working and you'll have the power you're looking for. So, do this:
1) Be scarce. Don't answer the phone, and take at least a few days to call her back.
2) Never answer the phone, or make return calls to her on the weekends - after all, you're busy, right?
3) Always cut any conversation with her short by saying, "Oh, sorry - I have to run. I'll call you later... bye." [click!]
4) Talk about the great time you had with a "friend" the other night. Don't specify the sex of this "friend".
5) When you are out with her, have fun! Make your time with her something to remember – but don’t hesitate to flirt a little with other women too. Bring them in and make the part of the party!
Finally, for God's sake - don't talk about your wife with this woman other than to say how much you’re over her! Every time you bring her up in a positive vein, you're just confirming her greatest fear - that she's still in the picture. No woman wants to have to compete with that!
My problem is, I’m separated from my wife and it's putting her off. I need to know how to make her jealous without making it obvious and also how to eventually win her heart.
Maybe she feels I’m not to be trusted cause I’ve cheated on girls before. I know she feels the same but I don’t want to make a fool of myself. Thanks...
A. Hello,
Well, you could get back with the ex and have the best sex of your life – that’d make her jealous! No, I think there’s a better way.
I think you really want to do two things:
1) Make her jealous; and,
2) Change her mind about you, your ex and your past.
If you just go out and start banging a bunch of women and make it obvious, she's going to think you're a player, which will just put her off even further.
On the other hand, if you just seem to be busy - and aren't around when she calls or wants to talk, her feminine mind will start working and you'll have the power you're looking for. So, do this:
1) Be scarce. Don't answer the phone, and take at least a few days to call her back.
2) Never answer the phone, or make return calls to her on the weekends - after all, you're busy, right?
3) Always cut any conversation with her short by saying, "Oh, sorry - I have to run. I'll call you later... bye." [click!]
4) Talk about the great time you had with a "friend" the other night. Don't specify the sex of this "friend".
5) When you are out with her, have fun! Make your time with her something to remember – but don’t hesitate to flirt a little with other women too. Bring them in and make the part of the party!
Finally, for God's sake - don't talk about your wife with this woman other than to say how much you’re over her! Every time you bring her up in a positive vein, you're just confirming her greatest fear - that she's still in the picture. No woman wants to have to compete with that!
Q & A: How To Handle A “Dry Spell”
Q. I seem to have hit a recent dry-spell with women. Every woman I keep running into is already "involved" with someone else, have messed up lives, or something is mentally wrong with them! For a while I'll have plenty of women to choose from, then all of a sudden, the well runs dry! The old ones start boring me, and the new ones are basically fucked up! Is this common?
Is it really a numbers game like they say? I'd like to get back on the right track as quick as possible!
Thanks Doc!
A. Hello,
This is actually quite common. You're going to have the feast/famine scenario pretty regularly, but that's not a bad thing - if you make use of the feast side of things and plan for the famine.
The trick is to gather numbers when the gettin' is good, and to harvest those numbers when things get slim. Remember that you want to space things out a little bit so that you’re not calling women back before a week anyway. If you play things right, you can actually make contact with them and put them back another 2 weeks, make contact again, etc. You can only do this about 3-4 times before she’s going to go crazy wondering if you’re ever going to actually meet her however!
Further, yes - you're going to find that many women you meet are either crazy, demanding, game-playing, claim to already be hooked up, (even though they just spent the last 40 minutes flirting with you), or just down-right bitches! This is just the rule of the game. You won't know these things until after you call them back, so be ready. These are the hazards...
Is it really a numbers game like they say? I'd like to get back on the right track as quick as possible!
Thanks Doc!
A. Hello,
This is actually quite common. You're going to have the feast/famine scenario pretty regularly, but that's not a bad thing - if you make use of the feast side of things and plan for the famine.
The trick is to gather numbers when the gettin' is good, and to harvest those numbers when things get slim. Remember that you want to space things out a little bit so that you’re not calling women back before a week anyway. If you play things right, you can actually make contact with them and put them back another 2 weeks, make contact again, etc. You can only do this about 3-4 times before she’s going to go crazy wondering if you’re ever going to actually meet her however!
Further, yes - you're going to find that many women you meet are either crazy, demanding, game-playing, claim to already be hooked up, (even though they just spent the last 40 minutes flirting with you), or just down-right bitches! This is just the rule of the game. You won't know these things until after you call them back, so be ready. These are the hazards...
Q & A: Will we ever be the same again?
Q. "I wanted to share my story with you all and get some feedback.
I have been dating this girl since the end of May, everything was great we have fun we laugh and we have a lot of intimate times together, not always sex but very enjoyable. About two weeks ago her ex came into town and she went to go hang out with him two nights in a row, she said she had some issues to clear up with him. Well the weekend passed he left but our level of intimacy has gone from 10 to a 1.
We spoke about what happened and she said that she was no longer in love with him and she now sees that they could not be together. They are just friends, she said that nothing happened. Ever since then we haven't even kissed for more than 30 seconds.
This past weekend I did something that I never do I asked her to come back to my place to be intimate, she said maybe and the night ended up me taking her home and thats it. I have tried to get close to her without any luck. I dont want to seem like a a-hole guy and say something stupid. So can you please help me? I need some advice."
A. "Whew! That was close, dude! I'm glad you sought out help before you wallowed too long in this unhealthy pool of delusion. Okay, here's the Bottom Line: It sounds like she got together with him again (slept with him, had sex, the Horizontal Bop) and now she's regretting it. Hence, her comment about them not being able to "be together." She's saying that the loving was good, but the drama was too much, even for her. (Yeah, I know she said "nothing happened", but if you believe that, I've got some quality real estate to sell you.)
Time for a little tough-love. (But you came here because you are strong, smart, and willing to change, right?) So here it is:
You are her rebound. For you to make it through this, you will have to be ten times as challenging to her so that you will overcome her attachment to the previous guy. HOWEVER, the reality is that you can hold NO hopes of actually raising the intimacy back up to the "10" it once was. Why? Because her "10" interest in you was only created by her romantic female desire for a new Prince Charming to come fill in the void left by the old guy.
The Total Bottom line: If she's gone from a 10 to a 1, she's telling you that you need to be moving on. She's (unwittingly) stringing you along because you're her convenient new puppy to help her get over the last big dog. (Two kinds of love for women: Doberman she has sex with and stays with, and the sad little Beagle she walks around the block -- until the next Doberman shows up.)
Here's the unhappy pattern that will be set in motion. See if it sounds familiar: Her unavailability (i.e., CHALLENGE) will stimulate your nervous system to chase her. She will then sense your clinging and desperation, and she'll pull even further away, leaving you to panic and chase her even faster, as she runs even faster from you ...
And the downward spiral has begun. And we know where it always ends, don't we?
This is harsh, but it's a wet slap of reality that you'll thank me for later: Drop her, NOW. If not sooner. It's the only way you'll stand a chance. The only sure-fire cure for this kind of rebound dementia is to get out there and DATE OTHER WOMEN.
Don't be a Sad Little Beagle (AKA: Masturbates Alone) who sits around with her as she weeps through another viewing of 'Fried Green Tomatoes' or 'Thelma and Louise.' If you're not her intimate sex-buddy, you're just a friend. And in the process you're killing your self-confidence and posture.
Bang.
Dead.
If you want to turn the tables (and you'll have to in order to get this woman's head turned back to you) then you'll have to give her a little Doberman action. Ask yourself what you would do if you had lost interest in this gal. You would probably first drastically reduce your availability to her. If she calls, you are just on your way out and you'll call her back. If you are making a date with her (or already have), make it then break it. With no explanation. And, finally, you need to show her a bit of unpredictability. Keep her guessing, about what you're doing and with whom you are doing it. The less she knows, the more mysterious you are in her eyes, and this will engage her attraction.
Most guys would hesitate to use such tactics because they feel that it is mistreating her. Not so! You are only demonstrating to her that she is not your focus (and you are not her tool), and this is absolutely necessary for you to exert your independence and earn her respect.
Here's your love meditation for the week: When a woman gets out of the pool, she's looking for the closest towel. But ask yourself, what happens when she's dry?"
I have been dating this girl since the end of May, everything was great we have fun we laugh and we have a lot of intimate times together, not always sex but very enjoyable. About two weeks ago her ex came into town and she went to go hang out with him two nights in a row, she said she had some issues to clear up with him. Well the weekend passed he left but our level of intimacy has gone from 10 to a 1.
We spoke about what happened and she said that she was no longer in love with him and she now sees that they could not be together. They are just friends, she said that nothing happened. Ever since then we haven't even kissed for more than 30 seconds.
This past weekend I did something that I never do I asked her to come back to my place to be intimate, she said maybe and the night ended up me taking her home and thats it. I have tried to get close to her without any luck. I dont want to seem like a a-hole guy and say something stupid. So can you please help me? I need some advice."
A. "Whew! That was close, dude! I'm glad you sought out help before you wallowed too long in this unhealthy pool of delusion. Okay, here's the Bottom Line: It sounds like she got together with him again (slept with him, had sex, the Horizontal Bop) and now she's regretting it. Hence, her comment about them not being able to "be together." She's saying that the loving was good, but the drama was too much, even for her. (Yeah, I know she said "nothing happened", but if you believe that, I've got some quality real estate to sell you.)
Time for a little tough-love. (But you came here because you are strong, smart, and willing to change, right?) So here it is:
You are her rebound. For you to make it through this, you will have to be ten times as challenging to her so that you will overcome her attachment to the previous guy. HOWEVER, the reality is that you can hold NO hopes of actually raising the intimacy back up to the "10" it once was. Why? Because her "10" interest in you was only created by her romantic female desire for a new Prince Charming to come fill in the void left by the old guy.
The Total Bottom line: If she's gone from a 10 to a 1, she's telling you that you need to be moving on. She's (unwittingly) stringing you along because you're her convenient new puppy to help her get over the last big dog. (Two kinds of love for women: Doberman she has sex with and stays with, and the sad little Beagle she walks around the block -- until the next Doberman shows up.)
Here's the unhappy pattern that will be set in motion. See if it sounds familiar: Her unavailability (i.e., CHALLENGE) will stimulate your nervous system to chase her. She will then sense your clinging and desperation, and she'll pull even further away, leaving you to panic and chase her even faster, as she runs even faster from you ...
And the downward spiral has begun. And we know where it always ends, don't we?
This is harsh, but it's a wet slap of reality that you'll thank me for later: Drop her, NOW. If not sooner. It's the only way you'll stand a chance. The only sure-fire cure for this kind of rebound dementia is to get out there and DATE OTHER WOMEN.
Don't be a Sad Little Beagle (AKA: Masturbates Alone) who sits around with her as she weeps through another viewing of 'Fried Green Tomatoes' or 'Thelma and Louise.' If you're not her intimate sex-buddy, you're just a friend. And in the process you're killing your self-confidence and posture.
Bang.
Dead.
If you want to turn the tables (and you'll have to in order to get this woman's head turned back to you) then you'll have to give her a little Doberman action. Ask yourself what you would do if you had lost interest in this gal. You would probably first drastically reduce your availability to her. If she calls, you are just on your way out and you'll call her back. If you are making a date with her (or already have), make it then break it. With no explanation. And, finally, you need to show her a bit of unpredictability. Keep her guessing, about what you're doing and with whom you are doing it. The less she knows, the more mysterious you are in her eyes, and this will engage her attraction.
Most guys would hesitate to use such tactics because they feel that it is mistreating her. Not so! You are only demonstrating to her that she is not your focus (and you are not her tool), and this is absolutely necessary for you to exert your independence and earn her respect.
Here's your love meditation for the week: When a woman gets out of the pool, she's looking for the closest towel. But ask yourself, what happens when she's dry?"
Q & A: Working Women From The Inside
Q. I have this friend whom I have deep feelings for, I told on how feel about her and she told me we are better as friends because she is involved with someone.
When I ask her if there is a possibility for us to be together, she said yes. We spend a lot of time together at my place talking about all kinds of different things, like for instance she will tell me all about her boyfriend and how possessive he is.
I do think about making a move on her, but I am scared I will destroy our friendship and I just couldn't take that. Even if I can make a move I do not know how to do it.
Could you please give me some advice on how to go about getting her into bed and if it is a good idea for me to make a move in the first place? She doesn't spend much time with her so-called boyfriend because she is either with me or at work. She may just be pulling my leg about all this boyfriend thing.
Please help me out!
A. It looks like she's got you by the short-curly hairs!
You see, she holds all the cards and controls everything. Further, she is getting everything SHE wants from your relationship. Because you're scared of losing her as a friend (or whatever!), you are just willing to take what she gives you.
My brother - this is no way to live! If you are satisfied with this, then you don't need my advice. If you're not satisfied with it, they you have to be willing to lose her friendship in order to get what YOU want. After all, if she isn't willing to go where you want - what is she really doing in your life in the first place, other than keeping you from meeting "Ms. Right"?
So, here's what you have to do. First, stop being her friend! That's right! You see, women organize men into two categories: boyfriend material and everyone else. Making the transition from one to the other is very, very difficult, but it can be done.
The first step is to stop treating her like your friend! Consider this - women don't make good friends for guys. Why not? For exactly the reasons you've already found. She comes to you when her boyfriend isn't around and talks to you about him! When she needs something, she goes to you; not him. If she wants to borrow money, it's you again, etc.
Many men make this same mistake - they think they can "work it from the inside". That is, they can build a relationship up from being a friend to something else. Chad - it can't be done. You've got to get over this!
Ok, so what do you do? First, you've got to get scarce - and do it abruptly. Stop returning her calls immediately (if she even calls you!) and get yourself busy doing anything and everything else! Especially, don't be around on weekends. If she calls, let it go to the answering machine - that's what it's for. You can return your friend's calls immediately if you want to, but let her wait a few days.
When you do call her, (in a few weeks), ask her out for dinner or a drink. Now, here's the important part: act like it's a date! Forget you were friends and start ACTING like a boyfriend. When she questions this, just tell her that YOU are ready to move on to something more mature.
When I ask her if there is a possibility for us to be together, she said yes. We spend a lot of time together at my place talking about all kinds of different things, like for instance she will tell me all about her boyfriend and how possessive he is.
I do think about making a move on her, but I am scared I will destroy our friendship and I just couldn't take that. Even if I can make a move I do not know how to do it.
Could you please give me some advice on how to go about getting her into bed and if it is a good idea for me to make a move in the first place? She doesn't spend much time with her so-called boyfriend because she is either with me or at work. She may just be pulling my leg about all this boyfriend thing.
Please help me out!
A. It looks like she's got you by the short-curly hairs!
You see, she holds all the cards and controls everything. Further, she is getting everything SHE wants from your relationship. Because you're scared of losing her as a friend (or whatever!), you are just willing to take what she gives you.
My brother - this is no way to live! If you are satisfied with this, then you don't need my advice. If you're not satisfied with it, they you have to be willing to lose her friendship in order to get what YOU want. After all, if she isn't willing to go where you want - what is she really doing in your life in the first place, other than keeping you from meeting "Ms. Right"?
So, here's what you have to do. First, stop being her friend! That's right! You see, women organize men into two categories: boyfriend material and everyone else. Making the transition from one to the other is very, very difficult, but it can be done.
The first step is to stop treating her like your friend! Consider this - women don't make good friends for guys. Why not? For exactly the reasons you've already found. She comes to you when her boyfriend isn't around and talks to you about him! When she needs something, she goes to you; not him. If she wants to borrow money, it's you again, etc.
Many men make this same mistake - they think they can "work it from the inside". That is, they can build a relationship up from being a friend to something else. Chad - it can't be done. You've got to get over this!
Ok, so what do you do? First, you've got to get scarce - and do it abruptly. Stop returning her calls immediately (if she even calls you!) and get yourself busy doing anything and everything else! Especially, don't be around on weekends. If she calls, let it go to the answering machine - that's what it's for. You can return your friend's calls immediately if you want to, but let her wait a few days.
When you do call her, (in a few weeks), ask her out for dinner or a drink. Now, here's the important part: act like it's a date! Forget you were friends and start ACTING like a boyfriend. When she questions this, just tell her that YOU are ready to move on to something more mature.
Q & A: How to Make a Woman Bow Down to You
Q. Here's the situation, Doc: She seems nice and sweet. She is also a bit of a smart-ass, which I like. She's always "subtly" hanging around me and talking to me, smiling, taking peeks at me. She'd always ask me how my day is going, laugh at my jokes, do things for me...You know..."nice"!
The funny thing is that so far I hadn’t met ANY resistance with her...none. Talking to her...no problem. Got her number...that was easy. Setting the date up...easy! No problems! Now on the "date"...there WAS a problem! Maybe you can figure out the problem because I'm lost!
You see, I didn’t frame it as a "date" but rather I set up a "get together". I always do that. She was there on time where we were to meet which was the mall and we did some shopping. When we first met my original plan was to go to this place that has an arcade, a bowling alley, ice-skating, and put-put golf. It sounded like fun to me! But she said she wanted to stay at the mall and that was fine because that was my second option. Plus she bought some things while she was there. So I had two possible plans in place.
We shared a few laughs and there was some kino going on. Not a whole lot but enough to keep it interesting. We talked a lot (well, I let her do most of the talking) and everything was going smooth until...
Her dreaded cell phone rang and it was some guy that asked her to meet her somewhere! She NEVER said anything about having a boyfriend and I felt it'd be AFC-ish if I asked if it was! So, I didn’t ask. In fact when the phone rang I told her "Tell them you're busy!" I think cell phones on a date are rude anyhow! Oh, but it wasn’t a "date" it was a "get-together!" Hmm. Whatever it was I still thought it'd be rude if she talked more than a minute.
Anyhow, she made it quick like I told her to and then when the phone rang again; she didn’t answer it that time! So, I'm thinking that’s just how I wanted it.
Now, the issue was that she was about to blow the other guy off but then she changed her mind and decided to meet this guy. I really didn’t understand what was going on there. It was shortly afterwards that I decided to leave. The thing is that she didn’t SEEM as if she wanted to go. She was thinking of making up an excuse to tell him but...she went anyhow! What could be going on here?
She was hesitant to go but...I don’t know.
I dare not ask her the story about this other guy...I don’t care but I don’t want to be wasting my time with her either. What to do? It could have been just a friend or something more. I have no idea! All I know is that she's known him awhile much longer than she's known me. Anyhow, when she decided to go meet that guy, I excused myself shortly after. I'll see her again, however.
Like I said prior to this, she's always trying to hang around me and talk to me and she gave me her digits and we met up right after that. And she's never given me any resistance whether it be touching her or talking to her or getting her number or setting up the meeting. But, could this have been some form of test? Is she just being nice and friendly or is she REALLY interested?
What you think? Should I invite her out again later or move on?
Thanks Doc!
A. Hello,
It sounds like everything went very well right up to the phone call. You had good communication working and even were getting signs of a high level of interest from her. By calling your meeting something other than a date, (a "get-together"), you took off the pressure. When the phone call came through, you even told her what you expected, and she ended the call early. Even using the line, "...it's rude on a date..." actually worked to your benefit. Everything so far is great.
Now comes the problem.
She told you that she wasn't sure about whether to see this guy or not. What she was doing was to give you a mini-challenge. She wanted you to decide for her that she should spend more time with you. That's why she was vacillating back and forth about whether to go or not!
Unfortunately, you let her make the decision for herself. In effect she was saying, "Am I important enough for you to stand up and tell me to forget meeting him, or do you not care?" By letting her decide what she was going to do, not only did you miss a golden opportunity, you also told her, in effect that she was in control here, not you...
Consider this: when you're on a date, (or a "get-together") with a woman, she's on YOUR time. You've planned everything and blocked off your schedule to spend with her. She owes you the time she committed to with you.
By letting her decide how she was going to use "your time", she also learned that it wasn't you that was in control! Of course, you WANT to be the guy in control!
Here's another way to have handled this: when she began wondering what she was going to do, you should have said, "Look, if you want to rush off and see him, go ahead. It's very rude however, and I won't waste my time with rude people. You've already taken one phone call, but the choice is yours." Then, I would have turned and continued walking down the mall.
There's a number of subtle things going on here. First, you haven't taken the decision away from her - it's still hers to make. However, you've outlined the potential consequences of making the wrong choice - that you won't see her again!
The second thing is that you've told her that your time is valuable, (remember that from the book?), and that you don't appreciate it wasted. The third thing is, that by walking away, she has to follow you! Isn't that really what you want anyway – her to chase you?
So, now the question is whether you can salvage this situation or not. I believe you can, but you have to be clever about it. To do this, start seeing what this situation really is. She "chose" this other guy over you, even if she did so reluctantly! You don't have to lie down and like that.
So, the next time you can see her, why not bust her on it? Just say something like this, "Hey, you know, it was fun seeing you in the mall the other day, but I didn't appreciate you breaking off the date [get-together, or whatever] early. How are you going to make it up to me?"
Then, get very quiet. Don't say another thing until she tells you how she's going to "make up" for her bad behavior! You'll have to establish a minimum level of penance in your own mind, and if she doesn't meet it, just say, "Ok, and then what?"
The bottom line here is that women want you to have some direction in your life, and your relationships. They want to chase you, not the other way around, and if you keep that firmly in your mind, you can lead your relationships anywhere you want them to go.
The funny thing is that so far I hadn’t met ANY resistance with her...none. Talking to her...no problem. Got her number...that was easy. Setting the date up...easy! No problems! Now on the "date"...there WAS a problem! Maybe you can figure out the problem because I'm lost!
You see, I didn’t frame it as a "date" but rather I set up a "get together". I always do that. She was there on time where we were to meet which was the mall and we did some shopping. When we first met my original plan was to go to this place that has an arcade, a bowling alley, ice-skating, and put-put golf. It sounded like fun to me! But she said she wanted to stay at the mall and that was fine because that was my second option. Plus she bought some things while she was there. So I had two possible plans in place.
We shared a few laughs and there was some kino going on. Not a whole lot but enough to keep it interesting. We talked a lot (well, I let her do most of the talking) and everything was going smooth until...
Her dreaded cell phone rang and it was some guy that asked her to meet her somewhere! She NEVER said anything about having a boyfriend and I felt it'd be AFC-ish if I asked if it was! So, I didn’t ask. In fact when the phone rang I told her "Tell them you're busy!" I think cell phones on a date are rude anyhow! Oh, but it wasn’t a "date" it was a "get-together!" Hmm. Whatever it was I still thought it'd be rude if she talked more than a minute.
Anyhow, she made it quick like I told her to and then when the phone rang again; she didn’t answer it that time! So, I'm thinking that’s just how I wanted it.
Now, the issue was that she was about to blow the other guy off but then she changed her mind and decided to meet this guy. I really didn’t understand what was going on there. It was shortly afterwards that I decided to leave. The thing is that she didn’t SEEM as if she wanted to go. She was thinking of making up an excuse to tell him but...she went anyhow! What could be going on here?
She was hesitant to go but...I don’t know.
I dare not ask her the story about this other guy...I don’t care but I don’t want to be wasting my time with her either. What to do? It could have been just a friend or something more. I have no idea! All I know is that she's known him awhile much longer than she's known me. Anyhow, when she decided to go meet that guy, I excused myself shortly after. I'll see her again, however.
Like I said prior to this, she's always trying to hang around me and talk to me and she gave me her digits and we met up right after that. And she's never given me any resistance whether it be touching her or talking to her or getting her number or setting up the meeting. But, could this have been some form of test? Is she just being nice and friendly or is she REALLY interested?
What you think? Should I invite her out again later or move on?
Thanks Doc!
A. Hello,
It sounds like everything went very well right up to the phone call. You had good communication working and even were getting signs of a high level of interest from her. By calling your meeting something other than a date, (a "get-together"), you took off the pressure. When the phone call came through, you even told her what you expected, and she ended the call early. Even using the line, "...it's rude on a date..." actually worked to your benefit. Everything so far is great.
Now comes the problem.
She told you that she wasn't sure about whether to see this guy or not. What she was doing was to give you a mini-challenge. She wanted you to decide for her that she should spend more time with you. That's why she was vacillating back and forth about whether to go or not!
Unfortunately, you let her make the decision for herself. In effect she was saying, "Am I important enough for you to stand up and tell me to forget meeting him, or do you not care?" By letting her decide what she was going to do, not only did you miss a golden opportunity, you also told her, in effect that she was in control here, not you...
Consider this: when you're on a date, (or a "get-together") with a woman, she's on YOUR time. You've planned everything and blocked off your schedule to spend with her. She owes you the time she committed to with you.
By letting her decide how she was going to use "your time", she also learned that it wasn't you that was in control! Of course, you WANT to be the guy in control!
Here's another way to have handled this: when she began wondering what she was going to do, you should have said, "Look, if you want to rush off and see him, go ahead. It's very rude however, and I won't waste my time with rude people. You've already taken one phone call, but the choice is yours." Then, I would have turned and continued walking down the mall.
There's a number of subtle things going on here. First, you haven't taken the decision away from her - it's still hers to make. However, you've outlined the potential consequences of making the wrong choice - that you won't see her again!
The second thing is that you've told her that your time is valuable, (remember that from the book?), and that you don't appreciate it wasted. The third thing is, that by walking away, she has to follow you! Isn't that really what you want anyway – her to chase you?
So, now the question is whether you can salvage this situation or not. I believe you can, but you have to be clever about it. To do this, start seeing what this situation really is. She "chose" this other guy over you, even if she did so reluctantly! You don't have to lie down and like that.
So, the next time you can see her, why not bust her on it? Just say something like this, "Hey, you know, it was fun seeing you in the mall the other day, but I didn't appreciate you breaking off the date [get-together, or whatever] early. How are you going to make it up to me?"
Then, get very quiet. Don't say another thing until she tells you how she's going to "make up" for her bad behavior! You'll have to establish a minimum level of penance in your own mind, and if she doesn't meet it, just say, "Ok, and then what?"
The bottom line here is that women want you to have some direction in your life, and your relationships. They want to chase you, not the other way around, and if you keep that firmly in your mind, you can lead your relationships anywhere you want them to go.
Q & A: She Won't Have Sex When The Rules Change!
Q. I've been in a relationship with this one girl for a while. In the beginning, things were fun and sexual. But as time has progressed, things have taken a turn for the worse. It all started right around the time I met her. Boy, I should have watched for those warning signals more closely!
Right from the start, she said she was tired of men only wanting her for sex. I feel sex is an important part of the relationship, but she doesn’t think so. We were sexual before but now she says it's not important and she wants to wait until marriage before she has sex again. I have no intention on marrying her and this "no sex" deal is really putting a strain on this relationship and me. I can’t deal with it, Doc. It's important to me.
But if she even THINKS I'm talking to other women, she gets angry, hostile, and extremely jealous. I could be talking to my mother and she'll think it's another woman and she explodes like a ticking time bomb. It could be a female friend or a family friend and she gets furious. The insecurity and jealousy also has become a problem as well as her lack of trust and she admitted openly these have always been issues with her.
Another thing is that even before we were together, she didn’t like me talking to other women, when we were just dating! She didn’t like them near me, over my house, nothing! Also, as this relationship has progressed, she has become increasingly more demanding and trying to be controlling too. She gets mad when I miss her phone calls, she gets upset when I ignore her for any length of time (even if I'm busy running errands or with work) and this whole situation is pushing me closer and closer to the door. I confront her on her bad behavior every time and she'll simmer down for a while, then she gets started again. Her immaturity has shown it's ugly head! Things aren’t fun anymore and it's a constant power struggle and verbal fighting because she can’t grow up. It was a lot more fun in the beginning but that’s history. She is a good person and very pretty but I have to get out unless you see a way this can be saved.
I haven’t dated other women in awhile since I've been with her but that may be my only choice. I can’t deal with being in a sexless relationship, and her behavior has got out of control. What should I do? Find the door as quickly as I can or try to salvage this?
A. I fully agree with your point about NOT marrying her! Just consider this - you're in a sexless relationship now. How would you like to be stuck the rest of your life slaving away to satisfy her every whim; financial and otherwise, while being in a sexless marriage? Well, that's exactly where you're headed with your current path!
Here's the bottom line: sex IS important to any HEALTHY relationship. I don't care what anyone says. If they (including your girlfriend) think not, they are unhealthy themselves!
OF COURSE she doesn't want you talking to any other woman and is insanely jealous! If you ever found out the fact I just gave you, or found some other woman that WOULD enjoy sex like you do, she'd be alone. Talk about a controlling bitch! What the HELL are you doing with her anyway????
Here's what I would do in your situation:
I would tell her, “I respected your wish to not have sex. However, that isn't my wish, my choice or what I will devote my life to. Thus, I’m going to start dating and looking for a sexual partner IMMEDIATELY.” I'd still date her too (occasionally), but she'd have to understand that I was moving on and that my time for her would be reduced commensurate with your hunting time away from this "relationship". Further, you absolutely MUST NOT feel compelled to discuss your actions with her beyond this. She is entitled to only the part of your life that she earns - just as you are with hers.
I'd also absolutely demand that she DOES NOT date anyone else if she wants to continue to see me! That may seem unfair at first, but consider this: you're already making huge sacrifices in your life for her to choose her lifestyle! She owes you AT LEAST that loyalty back. If she can't do that, and won't have sex with you - bye-bye!!
My brother, don't just sit by and take this abuse, (and it IS abuse!) Just because the rules change doesn't mean that you have to continue playing the new game. You are allowed to have your own rules - and game - too!
Right from the start, she said she was tired of men only wanting her for sex. I feel sex is an important part of the relationship, but she doesn’t think so. We were sexual before but now she says it's not important and she wants to wait until marriage before she has sex again. I have no intention on marrying her and this "no sex" deal is really putting a strain on this relationship and me. I can’t deal with it, Doc. It's important to me.
But if she even THINKS I'm talking to other women, she gets angry, hostile, and extremely jealous. I could be talking to my mother and she'll think it's another woman and she explodes like a ticking time bomb. It could be a female friend or a family friend and she gets furious. The insecurity and jealousy also has become a problem as well as her lack of trust and she admitted openly these have always been issues with her.
Another thing is that even before we were together, she didn’t like me talking to other women, when we were just dating! She didn’t like them near me, over my house, nothing! Also, as this relationship has progressed, she has become increasingly more demanding and trying to be controlling too. She gets mad when I miss her phone calls, she gets upset when I ignore her for any length of time (even if I'm busy running errands or with work) and this whole situation is pushing me closer and closer to the door. I confront her on her bad behavior every time and she'll simmer down for a while, then she gets started again. Her immaturity has shown it's ugly head! Things aren’t fun anymore and it's a constant power struggle and verbal fighting because she can’t grow up. It was a lot more fun in the beginning but that’s history. She is a good person and very pretty but I have to get out unless you see a way this can be saved.
I haven’t dated other women in awhile since I've been with her but that may be my only choice. I can’t deal with being in a sexless relationship, and her behavior has got out of control. What should I do? Find the door as quickly as I can or try to salvage this?
A. I fully agree with your point about NOT marrying her! Just consider this - you're in a sexless relationship now. How would you like to be stuck the rest of your life slaving away to satisfy her every whim; financial and otherwise, while being in a sexless marriage? Well, that's exactly where you're headed with your current path!
Here's the bottom line: sex IS important to any HEALTHY relationship. I don't care what anyone says. If they (including your girlfriend) think not, they are unhealthy themselves!
OF COURSE she doesn't want you talking to any other woman and is insanely jealous! If you ever found out the fact I just gave you, or found some other woman that WOULD enjoy sex like you do, she'd be alone. Talk about a controlling bitch! What the HELL are you doing with her anyway????
Here's what I would do in your situation:
I would tell her, “I respected your wish to not have sex. However, that isn't my wish, my choice or what I will devote my life to. Thus, I’m going to start dating and looking for a sexual partner IMMEDIATELY.” I'd still date her too (occasionally), but she'd have to understand that I was moving on and that my time for her would be reduced commensurate with your hunting time away from this "relationship". Further, you absolutely MUST NOT feel compelled to discuss your actions with her beyond this. She is entitled to only the part of your life that she earns - just as you are with hers.
I'd also absolutely demand that she DOES NOT date anyone else if she wants to continue to see me! That may seem unfair at first, but consider this: you're already making huge sacrifices in your life for her to choose her lifestyle! She owes you AT LEAST that loyalty back. If she can't do that, and won't have sex with you - bye-bye!!
My brother, don't just sit by and take this abuse, (and it IS abuse!) Just because the rules change doesn't mean that you have to continue playing the new game. You are allowed to have your own rules - and game - too!
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