Thursday, October 9, 2008

What is it that girls really want and why isn't it me?

Note to the reader. If this seems to be a very self-centered and drawn out whine that's because that is what this basically is. What some would call a whine I shall call the discussion of my problems and if this seems self-centered that's because I can only discuss things from my own perspective.

Ok what is it that girls really want? I mean come on, all you hear about today is girls wanting someone that they can talk to and relate to. That they want someone who will listen to them and at least pretend to give a damn. That they aren't really looking for those "bad boys". Yet who do they always end up with, the "bad" boys of course. Nice guys finish last because THEY ARE NICE GUYS. Nice guys don't say the degrading and sometimes insulting pickup lines that gets you noticed by girls. They don't draw a lot of attention to themselves like bad boys so they aren't going to be noticed this way either. If you are at club the "bad" boys are going to be hitting on girls left and right, bumping and grinding, and feeling them up. The "nice" guys will be the ones that will dance with them but won't be all over them and speaking from experience the girls go with the "bad" boys on this score.

OK let's take a quick look then at why the "bad" boys behave the way they do versus the way "nice" guys (for the sake of convenience BB will be "bad" boys and NG "nice" guys). The BBs tend to be the good-looking jocks with egos that could fill a stadium. They really could care less about the girl or a relationship as long as they can score. This means that they will be all over a lot of different in a short amount of time. They will also be more outrageous and outgoing because they don't care about starting a relationship so they have nothing to lose. The NGs on the other hand are most likely shy and reserved gentlemen. They tend to be the intelligent ones who always got picked on at school and don't have enough self-confidence to fill a balloon. The NG has two major handicaps that the BBs don't have to worry about. First off, NGs generally have low self-confidence to begin with so a rejection or even the fear of rejection can often be enough to keep him from doing anything. Secondly, a NG isn't looking for a one-night-stand. He's not out cruising for chicks just so that he can get lucky. A NG is looking for a lasting relationship. Something that means something and that is a lot harder to find than a willing girl.

I think that covers most of the main differences between BBs and NGs. Now we get to the personal stuff. I am an eighteen-year-old boy who: has never been very popular/outgoing, went to an all boys high school, is a "brain"(honor roll and all that stuff), has always been a "good" boy (I went drinking for the first time this past week!), and I'm a NG. What it basically boils down to is I don't know jack shit about girls and I'm to shy/nice of a guy to just go out cruising.

I We all make our own choices though and I am sick and tired of getting the short end of the stick so I'm starting to do something about it. The problem is that I'm at a loss as to what I should do. By the accounts that I have been given by different girls that are friends of mine I should have girls lining up around the block to meet me. I'm intelligent and moderately good-looking. I can cook, bake, give great massages, love to talk/listen, like to dance, enjoys a well-done "chick" flick, and I write poetry (yes, mostly love). For those of you out there who are thinking it no I am not gay. Most of my best friends are or have been girls and most of the time the friendship started because I was attracted to them. But none of these friendships have grown to be more than that. I'm not saying that I'm only friends with these girls because they are attractive. I'm not the superficial and shallow. Most of these friendships become something that I truly value and they become something of a foundation in the rest of my life.

Well since I'm up the creek without a paddle should I abandon the boat all together? Should I become one of the BBs and content my self with just scoring? I don't think I will do this even it is the most immediately gratifying answer and the easiest. So on behalf of all NGs everywhere I entreat you, I beg you, take a close look at the people around you, at the guys you meet. Try and look past the exterior and the first impression to see what a man is really made out of.

Pickup lines: How YOU Doin'?

A man walks into a bar. He looks at the voluptuous blonde seated next to him and asks innocently, "Why don't you sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?" She giggles delightedly, and they go home together.
Yeah, that might happen.

Pickup lines can be one of the cheesiest elements of the American social scene. Skanky men approach tube-topped nightclub sluts and ask them if their father stole the stars out of the sky or if they are an angel fallen from heaven. In maybe one out of a thousand cases, the woman actually takes the bait and offers a dance — or maybe more. But more often than not, super-obvious lines just don't work.

"Pick-up lines are a big turnoff," says Sarah Tierney, a junior at the George Washington University. "Guys say stuff like 'What's your name? Can I take a shower with you?' It's so gross. The worst part is that you know he's tried that same line on half the girls in the place."

"Why do people think that pick-up lines are sexy?" asks Elizabeth Hoeffner, a senior at Dartmouth College. "Guys use these gross, worn out lines."

Guys aren't the only ones on the lookout for a mate, however; women often approach guys in the hope of kindling a quick romance, or maybe just for some flirting entertainment. Women twirl their hair and reveal some leg then offer subtle, innocuous questions like, "Do you come here often?" or "Didn't I see you once in a college soccer game?" to lure men in.

Forth Bagley, a junior at Yale University, says girls use more subtle techniques to express interest. "The other day a girl in my apartment building knocked on the door, and when I answered she giggled at me and asked if I had a Bruce Springsteen CD she could borrow. It was kind of lame."

There are a few distinct types of pick-up lines. The outrageously forward ("Nice shoes, wanna fuck?") works in some cases, whereas a more clever line ("Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?") gets a laugh and may make you look mildly sweet. Sometimes a bizarre comment works best, like "You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear." Then there are disgustingly graphic lines best suited for the extremely drunk: "You have over 200 bones in your body. Want another?"

"A line I like to use," says Chris Hawkins of California State University, Chico, "is 'Would you like to see my pickle?' It could mean a multitude of shit, but it breaks the ice, and loosens girls up. Most chicks are intimidated by the penis, so by talking about it up front, it seems to relax them, and let the conversation begin."

Of course, not all pick-up lines have to be obvious. An innocent query often does the trick, like "Hey, can I join you?" or "Have you tried the margaritas here?" More forward types can "accidentally" bump into someone, and "inadvertently" grab a part of his or her body to keep from falling — but this could get you slapped or sued if you grab the wrong part. Be careful, and make sure that a biker resembling The Rock isn't also pursing the target of your affections.

Toni Konkoly, a junior at Macalester College, bartends during the summer and hears more than her share of drunken pickup lines. "People who seriously try to use pickup lines are definitely major losers," she says. The worst lines she's ever heard are "Do you come here often?" and "Wanna get a six-pack and fuck?" She says that when lines fail, guys often try to send drinks to women; the girls like the drinks, but the ploy rarely succeeds.

She also finds that guys ask about her eyebrow ring, like if it hurts or if she has any other piercings. They then proceed to tell her how sexy the piercing is, as if that is going to arouse her. Konkoly says that guys usually use pick-up lines as a lead-in to asking for a phone number or name — or making a move.

Nobody admits to using pick-up lines, but everyone's guilty of trying them at some point. Whether they're subtle or comically blatant, at least they make for good stories. So the next time someone says to you, "Hey, what's your sign?" don't get annoyed. Instead, tell 'em, "It's a stop sign, and you better slow down."