Monday, March 24, 2008

Beyond Sex: Why Would a Woman Want To Come Back For More

Please accept my congratulations on getting your rocks off. Now that you've taken care of that little problem, suddenly you remember that you have important business to transact elsewhere. So you are ready to put your pants back on and head outside. But SHE WANTS TO CUDDLE! Bummer...

Here comes another crucial moment when you really can make a mess of things. On the other hand, if you play your cards right, you can more than make up for any horizontal under-performance on your part. Truth is, for many women the post-coital cuddling is the best part of the whole sexual experience. To understand why this is so, please consider why the woman wants to be with you in the first place. You may think it is your big this and that which makes you so irresistible.

Sorry to burst your bubble, pal, but most women (as well as men) have figured out a way to satisfy their physical needs on their own. A woman doesn't REALLY need a guy to get off. She can probably get herself off much better and much more reliably than any guy ever could. After all, she knows her own body much better than the guy, having spent a lot more time with it. What they want to get from a guy is a sense of appreciation, caring, support, protection, and being cherished. All of these things (called "emotional needs" in woman speak) are more than a mere dildo can deliver. In other words, she needs to feel that you cherish her, both in and out of bed.

Relationships with guys are very important to women because they measure themselves by their ability to maintain a quality relationship with a quality guy... Relationships with guys are their source of self-esteem and self-worth. A woman needs to be able to attract attractive guys. This is how women earn their status in the world of women. No money in the world or professional achievement can substitute for that.

If a woman doesn't have a boyfriend, or the boyfriend that she has is an unattractive nerdy uncaring bald guy with a ponytail who generally sucks, she feels like a completely worthless person, she gets depressed, she cries into her pillow, she is going around asking herself "What's wrong with me?" But if she gets a prize boyfriend or husband, her self-esteem is off the scale! All this is very difficult for a guy to grasp. For you, a girlfriend is something that is "nice to have", but she certainly is nowhere as important as maintaining your Web site! If you don't have a girlfriend, do you cry into your pillow? And let me ask a rhetorical question here, if you were given a choice between a girlfriend and a latest notebook, what would you choose? I know what I would choose...

So your job is to continuously show her that she is desirable and attractive. You accomplish this by sleeping with her, by telling her how attractive she is, by showering her with compliments and/or attention, by being seen together with her by other women who turn "green with envy"... You are a combination status symbol/ therapist/motivational coach, and yes, also a sex toy. I almost forgot that last one.

There is even a theory out there that what a woman looks for in a guy is an image of her own father, the Father-Daughter relationship being so important to a girl during her formative years, blah blah blah... If that relationship wasn't working, she is likely to grow up into another one of those needy insecure and pathetic women with low self-esteem. In other words, she is looking at you and hopes to find the father that was, or maybe meet the Dad that never existed. For instance, if the woman's Dad just wasn't there, or was emotionally absent as she was growing up, she may spend the rest of her life sleeping with older guys, old enough to be her Dad. Sounds like incest to me...

Anyway, it may really help the situation if you THINK FATHER. Kind of like caring, but also strong, willing to listen, but also ready to show who is the boss if she gets out of line... Then you'll begin to fulfill those mysterious feminine "emotional needs". On the other hand, if the woman feels you forgot all about her even before your sperm hit the walls of her vagina, and she is left there like a discarded Kleenex, she'll feel insulted. Talk about a rude awakening. So go ahead, cuddle away. I know cuddling after sex is a royal pain, but if you do it you will still be considered the greatest lover in the world, whatever your physical attributes (or lack thereof).

And if you still absolutely cannot stand it, here is a tip for you: after the act, say something like "I'm thirsty, would you like something to drink too?" This tactic, number one, gets you out of bed, and number two, it shows you as a nice CARING guy! Maybe even find out what her favorite drink is beforehand. If you perform a woman's wish without her even having to ask, it is such a turn-on for her!

So go ahead, be caring. Show an interest in her problems. If you can't do interest, at least be curious. Call often. But not TOO often. I know I probably already have you confused, but nothing kills romance like too much familiarity. So how close you will eventually get is something you definitely should think about and try to control.

Stay too cold and aloof, and she'll go to someone better equipped to fulfill her "emotional needs". Get too close, and you'll become more like a good old friend to her than a hot lover boy. Then she'll go and find someone more mysterious and therefore more interesting and romantic. So it's always a balancing act, and how much is too much is a judgment call. But don't worry, you'll get the hang of it.

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