- Act fast - the first rule out there is whenever you see a beautiful girl that catches your eye, act immediately within a few seconds. You will be forgiven for doing something stupid, saything something stupid or saying nothing special, but your chances drop to zero if you do nothing, stand back and stare at her from time to time, and undecisevely approach her later.
- Talk to girls - the best way to date girls is to initiate conversations with girls whenever possible. Talk to them even if you are not specifically trying to pitch them, just be an attractive person to talk to and you'll feel extremely comfortable being with a girl. Being confident pays big time because women don't like wimps, they look for men who are ready to provide and confidence signals that.
- Art of talking - you spend 90% of time together with a girl talking, so your conversational skills are important. The art of seduction teaches that the most important thing to lay a girl is, first, to get her thinking about something good, about positive feelings, her positive experiences and achievements, and later to drive the conversation to get her thinking about sex.
- Keywords - some claim the best way to make a woman hot with talk is to scatter your language with sexual keywords, even if the talk is not about sex. Play with positive and sexual words like "great, best, top, good, together, us, connection, ride, inside, enter, penetrate".
- Thoughts - a woman will want sex if she has been thinking sexual thoughts. That can be used or misused. But the idea is if you have established good contact with a woman or simply want to make your girlfriend hot and horny, you have to make her start thinking about sex. Don't get me wrong she will love it, as sex following the state of arousal is much greater for women as compared to sex without arousal. You can be sure of one thing - if you tell a woman dirty jokes, tell her some sex stories, or watch together sex video and she is still there with you not breaking the contact, then she is thinking about sex and chances are she is pretty wet, admitting it or not.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
How to seduce a woman, make her horny?
There are quite a few comprehensive rule books out there about seducing women. In the real life it is never as easy, but here are some of the best ideas that I think are worth noting:
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Q & A: How to Use Mystery to Attract a Woman
Q. I have the hots for this girl I’ve known for about a year. We have spent time together and I know she feels the same.
My problem is, I’m separated from my wife and it's putting her off. I need to know how to make her jealous without making it obvious and also how to eventually win her heart.
Maybe she feels I’m not to be trusted cause I’ve cheated on girls before. I know she feels the same but I don’t want to make a fool of myself. Thanks...
A. Hello,
Well, you could get back with the ex and have the best sex of your life – that’d make her jealous! No, I think there’s a better way.
I think you really want to do two things:
1) Make her jealous; and,
2) Change her mind about you, your ex and your past.
If you just go out and start banging a bunch of women and make it obvious, she's going to think you're a player, which will just put her off even further.
On the other hand, if you just seem to be busy - and aren't around when she calls or wants to talk, her feminine mind will start working and you'll have the power you're looking for. So, do this:
1) Be scarce. Don't answer the phone, and take at least a few days to call her back.
2) Never answer the phone, or make return calls to her on the weekends - after all, you're busy, right?
3) Always cut any conversation with her short by saying, "Oh, sorry - I have to run. I'll call you later... bye." [click!]
4) Talk about the great time you had with a "friend" the other night. Don't specify the sex of this "friend".
5) When you are out with her, have fun! Make your time with her something to remember – but don’t hesitate to flirt a little with other women too. Bring them in and make the part of the party!
Finally, for God's sake - don't talk about your wife with this woman other than to say how much you’re over her! Every time you bring her up in a positive vein, you're just confirming her greatest fear - that she's still in the picture. No woman wants to have to compete with that!
My problem is, I’m separated from my wife and it's putting her off. I need to know how to make her jealous without making it obvious and also how to eventually win her heart.
Maybe she feels I’m not to be trusted cause I’ve cheated on girls before. I know she feels the same but I don’t want to make a fool of myself. Thanks...
A. Hello,
Well, you could get back with the ex and have the best sex of your life – that’d make her jealous! No, I think there’s a better way.
I think you really want to do two things:
1) Make her jealous; and,
2) Change her mind about you, your ex and your past.
If you just go out and start banging a bunch of women and make it obvious, she's going to think you're a player, which will just put her off even further.
On the other hand, if you just seem to be busy - and aren't around when she calls or wants to talk, her feminine mind will start working and you'll have the power you're looking for. So, do this:
1) Be scarce. Don't answer the phone, and take at least a few days to call her back.
2) Never answer the phone, or make return calls to her on the weekends - after all, you're busy, right?
3) Always cut any conversation with her short by saying, "Oh, sorry - I have to run. I'll call you later... bye." [click!]
4) Talk about the great time you had with a "friend" the other night. Don't specify the sex of this "friend".
5) When you are out with her, have fun! Make your time with her something to remember – but don’t hesitate to flirt a little with other women too. Bring them in and make the part of the party!
Finally, for God's sake - don't talk about your wife with this woman other than to say how much you’re over her! Every time you bring her up in a positive vein, you're just confirming her greatest fear - that she's still in the picture. No woman wants to have to compete with that!
Q & A: How To Handle A “Dry Spell”
Q. I seem to have hit a recent dry-spell with women. Every woman I keep running into is already "involved" with someone else, have messed up lives, or something is mentally wrong with them! For a while I'll have plenty of women to choose from, then all of a sudden, the well runs dry! The old ones start boring me, and the new ones are basically fucked up! Is this common?
Is it really a numbers game like they say? I'd like to get back on the right track as quick as possible!
Thanks Doc!
A. Hello,
This is actually quite common. You're going to have the feast/famine scenario pretty regularly, but that's not a bad thing - if you make use of the feast side of things and plan for the famine.
The trick is to gather numbers when the gettin' is good, and to harvest those numbers when things get slim. Remember that you want to space things out a little bit so that you’re not calling women back before a week anyway. If you play things right, you can actually make contact with them and put them back another 2 weeks, make contact again, etc. You can only do this about 3-4 times before she’s going to go crazy wondering if you’re ever going to actually meet her however!
Further, yes - you're going to find that many women you meet are either crazy, demanding, game-playing, claim to already be hooked up, (even though they just spent the last 40 minutes flirting with you), or just down-right bitches! This is just the rule of the game. You won't know these things until after you call them back, so be ready. These are the hazards...
Is it really a numbers game like they say? I'd like to get back on the right track as quick as possible!
Thanks Doc!
A. Hello,
This is actually quite common. You're going to have the feast/famine scenario pretty regularly, but that's not a bad thing - if you make use of the feast side of things and plan for the famine.
The trick is to gather numbers when the gettin' is good, and to harvest those numbers when things get slim. Remember that you want to space things out a little bit so that you’re not calling women back before a week anyway. If you play things right, you can actually make contact with them and put them back another 2 weeks, make contact again, etc. You can only do this about 3-4 times before she’s going to go crazy wondering if you’re ever going to actually meet her however!
Further, yes - you're going to find that many women you meet are either crazy, demanding, game-playing, claim to already be hooked up, (even though they just spent the last 40 minutes flirting with you), or just down-right bitches! This is just the rule of the game. You won't know these things until after you call them back, so be ready. These are the hazards...
Q & A: Will we ever be the same again?
Q. "I wanted to share my story with you all and get some feedback.
I have been dating this girl since the end of May, everything was great we have fun we laugh and we have a lot of intimate times together, not always sex but very enjoyable. About two weeks ago her ex came into town and she went to go hang out with him two nights in a row, she said she had some issues to clear up with him. Well the weekend passed he left but our level of intimacy has gone from 10 to a 1.
We spoke about what happened and she said that she was no longer in love with him and she now sees that they could not be together. They are just friends, she said that nothing happened. Ever since then we haven't even kissed for more than 30 seconds.
This past weekend I did something that I never do I asked her to come back to my place to be intimate, she said maybe and the night ended up me taking her home and thats it. I have tried to get close to her without any luck. I dont want to seem like a a-hole guy and say something stupid. So can you please help me? I need some advice."
A. "Whew! That was close, dude! I'm glad you sought out help before you wallowed too long in this unhealthy pool of delusion. Okay, here's the Bottom Line: It sounds like she got together with him again (slept with him, had sex, the Horizontal Bop) and now she's regretting it. Hence, her comment about them not being able to "be together." She's saying that the loving was good, but the drama was too much, even for her. (Yeah, I know she said "nothing happened", but if you believe that, I've got some quality real estate to sell you.)
Time for a little tough-love. (But you came here because you are strong, smart, and willing to change, right?) So here it is:
You are her rebound. For you to make it through this, you will have to be ten times as challenging to her so that you will overcome her attachment to the previous guy. HOWEVER, the reality is that you can hold NO hopes of actually raising the intimacy back up to the "10" it once was. Why? Because her "10" interest in you was only created by her romantic female desire for a new Prince Charming to come fill in the void left by the old guy.
The Total Bottom line: If she's gone from a 10 to a 1, she's telling you that you need to be moving on. She's (unwittingly) stringing you along because you're her convenient new puppy to help her get over the last big dog. (Two kinds of love for women: Doberman she has sex with and stays with, and the sad little Beagle she walks around the block -- until the next Doberman shows up.)
Here's the unhappy pattern that will be set in motion. See if it sounds familiar: Her unavailability (i.e., CHALLENGE) will stimulate your nervous system to chase her. She will then sense your clinging and desperation, and she'll pull even further away, leaving you to panic and chase her even faster, as she runs even faster from you ...
And the downward spiral has begun. And we know where it always ends, don't we?
This is harsh, but it's a wet slap of reality that you'll thank me for later: Drop her, NOW. If not sooner. It's the only way you'll stand a chance. The only sure-fire cure for this kind of rebound dementia is to get out there and DATE OTHER WOMEN.
Don't be a Sad Little Beagle (AKA: Masturbates Alone) who sits around with her as she weeps through another viewing of 'Fried Green Tomatoes' or 'Thelma and Louise.' If you're not her intimate sex-buddy, you're just a friend. And in the process you're killing your self-confidence and posture.
Bang.
Dead.
If you want to turn the tables (and you'll have to in order to get this woman's head turned back to you) then you'll have to give her a little Doberman action. Ask yourself what you would do if you had lost interest in this gal. You would probably first drastically reduce your availability to her. If she calls, you are just on your way out and you'll call her back. If you are making a date with her (or already have), make it then break it. With no explanation. And, finally, you need to show her a bit of unpredictability. Keep her guessing, about what you're doing and with whom you are doing it. The less she knows, the more mysterious you are in her eyes, and this will engage her attraction.
Most guys would hesitate to use such tactics because they feel that it is mistreating her. Not so! You are only demonstrating to her that she is not your focus (and you are not her tool), and this is absolutely necessary for you to exert your independence and earn her respect.
Here's your love meditation for the week: When a woman gets out of the pool, she's looking for the closest towel. But ask yourself, what happens when she's dry?"
I have been dating this girl since the end of May, everything was great we have fun we laugh and we have a lot of intimate times together, not always sex but very enjoyable. About two weeks ago her ex came into town and she went to go hang out with him two nights in a row, she said she had some issues to clear up with him. Well the weekend passed he left but our level of intimacy has gone from 10 to a 1.
We spoke about what happened and she said that she was no longer in love with him and she now sees that they could not be together. They are just friends, she said that nothing happened. Ever since then we haven't even kissed for more than 30 seconds.
This past weekend I did something that I never do I asked her to come back to my place to be intimate, she said maybe and the night ended up me taking her home and thats it. I have tried to get close to her without any luck. I dont want to seem like a a-hole guy and say something stupid. So can you please help me? I need some advice."
A. "Whew! That was close, dude! I'm glad you sought out help before you wallowed too long in this unhealthy pool of delusion. Okay, here's the Bottom Line: It sounds like she got together with him again (slept with him, had sex, the Horizontal Bop) and now she's regretting it. Hence, her comment about them not being able to "be together." She's saying that the loving was good, but the drama was too much, even for her. (Yeah, I know she said "nothing happened", but if you believe that, I've got some quality real estate to sell you.)
Time for a little tough-love. (But you came here because you are strong, smart, and willing to change, right?) So here it is:
You are her rebound. For you to make it through this, you will have to be ten times as challenging to her so that you will overcome her attachment to the previous guy. HOWEVER, the reality is that you can hold NO hopes of actually raising the intimacy back up to the "10" it once was. Why? Because her "10" interest in you was only created by her romantic female desire for a new Prince Charming to come fill in the void left by the old guy.
The Total Bottom line: If she's gone from a 10 to a 1, she's telling you that you need to be moving on. She's (unwittingly) stringing you along because you're her convenient new puppy to help her get over the last big dog. (Two kinds of love for women: Doberman she has sex with and stays with, and the sad little Beagle she walks around the block -- until the next Doberman shows up.)
Here's the unhappy pattern that will be set in motion. See if it sounds familiar: Her unavailability (i.e., CHALLENGE) will stimulate your nervous system to chase her. She will then sense your clinging and desperation, and she'll pull even further away, leaving you to panic and chase her even faster, as she runs even faster from you ...
And the downward spiral has begun. And we know where it always ends, don't we?
This is harsh, but it's a wet slap of reality that you'll thank me for later: Drop her, NOW. If not sooner. It's the only way you'll stand a chance. The only sure-fire cure for this kind of rebound dementia is to get out there and DATE OTHER WOMEN.
Don't be a Sad Little Beagle (AKA: Masturbates Alone) who sits around with her as she weeps through another viewing of 'Fried Green Tomatoes' or 'Thelma and Louise.' If you're not her intimate sex-buddy, you're just a friend. And in the process you're killing your self-confidence and posture.
Bang.
Dead.
If you want to turn the tables (and you'll have to in order to get this woman's head turned back to you) then you'll have to give her a little Doberman action. Ask yourself what you would do if you had lost interest in this gal. You would probably first drastically reduce your availability to her. If she calls, you are just on your way out and you'll call her back. If you are making a date with her (or already have), make it then break it. With no explanation. And, finally, you need to show her a bit of unpredictability. Keep her guessing, about what you're doing and with whom you are doing it. The less she knows, the more mysterious you are in her eyes, and this will engage her attraction.
Most guys would hesitate to use such tactics because they feel that it is mistreating her. Not so! You are only demonstrating to her that she is not your focus (and you are not her tool), and this is absolutely necessary for you to exert your independence and earn her respect.
Here's your love meditation for the week: When a woman gets out of the pool, she's looking for the closest towel. But ask yourself, what happens when she's dry?"
Q & A: Working Women From The Inside
Q. I have this friend whom I have deep feelings for, I told on how feel about her and she told me we are better as friends because she is involved with someone.
When I ask her if there is a possibility for us to be together, she said yes. We spend a lot of time together at my place talking about all kinds of different things, like for instance she will tell me all about her boyfriend and how possessive he is.
I do think about making a move on her, but I am scared I will destroy our friendship and I just couldn't take that. Even if I can make a move I do not know how to do it.
Could you please give me some advice on how to go about getting her into bed and if it is a good idea for me to make a move in the first place? She doesn't spend much time with her so-called boyfriend because she is either with me or at work. She may just be pulling my leg about all this boyfriend thing.
Please help me out!
A. It looks like she's got you by the short-curly hairs!
You see, she holds all the cards and controls everything. Further, she is getting everything SHE wants from your relationship. Because you're scared of losing her as a friend (or whatever!), you are just willing to take what she gives you.
My brother - this is no way to live! If you are satisfied with this, then you don't need my advice. If you're not satisfied with it, they you have to be willing to lose her friendship in order to get what YOU want. After all, if she isn't willing to go where you want - what is she really doing in your life in the first place, other than keeping you from meeting "Ms. Right"?
So, here's what you have to do. First, stop being her friend! That's right! You see, women organize men into two categories: boyfriend material and everyone else. Making the transition from one to the other is very, very difficult, but it can be done.
The first step is to stop treating her like your friend! Consider this - women don't make good friends for guys. Why not? For exactly the reasons you've already found. She comes to you when her boyfriend isn't around and talks to you about him! When she needs something, she goes to you; not him. If she wants to borrow money, it's you again, etc.
Many men make this same mistake - they think they can "work it from the inside". That is, they can build a relationship up from being a friend to something else. Chad - it can't be done. You've got to get over this!
Ok, so what do you do? First, you've got to get scarce - and do it abruptly. Stop returning her calls immediately (if she even calls you!) and get yourself busy doing anything and everything else! Especially, don't be around on weekends. If she calls, let it go to the answering machine - that's what it's for. You can return your friend's calls immediately if you want to, but let her wait a few days.
When you do call her, (in a few weeks), ask her out for dinner or a drink. Now, here's the important part: act like it's a date! Forget you were friends and start ACTING like a boyfriend. When she questions this, just tell her that YOU are ready to move on to something more mature.
When I ask her if there is a possibility for us to be together, she said yes. We spend a lot of time together at my place talking about all kinds of different things, like for instance she will tell me all about her boyfriend and how possessive he is.
I do think about making a move on her, but I am scared I will destroy our friendship and I just couldn't take that. Even if I can make a move I do not know how to do it.
Could you please give me some advice on how to go about getting her into bed and if it is a good idea for me to make a move in the first place? She doesn't spend much time with her so-called boyfriend because she is either with me or at work. She may just be pulling my leg about all this boyfriend thing.
Please help me out!
A. It looks like she's got you by the short-curly hairs!
You see, she holds all the cards and controls everything. Further, she is getting everything SHE wants from your relationship. Because you're scared of losing her as a friend (or whatever!), you are just willing to take what she gives you.
My brother - this is no way to live! If you are satisfied with this, then you don't need my advice. If you're not satisfied with it, they you have to be willing to lose her friendship in order to get what YOU want. After all, if she isn't willing to go where you want - what is she really doing in your life in the first place, other than keeping you from meeting "Ms. Right"?
So, here's what you have to do. First, stop being her friend! That's right! You see, women organize men into two categories: boyfriend material and everyone else. Making the transition from one to the other is very, very difficult, but it can be done.
The first step is to stop treating her like your friend! Consider this - women don't make good friends for guys. Why not? For exactly the reasons you've already found. She comes to you when her boyfriend isn't around and talks to you about him! When she needs something, she goes to you; not him. If she wants to borrow money, it's you again, etc.
Many men make this same mistake - they think they can "work it from the inside". That is, they can build a relationship up from being a friend to something else. Chad - it can't be done. You've got to get over this!
Ok, so what do you do? First, you've got to get scarce - and do it abruptly. Stop returning her calls immediately (if she even calls you!) and get yourself busy doing anything and everything else! Especially, don't be around on weekends. If she calls, let it go to the answering machine - that's what it's for. You can return your friend's calls immediately if you want to, but let her wait a few days.
When you do call her, (in a few weeks), ask her out for dinner or a drink. Now, here's the important part: act like it's a date! Forget you were friends and start ACTING like a boyfriend. When she questions this, just tell her that YOU are ready to move on to something more mature.
Q & A: How to Make a Woman Bow Down to You
Q. Here's the situation, Doc: She seems nice and sweet. She is also a bit of a smart-ass, which I like. She's always "subtly" hanging around me and talking to me, smiling, taking peeks at me. She'd always ask me how my day is going, laugh at my jokes, do things for me...You know..."nice"!
The funny thing is that so far I hadn’t met ANY resistance with her...none. Talking to her...no problem. Got her number...that was easy. Setting the date up...easy! No problems! Now on the "date"...there WAS a problem! Maybe you can figure out the problem because I'm lost!
You see, I didn’t frame it as a "date" but rather I set up a "get together". I always do that. She was there on time where we were to meet which was the mall and we did some shopping. When we first met my original plan was to go to this place that has an arcade, a bowling alley, ice-skating, and put-put golf. It sounded like fun to me! But she said she wanted to stay at the mall and that was fine because that was my second option. Plus she bought some things while she was there. So I had two possible plans in place.
We shared a few laughs and there was some kino going on. Not a whole lot but enough to keep it interesting. We talked a lot (well, I let her do most of the talking) and everything was going smooth until...
Her dreaded cell phone rang and it was some guy that asked her to meet her somewhere! She NEVER said anything about having a boyfriend and I felt it'd be AFC-ish if I asked if it was! So, I didn’t ask. In fact when the phone rang I told her "Tell them you're busy!" I think cell phones on a date are rude anyhow! Oh, but it wasn’t a "date" it was a "get-together!" Hmm. Whatever it was I still thought it'd be rude if she talked more than a minute.
Anyhow, she made it quick like I told her to and then when the phone rang again; she didn’t answer it that time! So, I'm thinking that’s just how I wanted it.
Now, the issue was that she was about to blow the other guy off but then she changed her mind and decided to meet this guy. I really didn’t understand what was going on there. It was shortly afterwards that I decided to leave. The thing is that she didn’t SEEM as if she wanted to go. She was thinking of making up an excuse to tell him but...she went anyhow! What could be going on here?
She was hesitant to go but...I don’t know.
I dare not ask her the story about this other guy...I don’t care but I don’t want to be wasting my time with her either. What to do? It could have been just a friend or something more. I have no idea! All I know is that she's known him awhile much longer than she's known me. Anyhow, when she decided to go meet that guy, I excused myself shortly after. I'll see her again, however.
Like I said prior to this, she's always trying to hang around me and talk to me and she gave me her digits and we met up right after that. And she's never given me any resistance whether it be touching her or talking to her or getting her number or setting up the meeting. But, could this have been some form of test? Is she just being nice and friendly or is she REALLY interested?
What you think? Should I invite her out again later or move on?
Thanks Doc!
A. Hello,
It sounds like everything went very well right up to the phone call. You had good communication working and even were getting signs of a high level of interest from her. By calling your meeting something other than a date, (a "get-together"), you took off the pressure. When the phone call came through, you even told her what you expected, and she ended the call early. Even using the line, "...it's rude on a date..." actually worked to your benefit. Everything so far is great.
Now comes the problem.
She told you that she wasn't sure about whether to see this guy or not. What she was doing was to give you a mini-challenge. She wanted you to decide for her that she should spend more time with you. That's why she was vacillating back and forth about whether to go or not!
Unfortunately, you let her make the decision for herself. In effect she was saying, "Am I important enough for you to stand up and tell me to forget meeting him, or do you not care?" By letting her decide what she was going to do, not only did you miss a golden opportunity, you also told her, in effect that she was in control here, not you...
Consider this: when you're on a date, (or a "get-together") with a woman, she's on YOUR time. You've planned everything and blocked off your schedule to spend with her. She owes you the time she committed to with you.
By letting her decide how she was going to use "your time", she also learned that it wasn't you that was in control! Of course, you WANT to be the guy in control!
Here's another way to have handled this: when she began wondering what she was going to do, you should have said, "Look, if you want to rush off and see him, go ahead. It's very rude however, and I won't waste my time with rude people. You've already taken one phone call, but the choice is yours." Then, I would have turned and continued walking down the mall.
There's a number of subtle things going on here. First, you haven't taken the decision away from her - it's still hers to make. However, you've outlined the potential consequences of making the wrong choice - that you won't see her again!
The second thing is that you've told her that your time is valuable, (remember that from the book?), and that you don't appreciate it wasted. The third thing is, that by walking away, she has to follow you! Isn't that really what you want anyway – her to chase you?
So, now the question is whether you can salvage this situation or not. I believe you can, but you have to be clever about it. To do this, start seeing what this situation really is. She "chose" this other guy over you, even if she did so reluctantly! You don't have to lie down and like that.
So, the next time you can see her, why not bust her on it? Just say something like this, "Hey, you know, it was fun seeing you in the mall the other day, but I didn't appreciate you breaking off the date [get-together, or whatever] early. How are you going to make it up to me?"
Then, get very quiet. Don't say another thing until she tells you how she's going to "make up" for her bad behavior! You'll have to establish a minimum level of penance in your own mind, and if she doesn't meet it, just say, "Ok, and then what?"
The bottom line here is that women want you to have some direction in your life, and your relationships. They want to chase you, not the other way around, and if you keep that firmly in your mind, you can lead your relationships anywhere you want them to go.
The funny thing is that so far I hadn’t met ANY resistance with her...none. Talking to her...no problem. Got her number...that was easy. Setting the date up...easy! No problems! Now on the "date"...there WAS a problem! Maybe you can figure out the problem because I'm lost!
You see, I didn’t frame it as a "date" but rather I set up a "get together". I always do that. She was there on time where we were to meet which was the mall and we did some shopping. When we first met my original plan was to go to this place that has an arcade, a bowling alley, ice-skating, and put-put golf. It sounded like fun to me! But she said she wanted to stay at the mall and that was fine because that was my second option. Plus she bought some things while she was there. So I had two possible plans in place.
We shared a few laughs and there was some kino going on. Not a whole lot but enough to keep it interesting. We talked a lot (well, I let her do most of the talking) and everything was going smooth until...
Her dreaded cell phone rang and it was some guy that asked her to meet her somewhere! She NEVER said anything about having a boyfriend and I felt it'd be AFC-ish if I asked if it was! So, I didn’t ask. In fact when the phone rang I told her "Tell them you're busy!" I think cell phones on a date are rude anyhow! Oh, but it wasn’t a "date" it was a "get-together!" Hmm. Whatever it was I still thought it'd be rude if she talked more than a minute.
Anyhow, she made it quick like I told her to and then when the phone rang again; she didn’t answer it that time! So, I'm thinking that’s just how I wanted it.
Now, the issue was that she was about to blow the other guy off but then she changed her mind and decided to meet this guy. I really didn’t understand what was going on there. It was shortly afterwards that I decided to leave. The thing is that she didn’t SEEM as if she wanted to go. She was thinking of making up an excuse to tell him but...she went anyhow! What could be going on here?
She was hesitant to go but...I don’t know.
I dare not ask her the story about this other guy...I don’t care but I don’t want to be wasting my time with her either. What to do? It could have been just a friend or something more. I have no idea! All I know is that she's known him awhile much longer than she's known me. Anyhow, when she decided to go meet that guy, I excused myself shortly after. I'll see her again, however.
Like I said prior to this, she's always trying to hang around me and talk to me and she gave me her digits and we met up right after that. And she's never given me any resistance whether it be touching her or talking to her or getting her number or setting up the meeting. But, could this have been some form of test? Is she just being nice and friendly or is she REALLY interested?
What you think? Should I invite her out again later or move on?
Thanks Doc!
A. Hello,
It sounds like everything went very well right up to the phone call. You had good communication working and even were getting signs of a high level of interest from her. By calling your meeting something other than a date, (a "get-together"), you took off the pressure. When the phone call came through, you even told her what you expected, and she ended the call early. Even using the line, "...it's rude on a date..." actually worked to your benefit. Everything so far is great.
Now comes the problem.
She told you that she wasn't sure about whether to see this guy or not. What she was doing was to give you a mini-challenge. She wanted you to decide for her that she should spend more time with you. That's why she was vacillating back and forth about whether to go or not!
Unfortunately, you let her make the decision for herself. In effect she was saying, "Am I important enough for you to stand up and tell me to forget meeting him, or do you not care?" By letting her decide what she was going to do, not only did you miss a golden opportunity, you also told her, in effect that she was in control here, not you...
Consider this: when you're on a date, (or a "get-together") with a woman, she's on YOUR time. You've planned everything and blocked off your schedule to spend with her. She owes you the time she committed to with you.
By letting her decide how she was going to use "your time", she also learned that it wasn't you that was in control! Of course, you WANT to be the guy in control!
Here's another way to have handled this: when she began wondering what she was going to do, you should have said, "Look, if you want to rush off and see him, go ahead. It's very rude however, and I won't waste my time with rude people. You've already taken one phone call, but the choice is yours." Then, I would have turned and continued walking down the mall.
There's a number of subtle things going on here. First, you haven't taken the decision away from her - it's still hers to make. However, you've outlined the potential consequences of making the wrong choice - that you won't see her again!
The second thing is that you've told her that your time is valuable, (remember that from the book?), and that you don't appreciate it wasted. The third thing is, that by walking away, she has to follow you! Isn't that really what you want anyway – her to chase you?
So, now the question is whether you can salvage this situation or not. I believe you can, but you have to be clever about it. To do this, start seeing what this situation really is. She "chose" this other guy over you, even if she did so reluctantly! You don't have to lie down and like that.
So, the next time you can see her, why not bust her on it? Just say something like this, "Hey, you know, it was fun seeing you in the mall the other day, but I didn't appreciate you breaking off the date [get-together, or whatever] early. How are you going to make it up to me?"
Then, get very quiet. Don't say another thing until she tells you how she's going to "make up" for her bad behavior! You'll have to establish a minimum level of penance in your own mind, and if she doesn't meet it, just say, "Ok, and then what?"
The bottom line here is that women want you to have some direction in your life, and your relationships. They want to chase you, not the other way around, and if you keep that firmly in your mind, you can lead your relationships anywhere you want them to go.
Q & A: She Won't Have Sex When The Rules Change!
Q. I've been in a relationship with this one girl for a while. In the beginning, things were fun and sexual. But as time has progressed, things have taken a turn for the worse. It all started right around the time I met her. Boy, I should have watched for those warning signals more closely!
Right from the start, she said she was tired of men only wanting her for sex. I feel sex is an important part of the relationship, but she doesn’t think so. We were sexual before but now she says it's not important and she wants to wait until marriage before she has sex again. I have no intention on marrying her and this "no sex" deal is really putting a strain on this relationship and me. I can’t deal with it, Doc. It's important to me.
But if she even THINKS I'm talking to other women, she gets angry, hostile, and extremely jealous. I could be talking to my mother and she'll think it's another woman and she explodes like a ticking time bomb. It could be a female friend or a family friend and she gets furious. The insecurity and jealousy also has become a problem as well as her lack of trust and she admitted openly these have always been issues with her.
Another thing is that even before we were together, she didn’t like me talking to other women, when we were just dating! She didn’t like them near me, over my house, nothing! Also, as this relationship has progressed, she has become increasingly more demanding and trying to be controlling too. She gets mad when I miss her phone calls, she gets upset when I ignore her for any length of time (even if I'm busy running errands or with work) and this whole situation is pushing me closer and closer to the door. I confront her on her bad behavior every time and she'll simmer down for a while, then she gets started again. Her immaturity has shown it's ugly head! Things aren’t fun anymore and it's a constant power struggle and verbal fighting because she can’t grow up. It was a lot more fun in the beginning but that’s history. She is a good person and very pretty but I have to get out unless you see a way this can be saved.
I haven’t dated other women in awhile since I've been with her but that may be my only choice. I can’t deal with being in a sexless relationship, and her behavior has got out of control. What should I do? Find the door as quickly as I can or try to salvage this?
A. I fully agree with your point about NOT marrying her! Just consider this - you're in a sexless relationship now. How would you like to be stuck the rest of your life slaving away to satisfy her every whim; financial and otherwise, while being in a sexless marriage? Well, that's exactly where you're headed with your current path!
Here's the bottom line: sex IS important to any HEALTHY relationship. I don't care what anyone says. If they (including your girlfriend) think not, they are unhealthy themselves!
OF COURSE she doesn't want you talking to any other woman and is insanely jealous! If you ever found out the fact I just gave you, or found some other woman that WOULD enjoy sex like you do, she'd be alone. Talk about a controlling bitch! What the HELL are you doing with her anyway????
Here's what I would do in your situation:
I would tell her, “I respected your wish to not have sex. However, that isn't my wish, my choice or what I will devote my life to. Thus, I’m going to start dating and looking for a sexual partner IMMEDIATELY.” I'd still date her too (occasionally), but she'd have to understand that I was moving on and that my time for her would be reduced commensurate with your hunting time away from this "relationship". Further, you absolutely MUST NOT feel compelled to discuss your actions with her beyond this. She is entitled to only the part of your life that she earns - just as you are with hers.
I'd also absolutely demand that she DOES NOT date anyone else if she wants to continue to see me! That may seem unfair at first, but consider this: you're already making huge sacrifices in your life for her to choose her lifestyle! She owes you AT LEAST that loyalty back. If she can't do that, and won't have sex with you - bye-bye!!
My brother, don't just sit by and take this abuse, (and it IS abuse!) Just because the rules change doesn't mean that you have to continue playing the new game. You are allowed to have your own rules - and game - too!
Right from the start, she said she was tired of men only wanting her for sex. I feel sex is an important part of the relationship, but she doesn’t think so. We were sexual before but now she says it's not important and she wants to wait until marriage before she has sex again. I have no intention on marrying her and this "no sex" deal is really putting a strain on this relationship and me. I can’t deal with it, Doc. It's important to me.
But if she even THINKS I'm talking to other women, she gets angry, hostile, and extremely jealous. I could be talking to my mother and she'll think it's another woman and she explodes like a ticking time bomb. It could be a female friend or a family friend and she gets furious. The insecurity and jealousy also has become a problem as well as her lack of trust and she admitted openly these have always been issues with her.
Another thing is that even before we were together, she didn’t like me talking to other women, when we were just dating! She didn’t like them near me, over my house, nothing! Also, as this relationship has progressed, she has become increasingly more demanding and trying to be controlling too. She gets mad when I miss her phone calls, she gets upset when I ignore her for any length of time (even if I'm busy running errands or with work) and this whole situation is pushing me closer and closer to the door. I confront her on her bad behavior every time and she'll simmer down for a while, then she gets started again. Her immaturity has shown it's ugly head! Things aren’t fun anymore and it's a constant power struggle and verbal fighting because she can’t grow up. It was a lot more fun in the beginning but that’s history. She is a good person and very pretty but I have to get out unless you see a way this can be saved.
I haven’t dated other women in awhile since I've been with her but that may be my only choice. I can’t deal with being in a sexless relationship, and her behavior has got out of control. What should I do? Find the door as quickly as I can or try to salvage this?
A. I fully agree with your point about NOT marrying her! Just consider this - you're in a sexless relationship now. How would you like to be stuck the rest of your life slaving away to satisfy her every whim; financial and otherwise, while being in a sexless marriage? Well, that's exactly where you're headed with your current path!
Here's the bottom line: sex IS important to any HEALTHY relationship. I don't care what anyone says. If they (including your girlfriend) think not, they are unhealthy themselves!
OF COURSE she doesn't want you talking to any other woman and is insanely jealous! If you ever found out the fact I just gave you, or found some other woman that WOULD enjoy sex like you do, she'd be alone. Talk about a controlling bitch! What the HELL are you doing with her anyway????
Here's what I would do in your situation:
I would tell her, “I respected your wish to not have sex. However, that isn't my wish, my choice or what I will devote my life to. Thus, I’m going to start dating and looking for a sexual partner IMMEDIATELY.” I'd still date her too (occasionally), but she'd have to understand that I was moving on and that my time for her would be reduced commensurate with your hunting time away from this "relationship". Further, you absolutely MUST NOT feel compelled to discuss your actions with her beyond this. She is entitled to only the part of your life that she earns - just as you are with hers.
I'd also absolutely demand that she DOES NOT date anyone else if she wants to continue to see me! That may seem unfair at first, but consider this: you're already making huge sacrifices in your life for her to choose her lifestyle! She owes you AT LEAST that loyalty back. If she can't do that, and won't have sex with you - bye-bye!!
My brother, don't just sit by and take this abuse, (and it IS abuse!) Just because the rules change doesn't mean that you have to continue playing the new game. You are allowed to have your own rules - and game - too!
Q & A: Two Girls: Who to Choose?
Q. Hi, I'm sort of in a complicated situation and in need of some advice. There's this girl I'm really interested in (I'll call her Lisa), and I knew her for about 7 years (I'm 22), but we've just recently got close (4 months now) and are in the same circle of friends.About 2 months ago, it seemed like she was really interested in me, and we had a lot of nice chats, etc.But a few weeks ago, I think one of Lisa's close friend (Cindy) told her that she was interested in me. Now, being a nice/sorta shy girl, Lisa seems to be backing up and I feel she tries avoiding me sometimes.. while Cindy is starting to be a lot more friendly and tries to spend more time with me.
I'm the type of guy that sticks to one girl I like, and nearly ignore all other girls.. So I would still like to go for Lisa. Now her birthday is coming up in just a few weeks and im not sure if I should do something to give her a clear hint that im interested in her, or if I should hold back and see if anything will happen naturally over time. (sorta doubt this will happen 'cuz of the situation with Cindy). Lisa doesnt seem to show as much interest in me as before, while Cindy seems to try talking to me more often, as well as hanging out with me. Plus, I know they have "girl talks" with each other.. and Cindy tells everything while Lisa mostly listens.
I'm just not sure her birthday is an appropriate time to make my move since.. lately, Lisa hasn't been showing as much interest as before
Lastly, I'm sure there's at least one other guy that seems to be interested in Lisa.. but I dont think she wants to be anything more than friends with him.. I'm mentioning this just in case (sorta feel rushed, since I really like her and dont want to lose her to some other event that could happen).
please help, thanks.
A. Ah, two women to choose from. Hang on while I play a little sad violin for you....
Okay, now let me see if I can help you out of this dilemma ....
First of all, keep in mind that things don't just happen 'naturally.' If you want something to happen, you must be willing to take action. Things don't improve by default, they improve by design. So if you want something to happen with you and Lisa, you'll have to take a risk and make an advance. If she's interested, she'll respond. If she doesn't (no matter what reason you can invent for her not taking action) she is not REALLY interested. The bottom line is the result you get, and if she doesn't respond, you can blame her shyness, or whatever, but the reality is that you don't want a woman who can't act on her desires (any more than she would want a man who wouldn't act on his.)
Next, you sound like you're in a hurry. In fact, you mention you feel in a rush. Why? It's been 7 years. What's the hurry? If something were going to happen, a few more weeks wouldn't make a difference at this point.
Also, you state that you are "the type of guy that sticks to one girl I like, and nearly ignore all other girls." I don't know what your reason is for making this your identity, but I can only tell you that it will cause you much more pain in your dealings with women than it will help you.
1) Your single-minded focus will come across as smothering and obsessive on that one woman. (They can smell this a mile away, and it's a BIG turnoff.)
2) The confidence you exude when you date more than one woman will rub off, and you'll experience even more success with the ones you decide are a priority. Success breeds success.
3) Women may lead you to believe (by subtle comments and cultural stigma) that they don't want a man who dates many women. Nothing could be further from the truth. They are attracted to a man that is in demand. Now, if you settle into a regular relationship, they will want you to stick with just one. But that's your decision.
So, what advice do I have for you? In addition to the above, here's my recipe of action:
- Call up Lisa, ask her out to something short, sweet, and fun. At the end of the date, bust a move -- kiss her at the end. If she resists or balks, find out what her objections are. If they can be overcome, go on. If it's too complicated, then on to ...
- Call up Cindy. Same plan.
- Call up next girl. Same plan.
- Repeat until goal is reached.
It sounds like Lisa's interest is low -- probably because you two have been friends for so long, and she isn't going to jeopardize that -- and that you should set your sights on someone who is interested -- Cindy.
BIG POINT: And you might notice that Cindy is probably keeping a high interest level because you are NOT focusing all your energies on her. You're probably a little aloof and ignoring her -- and she responds to this. Lisa probably would, too. See how this works? This is why the ones you want always keep you at a distance while the ones you don't want are flocking in the wings.
The Bottom line? There are too many girls out there to get too hung up on one. Think of how foolish you'll feel in six months if you look back and see all the precious time you wasted on women who weren't interested. The time to act is now!
I'm the type of guy that sticks to one girl I like, and nearly ignore all other girls.. So I would still like to go for Lisa. Now her birthday is coming up in just a few weeks and im not sure if I should do something to give her a clear hint that im interested in her, or if I should hold back and see if anything will happen naturally over time. (sorta doubt this will happen 'cuz of the situation with Cindy). Lisa doesnt seem to show as much interest in me as before, while Cindy seems to try talking to me more often, as well as hanging out with me. Plus, I know they have "girl talks" with each other.. and Cindy tells everything while Lisa mostly listens.
I'm just not sure her birthday is an appropriate time to make my move since.. lately, Lisa hasn't been showing as much interest as before
Lastly, I'm sure there's at least one other guy that seems to be interested in Lisa.. but I dont think she wants to be anything more than friends with him.. I'm mentioning this just in case (sorta feel rushed, since I really like her and dont want to lose her to some other event that could happen).
please help, thanks.
A. Ah, two women to choose from. Hang on while I play a little sad violin for you....
Okay, now let me see if I can help you out of this dilemma ....
First of all, keep in mind that things don't just happen 'naturally.' If you want something to happen, you must be willing to take action. Things don't improve by default, they improve by design. So if you want something to happen with you and Lisa, you'll have to take a risk and make an advance. If she's interested, she'll respond. If she doesn't (no matter what reason you can invent for her not taking action) she is not REALLY interested. The bottom line is the result you get, and if she doesn't respond, you can blame her shyness, or whatever, but the reality is that you don't want a woman who can't act on her desires (any more than she would want a man who wouldn't act on his.)
Next, you sound like you're in a hurry. In fact, you mention you feel in a rush. Why? It's been 7 years. What's the hurry? If something were going to happen, a few more weeks wouldn't make a difference at this point.
Also, you state that you are "the type of guy that sticks to one girl I like, and nearly ignore all other girls." I don't know what your reason is for making this your identity, but I can only tell you that it will cause you much more pain in your dealings with women than it will help you.
1) Your single-minded focus will come across as smothering and obsessive on that one woman. (They can smell this a mile away, and it's a BIG turnoff.)
2) The confidence you exude when you date more than one woman will rub off, and you'll experience even more success with the ones you decide are a priority. Success breeds success.
3) Women may lead you to believe (by subtle comments and cultural stigma) that they don't want a man who dates many women. Nothing could be further from the truth. They are attracted to a man that is in demand. Now, if you settle into a regular relationship, they will want you to stick with just one. But that's your decision.
So, what advice do I have for you? In addition to the above, here's my recipe of action:
- Call up Lisa, ask her out to something short, sweet, and fun. At the end of the date, bust a move -- kiss her at the end. If she resists or balks, find out what her objections are. If they can be overcome, go on. If it's too complicated, then on to ...
- Call up Cindy. Same plan.
- Call up next girl. Same plan.
- Repeat until goal is reached.
It sounds like Lisa's interest is low -- probably because you two have been friends for so long, and she isn't going to jeopardize that -- and that you should set your sights on someone who is interested -- Cindy.
BIG POINT: And you might notice that Cindy is probably keeping a high interest level because you are NOT focusing all your energies on her. You're probably a little aloof and ignoring her -- and she responds to this. Lisa probably would, too. See how this works? This is why the ones you want always keep you at a distance while the ones you don't want are flocking in the wings.
The Bottom line? There are too many girls out there to get too hung up on one. Think of how foolish you'll feel in six months if you look back and see all the precious time you wasted on women who weren't interested. The time to act is now!
What to Look For When Choosing a How-To Book on Meeting and Attracting Women...
What to Look For When Choosing a How-To Book on Meeting and Attracting Women...
Have you ever noticed that there are at least as many sites out there proclaiming to know how to get game with women as there are women out there?
How many of these 'writers' can actually score chicks? Answer: not very many.
Hmmm... I wonder if they've got a scam going...
Well, I'm here to clear the air for you on this one, and help point you to the best online dating information has to offer. I'll show you how to spot the fluff from the Real Stuff.
Let's look at the warning signs:
First of all, do you get the impression when you load their sites or look at their documents that these guys haven't quite finished fourth grade? They pepper their information with plenty of crude terminology and misspelled words, or they're promoting the concept of getting easy one-night stands with ANY woman at ANY time -- claims that no man could make. Take a look at their content and decide whether it's someone you'd take credibly for any kind of service, much less dating and sex advice. I'd have to click away from a site that looks like it was cobbled together with sappy graphics and a bad font. And if he can't show me more than a miracle penis-enlargement cure, it's time to move on.
Next, what do you think the credibility is of a guy who looks like your perverted uncle, has a PHD from a school in Outer Mongolia, and looks like he's been dating since they first scribbled the word on papyrus? Ask yourself, is this short, bald guy with a beer-belly REALLY getting some ass, or just your cash? There's a lot to be said for the guys who appear to be getting laid. Not that you should judge solely on appearance, since we all know that's not the essential trait, but if he looks like a fashion nightmare on Elm Street, and your first thought is, "Dude! I think that's my dad!" I'd wonder ... a LOT. (Say what you will about Billy Clinton, but you could look at him and still know the guy was getting some serious tail.)
And is the information they're promoting mostly common sense? There's a lot of programs and techniques out there that teach you how to hypnotize women by stroking their wrist and using seduction code words, but these things only work on women with the intellect of a ten-year-old, and even then they require an unbelievably ugly numbers ratio to get your first success. Who wants that much pain for so little gain...? Steer clear of any seduction product that requires you to go clubbing and look for emaciated model-wannabes with the self-esteem of a whipped dog.
Now, let's take a look at the bookshelves of most retail bookstores...
- "How to Be Her Prince Charming" - Crap
- "How to Marry A Rich Man" by Shallow Woman - Garbage
- "He's a Jerk, You're a Goddess" - For wimpy guys in need of a testicle transplant
- "Blessed Union of Eternal Love for Couples" - For spiritual dweebs in search of the "white light" of love
C'mon. Around 80% of the books you see on the shelves of any bookstore are complete crap when it comes to giving you the goods on being successful with women. And considering only a handful actually cover the topic of men's dating, you'd be lucky to get a couple of real-life valuable tips from the authors.
Let's get one thing straight: WOMEN buy most of the books today, especially those labeled "Relationship" or "Dating." And nearly all of those are written to cover every disfunction you could imagine (primarily for women who got themselves involved with a guy they aren't compatible with and should only have dated a couple of times, got her fun, and then moved on.) Or, the authors complain incessantly about men and how to reform them into someone they can marry.
Still others are in pursuit of the "perfect" relationship where two souls unite in one spectral rainbow of pure goodness. Man, I'm gonna be sick... Nice goal, but for the 99% of us out there just trying to make it work on the basic compatibility and sex level, they are of no practical use at all in attracting and dating women.
Considering the fact that most of the books are BOUGHT by women, who do you think most of the books are written FOR? (If you need time to think about that one, come back to this page when you're ready.) Yup, that would be "Women" for $500, Alex. Would you like to go for double-jeopardy?
Don't even get me started on magazines. When was the last time you found ONE good, lengthy article for meeting and attracting women in ANY men's magazine? Why do you suppose this is?
Here's what you want to find in a book or site that gives you the real deal on women and dating:
– A newsletter: Do they give you a little free taste from the buffet? If you get valuable information in their FREE advice, you can bet their products are more than worth the price. Join the newsletter and read the articles. See what you think.
– Simple approach: No dumb hypnosis and complicated mirroring techniques to "trance" her, or "pattern" her. If it's a "system," chances are it's like your computer "system" - hard to work and more frustrating than trying to read subtitles on a French chick-flick. You want the information to be practical, real-life, and workable. If it sounds too good to be true, it often is.
– A quality site with great links: Some sites are more focused on the actual advice and helping, and others balance it out with more links to other resources. If they appear to live in a vacuum, where there is no one else but them, they may just be afraid of quality competition. And the appearance and organization of the site does go a long way in projecting the author or publisher's approach and thoroughness to detail.
– Breadth of information: The book, e-book, or website should cover multiple facets of information, from dating to sex, from attitudes and motivation to strategies and tactics. If it's solely about pickup lines, you're going to feel ripped off when your line works – but you have no clue how to take it from there.
– A money-back guarantee. Most men are honest, and when they find a product they like, they don't mind paying for it. A guarantee just assures you that you can trust the author and take a risk.
– Don't be fooled by cute gimmicks, like emails to you from a woman's name to get you to think that they're somehow in on it with hot love-slave women named Fiona or Desiree.
Here's the Real Deal: The sites I list below all meet the criteria I've just given you. Consider them worth our stamp of approval. Common sense should tell you that this isn't marketing baloney; they're run by guys who are out there, meeting women, attracting women, and GETTING LAID.
# DatingDynamics.com - Fantastic e-book and supplementary materials, like their e-zines. Get on the mailing list for tips, advice, and strategies.
# Remingtonpublications.com - Dennis Neder has provided excellent dating information for single men through his book Being a Man in a Woman's World and his web site.
# DatingInsider.com - Superb members-only content, with a message board for getting your questions heard and answered. (Of course we're going to mention this one!) In addition to a recent feature in Maxim Magazine, there are many testimonials to the program's effectiveness available at the website. Get on the mailing list.
# AskMen.com - Good dating advice, though heavily commercialized. Wide variety of writers.
# SeducersWorld.com - Home of Robert Greene's book, The Art of Seduction. Psychological and historical profile of the many facets of seduction.
So, stop listening to Uncle Ned with the bowl haircut and an expired counseling license. He can only help you AFTER you have your mental breakdown from the bad advice that all the other sites out there are giving you.
My old boss in the financial services business used to say, "When I want to get information on making money and getting rich, I go find a guy who's got a bigger pile of money than I have. Not the stockbroker in debt up to his ears - I go find the guy WHO'S DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO. And I listen to HIM."
Have you ever noticed that there are at least as many sites out there proclaiming to know how to get game with women as there are women out there?
How many of these 'writers' can actually score chicks? Answer: not very many.
Hmmm... I wonder if they've got a scam going...
Well, I'm here to clear the air for you on this one, and help point you to the best online dating information has to offer. I'll show you how to spot the fluff from the Real Stuff.
Let's look at the warning signs:
First of all, do you get the impression when you load their sites or look at their documents that these guys haven't quite finished fourth grade? They pepper their information with plenty of crude terminology and misspelled words, or they're promoting the concept of getting easy one-night stands with ANY woman at ANY time -- claims that no man could make. Take a look at their content and decide whether it's someone you'd take credibly for any kind of service, much less dating and sex advice. I'd have to click away from a site that looks like it was cobbled together with sappy graphics and a bad font. And if he can't show me more than a miracle penis-enlargement cure, it's time to move on.
Next, what do you think the credibility is of a guy who looks like your perverted uncle, has a PHD from a school in Outer Mongolia, and looks like he's been dating since they first scribbled the word on papyrus? Ask yourself, is this short, bald guy with a beer-belly REALLY getting some ass, or just your cash? There's a lot to be said for the guys who appear to be getting laid. Not that you should judge solely on appearance, since we all know that's not the essential trait, but if he looks like a fashion nightmare on Elm Street, and your first thought is, "Dude! I think that's my dad!" I'd wonder ... a LOT. (Say what you will about Billy Clinton, but you could look at him and still know the guy was getting some serious tail.)
And is the information they're promoting mostly common sense? There's a lot of programs and techniques out there that teach you how to hypnotize women by stroking their wrist and using seduction code words, but these things only work on women with the intellect of a ten-year-old, and even then they require an unbelievably ugly numbers ratio to get your first success. Who wants that much pain for so little gain...? Steer clear of any seduction product that requires you to go clubbing and look for emaciated model-wannabes with the self-esteem of a whipped dog.
Now, let's take a look at the bookshelves of most retail bookstores...
- "How to Be Her Prince Charming" - Crap
- "How to Marry A Rich Man" by Shallow Woman - Garbage
- "He's a Jerk, You're a Goddess" - For wimpy guys in need of a testicle transplant
- "Blessed Union of Eternal Love for Couples" - For spiritual dweebs in search of the "white light" of love
C'mon. Around 80% of the books you see on the shelves of any bookstore are complete crap when it comes to giving you the goods on being successful with women. And considering only a handful actually cover the topic of men's dating, you'd be lucky to get a couple of real-life valuable tips from the authors.
Let's get one thing straight: WOMEN buy most of the books today, especially those labeled "Relationship" or "Dating." And nearly all of those are written to cover every disfunction you could imagine (primarily for women who got themselves involved with a guy they aren't compatible with and should only have dated a couple of times, got her fun, and then moved on.) Or, the authors complain incessantly about men and how to reform them into someone they can marry.
Still others are in pursuit of the "perfect" relationship where two souls unite in one spectral rainbow of pure goodness. Man, I'm gonna be sick... Nice goal, but for the 99% of us out there just trying to make it work on the basic compatibility and sex level, they are of no practical use at all in attracting and dating women.
Considering the fact that most of the books are BOUGHT by women, who do you think most of the books are written FOR? (If you need time to think about that one, come back to this page when you're ready.) Yup, that would be "Women" for $500, Alex. Would you like to go for double-jeopardy?
Don't even get me started on magazines. When was the last time you found ONE good, lengthy article for meeting and attracting women in ANY men's magazine? Why do you suppose this is?
Here's what you want to find in a book or site that gives you the real deal on women and dating:
– A newsletter: Do they give you a little free taste from the buffet? If you get valuable information in their FREE advice, you can bet their products are more than worth the price. Join the newsletter and read the articles. See what you think.
– Simple approach: No dumb hypnosis and complicated mirroring techniques to "trance" her, or "pattern" her. If it's a "system," chances are it's like your computer "system" - hard to work and more frustrating than trying to read subtitles on a French chick-flick. You want the information to be practical, real-life, and workable. If it sounds too good to be true, it often is.
– A quality site with great links: Some sites are more focused on the actual advice and helping, and others balance it out with more links to other resources. If they appear to live in a vacuum, where there is no one else but them, they may just be afraid of quality competition. And the appearance and organization of the site does go a long way in projecting the author or publisher's approach and thoroughness to detail.
– Breadth of information: The book, e-book, or website should cover multiple facets of information, from dating to sex, from attitudes and motivation to strategies and tactics. If it's solely about pickup lines, you're going to feel ripped off when your line works – but you have no clue how to take it from there.
– A money-back guarantee. Most men are honest, and when they find a product they like, they don't mind paying for it. A guarantee just assures you that you can trust the author and take a risk.
– Don't be fooled by cute gimmicks, like emails to you from a woman's name to get you to think that they're somehow in on it with hot love-slave women named Fiona or Desiree.
Here's the Real Deal: The sites I list below all meet the criteria I've just given you. Consider them worth our stamp of approval. Common sense should tell you that this isn't marketing baloney; they're run by guys who are out there, meeting women, attracting women, and GETTING LAID.
# DatingDynamics.com - Fantastic e-book and supplementary materials, like their e-zines. Get on the mailing list for tips, advice, and strategies.
# Remingtonpublications.com - Dennis Neder has provided excellent dating information for single men through his book Being a Man in a Woman's World and his web site.
# DatingInsider.com - Superb members-only content, with a message board for getting your questions heard and answered. (Of course we're going to mention this one!) In addition to a recent feature in Maxim Magazine, there are many testimonials to the program's effectiveness available at the website. Get on the mailing list.
# AskMen.com - Good dating advice, though heavily commercialized. Wide variety of writers.
# SeducersWorld.com - Home of Robert Greene's book, The Art of Seduction. Psychological and historical profile of the many facets of seduction.
So, stop listening to Uncle Ned with the bowl haircut and an expired counseling license. He can only help you AFTER you have your mental breakdown from the bad advice that all the other sites out there are giving you.
My old boss in the financial services business used to say, "When I want to get information on making money and getting rich, I go find a guy who's got a bigger pile of money than I have. Not the stockbroker in debt up to his ears - I go find the guy WHO'S DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO. And I listen to HIM."
Q & A: Being A Sexual Being
Q. A few months ago left I left my country and girlfriend of two years as a transfer student. My girlfriend became tired of a long-distance relationship and we stopped keeping in contact. However, I met a girl whom I fell for at first sight, but owing to my "loyalty", would not approach her. A few days ago, I put everything about my former love life behind and finally asked this girl out. That was when something happened - I found out that this girl has a the identical personality as my girlfriend! The way she speaks, looks at me, laughs-even her jokes have the same ring to them. I'm not imagining this!
I was thrilled at first, but to my horror I found I had lost the ability to get turned on by her! My former relationship hovered around sexuality but we never got down to it since we felt it would destroy the "magic" of the whole thing. Well, after meeting this girl, I cannot be turned on by anything, I have no sexual attraction towards her, but I've fallen in love with her.
In addition to that, I've developed a fear that I'm not good enough for her. I'm just a poor transfer student in strange place falling in love with a girl who has everything I don't. Believe me, I never had these fears before - Dating-Insider completely dispelled them and radically changed my social life. But what should I do? Is my inability to get turned on psychological? It seems to be getting worse! Maybe the solution is damn easy and doesn't require much, but I need to be set in the right position to start rectifying things.
Please help me!!
"On the brink"
A. Hello "Brink",
Very interesting situation!
You'd be surprised how common it is to find someone that is very much like, or, even exactly like someone that we've been with before. People talk about this all the time, but it is usually in having made a mistake with choosing someone bad for them. You, on the other hand, have found someone you already know and love!
As you've also discovered, sex is as much a mental game as (if not more than) a physical one. It really isn't that hard a stretch to see that you've tied your entire emotionality into a sexless relationship, and that is exactly why your current problem exists. You've learned to equate love for a "personality type" with sexual frustration.
Interestingly, this is usually a problem that women have! They spend their dating lives trying to deny their sexuality because of religion, parents, misinformation, fear, etc.; suppressing and ignoring it, and then have tons of problems being sexual people in their married lives. Why do we keep doing this to people? Why do entire societies keep inflicting this hideous damage as though it somehow makes us better people?? Well, actually, the main reason is that parents, community and religious leaders, and many, many others learned a long time ago, that if you can just control a person's sexuality, you could control that person. This is because we are first and foremost sexual people! I equate this "purposefully inflicted" damage on people with other types of sexual barbarism like female clitoral circumcision, pedophilia, censorship, lying to kids about where babies come from, telling people that masturbating will make you go blind, and the like.
You say you've fallen in love with her. Are you sure it's love? Is it possible that you have tremendous familiarity and friendship with her instead? This isn't really a critical point, as frankly, it doesn't matter. However, I raise the question for you to consider.
Ok, so what do you do about all of this? First, you've got to get your self-image back in check. Nobody, not you, the Pope or me is any better or any worse than any other person, living or dead, (well, I'm not sure about Rosy O'Donnell - what's up with her?). Anyway, I digress...
This woman may have things you want or things that you equate with a "higher level", but it's a false image. All of these are just things. What's really important is the character, experience and soul of a person. Practice seeing all people this way. You'll be much the better man for it, and you'll also gain an important understanding of life. After all, she's just a person like you or me or anyone else.
Consider this, you've spent your entire relationship with your ex-girlfriend learning how NOT to be sexual. Is it any wonder you're having trouble now? You've got to re-learn to be sexual with your new girlfriend. You do this by practicing. I'm assuming that you masturbate (all of us do, by the way!) What do you fantasize about when you're spankin' the monkey? Something must turn you on. Use this time to re-learn sexual feelings for this woman.
Imagine making love to her. Take some time - don't jump right to the "horizontal bop" portion of the program. Imagine kissing her, undressing her slowly, exploring her body - every inch of it. Recreate the sexual feelings you had with her as the object. These are powerful emotions and will be re-learned very quickly because of them.
Once you begin to see her sexually, putting it into practice won't be difficult. Try to focus on her however; don't worry about yourself - that will come (if you'll pardon the expression!) Learn about her sexuality, and in it you'll find your own.
I was thrilled at first, but to my horror I found I had lost the ability to get turned on by her! My former relationship hovered around sexuality but we never got down to it since we felt it would destroy the "magic" of the whole thing. Well, after meeting this girl, I cannot be turned on by anything, I have no sexual attraction towards her, but I've fallen in love with her.
In addition to that, I've developed a fear that I'm not good enough for her. I'm just a poor transfer student in strange place falling in love with a girl who has everything I don't. Believe me, I never had these fears before - Dating-Insider completely dispelled them and radically changed my social life. But what should I do? Is my inability to get turned on psychological? It seems to be getting worse! Maybe the solution is damn easy and doesn't require much, but I need to be set in the right position to start rectifying things.
Please help me!!
"On the brink"
A. Hello "Brink",
Very interesting situation!
You'd be surprised how common it is to find someone that is very much like, or, even exactly like someone that we've been with before. People talk about this all the time, but it is usually in having made a mistake with choosing someone bad for them. You, on the other hand, have found someone you already know and love!
As you've also discovered, sex is as much a mental game as (if not more than) a physical one. It really isn't that hard a stretch to see that you've tied your entire emotionality into a sexless relationship, and that is exactly why your current problem exists. You've learned to equate love for a "personality type" with sexual frustration.
Interestingly, this is usually a problem that women have! They spend their dating lives trying to deny their sexuality because of religion, parents, misinformation, fear, etc.; suppressing and ignoring it, and then have tons of problems being sexual people in their married lives. Why do we keep doing this to people? Why do entire societies keep inflicting this hideous damage as though it somehow makes us better people?? Well, actually, the main reason is that parents, community and religious leaders, and many, many others learned a long time ago, that if you can just control a person's sexuality, you could control that person. This is because we are first and foremost sexual people! I equate this "purposefully inflicted" damage on people with other types of sexual barbarism like female clitoral circumcision, pedophilia, censorship, lying to kids about where babies come from, telling people that masturbating will make you go blind, and the like.
You say you've fallen in love with her. Are you sure it's love? Is it possible that you have tremendous familiarity and friendship with her instead? This isn't really a critical point, as frankly, it doesn't matter. However, I raise the question for you to consider.
Ok, so what do you do about all of this? First, you've got to get your self-image back in check. Nobody, not you, the Pope or me is any better or any worse than any other person, living or dead, (well, I'm not sure about Rosy O'Donnell - what's up with her?). Anyway, I digress...
This woman may have things you want or things that you equate with a "higher level", but it's a false image. All of these are just things. What's really important is the character, experience and soul of a person. Practice seeing all people this way. You'll be much the better man for it, and you'll also gain an important understanding of life. After all, she's just a person like you or me or anyone else.
Consider this, you've spent your entire relationship with your ex-girlfriend learning how NOT to be sexual. Is it any wonder you're having trouble now? You've got to re-learn to be sexual with your new girlfriend. You do this by practicing. I'm assuming that you masturbate (all of us do, by the way!) What do you fantasize about when you're spankin' the monkey? Something must turn you on. Use this time to re-learn sexual feelings for this woman.
Imagine making love to her. Take some time - don't jump right to the "horizontal bop" portion of the program. Imagine kissing her, undressing her slowly, exploring her body - every inch of it. Recreate the sexual feelings you had with her as the object. These are powerful emotions and will be re-learned very quickly because of them.
Once you begin to see her sexually, putting it into practice won't be difficult. Try to focus on her however; don't worry about yourself - that will come (if you'll pardon the expression!) Learn about her sexuality, and in it you'll find your own.
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