Q. I have this friend whom I have deep feelings for, I told on how feel about her and she told me we are better as friends because she is involved with someone.
When I ask her if there is a possibility for us to be together, she said yes. We spend a lot of time together at my place talking about all kinds of different things, like for instance she will tell me all about her boyfriend and how possessive he is.
I do think about making a move on her, but I am scared I will destroy our friendship and I just couldn't take that. Even if I can make a move I do not know how to do it.
Could you please give me some advice on how to go about getting her into bed and if it is a good idea for me to make a move in the first place? She doesn't spend much time with her so-called boyfriend because she is either with me or at work. She may just be pulling my leg about all this boyfriend thing.
Please help me out!
A. It looks like she's got you by the short-curly hairs!
You see, she holds all the cards and controls everything. Further, she is getting everything SHE wants from your relationship. Because you're scared of losing her as a friend (or whatever!), you are just willing to take what she gives you.
My brother - this is no way to live! If you are satisfied with this, then you don't need my advice. If you're not satisfied with it, they you have to be willing to lose her friendship in order to get what YOU want. After all, if she isn't willing to go where you want - what is she really doing in your life in the first place, other than keeping you from meeting "Ms. Right"?
So, here's what you have to do. First, stop being her friend! That's right! You see, women organize men into two categories: boyfriend material and everyone else. Making the transition from one to the other is very, very difficult, but it can be done.
The first step is to stop treating her like your friend! Consider this - women don't make good friends for guys. Why not? For exactly the reasons you've already found. She comes to you when her boyfriend isn't around and talks to you about him! When she needs something, she goes to you; not him. If she wants to borrow money, it's you again, etc.
Many men make this same mistake - they think they can "work it from the inside". That is, they can build a relationship up from being a friend to something else. Chad - it can't be done. You've got to get over this!
Ok, so what do you do? First, you've got to get scarce - and do it abruptly. Stop returning her calls immediately (if she even calls you!) and get yourself busy doing anything and everything else! Especially, don't be around on weekends. If she calls, let it go to the answering machine - that's what it's for. You can return your friend's calls immediately if you want to, but let her wait a few days.
When you do call her, (in a few weeks), ask her out for dinner or a drink. Now, here's the important part: act like it's a date! Forget you were friends and start ACTING like a boyfriend. When she questions this, just tell her that YOU are ready to move on to something more mature.